7 years to humanity
by raok
Summary: It has been 7 years since Edward left Bella in the woods. Now 24, Bella has grown into her own person and has moved on with her life in all facets. What happens when she lands up in the ER only to find that Edward has moved on too?
1. Chapter 1

_Hi all. Here's a super short into to the story. M for language, though I don't think there's any in this chapter. Definitely cursing, sexxors, and other nonsense in later sections._

_Read and don't forget - review are love!_

_SMeyers owns all characters as they came from her head. Too bad no lemons did..._

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BPOV

It had been 7 years since I had seen Edward Cullen. I was finally at a point where I thought if I saw him I could remain calm; I would neither hurl towards him fruitlessly punching him until I felt better, nor would I turn into a blubbering mess and cling to his legs begging him not to leave again.

No, in the past 7 years, I had come into my own. I had gone from a hyper-fragile 17 year old who clung to the hope of a maybe-someday with her ethereal ex boyfriend who had left me in the middle of the forest after declaring that the past year had been a lie to someone stronger; a 24 year old woman with a great job in a great city, living in a great apartment. Oh did I mention that a great boyfriend was also in the picture?

His name is Seth. He was one of Jacob's friends from the reservation. He and I used to goof off with the group, but lost touch when we both went off to different colleges. He went to Florida State to experience the land of sun and humidity and I moved down south to go to Berkeley. We ran into each other during the winter break before graduation, and I am not ashamed to admit that my jaw _dropped_ when I saw him. He was no longer then tall chunky, baby-faced friend of Jacob; he had matured into a lean but muscular grown man. He had even grown since I had last seen him, and stood at 6'5. My tiny 5'3 petite frame completely disappeared when he wrapped me up in a warm hug. We spent the following few months catching up with the guys from the res that had all already either moved back home or were on holiday from university too. However as the days went on, we began spending more and more time alone, and by the time winter break was over, he and I were meeting up hours before heading to the res to hang with everyone, just to talk and exchange horror stories from college.

_New Year's Day 2 years ago_

_Seth and I were sitting on my front steps, enjoying the snow that both of us had grown to miss from a distance, but had grown to hate being in all over again in the 3 weeks we'd been home. His hand reached for mine which rested on my bent knees. His fingers entwined with mine and I smiled._

_The first couple weeks of being home had been hard, as they always are. My past chokes me here. I drive by the turnoff that led to _our_ meadow each time I head to the reservation. I drive by our high school regularly on the way to the only grocery store in down. Taking day trips over to Port Angeles is just a reminder of the romantic date nights we had and the first night he confessed he didn't have ability to stay away from me. _

_However, the past few days had been the first time I had been home and not thought of _him_ once. Instead my thoughts were filled with Seth's smile, his warm hugs, his genuine laugh. _

_As we sat there, holding hands, he stared directly above him, up at the sky and sighed. "Bells, I'm going to say something and it's going to freak you the hell out, so I don't want you to overreact or go fucking girl-crazy on me, ok?"_

_I turned to face him, but he didn't return the gesture; he continued to stare up at the night sky. _

"_Well since I _am_ a girl, that may be difficult, but I'll try," I answered, grinning._

_He cleared his throat, and swallowed hard. "Well, the thing of it is, is that I kinda think, or feel… no think. I think you're really fucking hot Bells. And funny, and I think it's the cutest thing ever when you pretend to be pissed off and squint your eyes and bunch up your lips. But hell, when you do that all I can see is those lips and wish I could kiss them."_

_I smirked. "So why don't you?"_

_He head turned so fast I thought he was going to pinch a nerve or something. His eyes were wide in shock, and I raised a brow._

"_For reals Bells?"_

_My smile broadened. _

That was the first time anyone other than Edward kissed me, and the first time I let myself believe I could have a normal human life.


	2. Chapter 2

Holy crap, what's that you say? Someone's POV other than Edward or Bella?! WTH?!

That's right folks... the unspoken hero, Seth's, POV. Brace yourself, it's _not_ a Cullen's POV (or Bella's... or even Jacob's!)

Gratitude and love goes out to the lovely theotherbella for pushing me to write from Seth's POV, despite my fear of backlash.

Comments/reviews are love.

SMeyers owns all, including hours of sleep I no longer get thanks to my fanfic obsession.

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SethPOV

Bella was indescribable. She had been such a frail, scared, downright hermit-like girl after Edward and his family had disappeared. It was hard on her, and as much as I wanted to comfort her then, I knew it wasn't what she wanted. The only thing that would have made her feel better back then, was his return. Apparently, I was the only sane one among us. Jacob had convinced himself he could be Bella's knight in shining armor, and I got the impression that Bella's dad pretty much threw up his hands and said "why the hell not!"

As you may have guessed, it didn't end well. Because Bella and Jake had been such good friends prior, his advances petrified her. She didn't want to be seen an as object of desire to anyone but Edward. She didn't want to be noticed by anyone, besides Edward. Charlie would drive her up to the res, and she would sit with Jacob and the rest of us in his living room watching TV, or sharing stories about school. My sister attempted to befriend Bella, but Leah was a bit abrasive. She rubbed people the wrong way until she wore you down with her attitude and you just dealt with it. Needless to say, Bella did not open up to her.

Things got even more awkward, after Jacob told me and the guys that he had kissed Bella and that she had responded. I tried really hard to believe it, since I knew Jacob was a good guy, but knowing what little I did of Bella, I still couldn't find it in me to believe a word he was saying.

The months went on and soon, Bella and I were starting senior year. I had gotten a job in town, and had the opportunity to run into Bella more than just at Jake's house. We started talking, and I think she appreciated the fact that I never pushed her to hang out, or to tell me what happened in the forest. We would bump into each other at the lone gas station in town, or she'd stop by the grocery store when I was working and we'd make small talk and joke around. It was entirely innocent, and I admit that I never told Jake about my run-ins with her; they were special Bella and I time.

Looking back now, it's easy to laugh and say that I was whipped back then, but the truth was I needed a friend as much as she did. All my friends were Leah's friends; all my secrets everyone knew – even Leah which meant my parents knew 5 seconds later. It was nice having a friend that I could confide in, and whom could confide in me. So what if I didn't tell anyone about running into Bella? This was just another secret between two friends.

The first time Bella let me kiss her I thought she had been joking. I didn't think she was _really_ going to let me do it. I weighed my options quickly; on one hand she could let me get close and then pull away and laugh or she would actually let me do it. I knew Bella fairly well and decided it was worth the small chance that she would do the former, so I went for it. Her lips had been delicious and I haven't able to get enough of them since.

It had been 2 years since that kiss, and we were still going strong. We had both landed jobs in Seattle; her for the Seattle Times in the literary section, reviewing books, and me as a project manager for a local advertising agency. We were comfortable together, but not in a dull way. We didn't live together and made sure to have separate friends; I certainly didn't want to have another group of people who knew _everything_ and she didn't want to be tied to a group the way she had been to the Cullens.

I knew that because she had opened up to me about what happened with Edward, a little over a year into our relationship.

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_9 months ago_

_I was hanging with Bella in her apartment having a Monty Python marathon with some takeout. She had her head in my lap and I was rubbing one hand lazily up and down her side as we laughed through the beginning of The Holy Grail._

_She turned her head up to look at me and smiled. "Do you mind if we talk?"_

_I grinned down at her, "talk, or 'talk'?" I motioned with air quotes._

_She laughed and swatted me in the stomach with her hand lightly. "Perv, I meant talk as in an exchange of words."_

_I couldn't resist, "Words, or 'words'?" I chuckled and she swatted me again, giggling. "Dork, that doesn't even make sense."_

"_I know, but you love me and my inability to come up with innuendo that doesn't make a lick of sense."_

"_Lick or 'lick'?" it was her turn to pull out the air quotes as she sat up giggling into my chest._

"_Hmm… both could be arranged, though I prefer the one you used with you hands. In fact, I prefer a lot of things you do with your hands…"_

_She looked up at me, blushing, and kissed my lips softly. She moved to sit beside me, her legs crossed in front of her as she faced me._

_She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly._

"_I want to talk about what happened with Edward."_

_Holy shit, when did it get so heavy in here? Oh, that's right the minute she said _his_ name._

"_Bells, you know you don't have to tell me anything. I know it hurts you to talk about it. I'm perfectly okay with anything you do or don't want to say."_

_She smiled warmly and grabbed one of my hands between both of hers and squeezed._

"_I know, and that's why I want to tell you. I care about you so much. I feel so much for you, more than I ever thought I could after he left. I know that you didn't bring me back to life, but you helped. You were my friend and never asked more from me than what I gave. You never pressured me for more, and you never tried to dig deeper. You let me heal on my own."_

I had no clue what to say to that. What does someone say to that?

_I had no idea, so I just nodded and smiled shyly. "Of course Bells, anything for you."_

_She looked down at our hands in her lap and continued._

"_Edward and I hadn't been on the same page for weeks before everything went down. He was always disappearing to go hunting and leaving me either alone or with Alice. She tried to soothe my worries, but I could tell she was hiding something…"_

_She took another deep breath._

"_That last time… that I saw him I mean; he had looked better, healthier. I thought that he must have gotten over whatever was bothering him and we could finally go back to normal. He said he wanted to go for a walk, and I agreed; though the minute I consented his eyes got darker and his brooding look was back. I think I knew then that whatever we were going to talk about, I wasn't going to like. At first I thought he was just going to bring up my incessant whining about wanting him to change me before our age difference became apparent. And then I thought he was going to bring up how I was a danger to his family, with my blood smelling as good as it did to them – especially Jasper… so when he pulled me into the woods I felt like I was prepared for any of his rapid fire arguments."_

_She looked up at me then. And she wasn't the giggly, cheerful Bella that had lain in my lap not 30 minutes ago. The Bella staring at me was the shy, insecure 17 year old Bella that had her heart broken by the biggest idiot on the planet. She bit her lip before looking back down._

"_He said he and everyone else was leaving… that everyone else had left and he had vowed to 'clean up the mess' which was essentially how I would react. He said that he was too big a danger. When I disagreed he shook his head, refusing to even listen. He said that I wasn't seeing the big picture; that I didn't understand how big of a danger he and his family were. I told him that I could run with them. They could change me and then I wouldn't be weak little Bella anymore; I'd be unbreakable."_

_I moved closer to her, wrapping my other hand around our already connected fingers and she sighed._

"_That was when he said he didn't want me to go with them. He said…" her voice trailed off and the sound that came out was soft and that of a scarred child, "he said he didn't love me. That he hadn't ever – it had all been a game."_

_I waited for the tears, but they never came. Instead she took a few deep breaths and looked up with me with clear eyes._

"_Wow, I've never told anyone that before. It felt good," she replied smiling warmly._

_I smiled back at her kissing her forehead, then her nose, then her lips. Wrapping my arms around her, I pulled her close as she maneuvered herself into my lap._

"_Bella, I'm not sure what I can say to that other than thank you for trusting me with it. And I love you, and my love has never, and will never be anything but real and everlasting."_

_She rested her head on my shoulder and hummed softly into my ear, running a hand down my chest._

"_So back to how much you love what I do with my hands…" she whispered grinning into my neck._

After that, Bella seemed happier; like a weight had been lifted. She carried herself taller, laughed more easily, and smiled more frequently.

I could have, and should have hated Edward for what he did.

But as selfish as it was, I couldn't. What little interaction I had had with him in the past had been pleasant and after everything was said and done, Bella and I were here. Together. Happy. And I could never hate anyone who indirectly shaped her into the woman she had become. The woman I loved.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks to everyone who checked to receive updates on this story. I know the chapters are really short right now, but I promise longer ones are ahead!_

_Here's your taste of Edward. And I do mean only a taste. More of him in future chapters, duh._

_SMeyers still owns everything, except my fangirl heart. RPatz totally owns that._

_Reviews are love!  
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BPOV

I was running early, as per usual. I had this crazy fear of being late that often drove me to arrive at places far too early - like now for example.

I was supposed to meet Seth at Il Forniao restaurant in downtown Seattle for a late Friday night celebration dinner. The deadline for his latest project had been the day before and we were celebrating the 3 months of power creative marketing hell he had survived once again.

We were also going to talk about the logistics of his upcoming campaign launch party his company was throwing. Significant others were always invited and encouraged to attend launch parties and this was no exception. Unfortunately this one was being held in an actual hotel ball room, which meant ultra formal, something that differed from all the others I had attended with him in the past.

I still hadn't picked out a dress and while I changed a bit in my personal style over the years, slowly integrating color and clothes that didn't fully hide my figure, I still had yet to feel comfortable fancy dresses and heels.

Rather than wait for him at the restaurant, where our table wasn't even ready, I decided to walk around the cute neighborhood and peek around some of the clothing boutiques I had seen on my walk from the car.

I stopped to peek in the window of a few stores and had darted into one that had a beautiful spaghetti strapped black dress that was simple and classic. Of course, it was nearly $900, so I thanked the sales clerk for her time and hustled out of there. When I glanced at the time on my cell phone I realized I still had a good 30 minutes left to kill before I had to head back, so I decided to keep walking.

The store next to the boutique with the overpriced dress had a few semi-formal dresses in the window that were cute, but far too couture looking for my taste. However, it was the person at the register that made me want to dash inside. There, in the flesh, was Alice Cullen.

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APOV

I had smelled her from a few blocks away but could only hope that her seeing me would encourage her to come inside.

It had been 7 years – nearly a decade – since I had seen her; I had missed her every day of those years. She hadn't been only Edward's girlfriend, and I'm painfully aware he has never caught on to that little fact. She was my best friend. Rosalie and I were, and still are close, sure, but Bella was a kindred spirit. She didn't mind my antics, just like Jasper doesn't. My craziness complemented both of their more reserved, quiet natures.

Edward had asked me, begged me even, not to look into her future. Did I listen? Hell no. The last time I listed to Edward he was pulling us away from her – which for the record, I still think was the dumbest decision of his life.

So I kept tabs on her, here and there. I saw when she got into Berkeley and how happy it made her for Charlie to be proud. I smiled at the vision of her finally getting a new car, and cried as best I could for a vampire, when she graduated university with full honors. I even remember when I saw that she would be moving to Seattle.

She walked into the store looking all grown up. Her hair was a bit shorter, falling to just about her bust line and I was proud to see a change for the better in her wardrobe. She was wearing a pair of red ballet flats, dark denim skinny jeans and a simple snug black t-shirt with a red, cropped, button-up cardigan. She walked directly over to the counter as I handed a customer her receipt - $6,500 worth of evening dresses a size too small that she had been convinced fit her _perfectly_.

As soon as the woman exited the store I skipped around the register and leapt into her arms.

"Bella!" I squeaked. It felt so good to hug her, to see her in person and _know_ she was okay.

She laughed, wrapping her arms around me. "I _thought_ it was you Alice!"

I pulled back, gripping her shoulders to get a good look at her. She seemed so much more relaxed since I'd last seen her; dare I say she seemed _happier_.

She laughed at my silence as I examined her features.

"So I saw that you've got some nice dresses in the window. Original Alice Cullen designs I presume?"

I placed a hand over where my heart would have beaten, "like I would ever even _consider_ selling anything but my own creations."

She smiled knowingly and walked over to a dress rack full of long formal gowns.

"Don't tell me time has brought out your inner fashionista?" I asked, scurrying over to her side.

She waived a hand dismissively. "No, not at all; it's just my boyfriend has this work event coming up that is super formal…"

Hold the phones, horses, and anything else needed to freeze time. Bella had a _boyfriend?!_ Why hadn't I seen this?!

She scoffed, looking down at the price tag. "Of course, none of these will work."

I was hurt. Did she not like my designs?

Seeing the pout that had formed on my lips, she quickly backtracked. "No, no Alice. You're dresses are stunning! I just won't pay over a month's salary for a dress that I'll only wear once."

I sighed with relief and whacked her arm gently. "Silly Bella, I will _not_ let you pay a cent for one of my dresses. You'll take it on the house – duh!"

Her face went even paler than normal and I could tell she was about to pick a fight. I held up my hand, shaking my head. "Don't even bother wasting your breath to argue. Have you forgotten that I always win these things?"

She sighed heavily and nodded.

"Plus it's not entirely for free."

She tilted her head looking at me curiously.

"I fully expect in exchange for a dress that you will give me the full scoop on your new boy toy," I replied, grinning.

She laughed whole-heartedly and went back to sifting through the dresses.

"He's hardly new Al, we've been together for over 2 years."

My mouth completely dropped. How had I not seen her relationship _at all_ in 2 years!?

As if sensing my confusion she turned her head over one shoulder and looked at me. "He's from the res. He's… you know… the pack. Although, they haven't been, well, _them_ since you and everyone else left. I guess maybe the cloaking ability or whatever hindered your sense of them carried over even after they stopped being a pack," she answered with a shrug.

I was completely and utterly shocked. Completely un-Alice like.

"Uhm… wow," was the only response I could form. I guess Bella's theory made sense. I never quite understood why I couldn't see them or any of us when we were with them, before.

She giggled and pulled a dark green strapless velvet dress from the rack, examining it thoroughly before putting it back with the others.

"I mean… is it Jacob?" I was full of questions, but even more filled with shock.

She looked at me again, this time busting out in to uncontrollable laughter as if I had said the funniest thing in the world. She shook her head at my question, just to start laughing even harder.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and pulled it out as Bella tried to catch her breath from all the laughing.

I held up a finger to Bella, asking her silently to hold on a sec as I stepped a few feet away and answered the call.

"Hey," I said as nonchalantly as I could. Not that he would have picked up on anything anyway.

"Hey Alice; I'm just returning your call. What's this about Emmett and a polar bear?" Edward asked with a hearty chuckle.

I turned to Bella who had pulled out her own phone and turned to look over at me. She pointed to her phone and tilted her head towards the door. I shook my head, a silent plea not to leave just yet.

"Alice I have to go meet Seth for dinner. I'll drop by tomorrow morning so we can finish talking!" She shouted as she walked over to the door.

I nodded in understanding and waived, praying Edward hadn't heard Bella's voice.

I heard a cough on the end of the line and knew shit was about to hit the fan.

"So about Emmett…" I began.

"Don't give me that Alice." His voice was cold and distant.

"Give you what? I thought you called to hear the hilarious story of Emmett and the polar bear?" I feigned innocence.

"How long have you been going behind my back and seeing Bella?"


	4. Chapter 4

Holy moly! I can't believe the response I got from you guys for the last chapter.

I'm on a roll. Maybe I should stick to writing fic between 6pm-1am. Who needs sleep, right? :)

Reviews are better than cupcakes.

SMeyers owns everything, duh.

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EPOV

The truth was I wasn't really angry with Alice. I knew it had been almost as hard for her to walk away as it had been for me. But I had stayed away. Me, the one who didn't have a fucking soul was walking away from the only thing that had ever made me feel human since the transformation. I lied to Bella. I made her cry. I refused to accept her tearful begging and tossed her aside. It was both the hardest and the smartest thing I had done to date at the time. Ironically enough it had also been the worst.

I had stayed with my family for the first year after we left Forks. Part of it was my fear that they would return to the rainy town and Bella would be forced to cope with even more heartache; the other part was because I knew that staying with my family would keep me from running back there as well.

After that first year, despite Carlisle's wishes, I went to the Volturi. They had heard from the Denali family about my relationship with a human, and what was more worrisome was that they were aware of Bella's knowledge of _us_. I vaguely explained what had transpired cutting out the parts where I discussed how much it had killed me all over again to walk away. They seemed please with my allegiance to our way of life and praised me for walking away from love for the sake of vampires everywhere.

Now that I didn't have Bella, I had no reason to go on with the charade of "vegetarianism" that Carlisle and my family had touted as the most moral way to live as we were. I informed the Volturi of this as well and they seemed even more pleased. No one had seen this coming – perhaps Alice would have, had she joined in their ranks – nevertheless they were pleasantly surprised.

They offered me a position in their organization immediately, and I accepted. It was better here; a continent away from Bella's smell, her eyes, her lips… any reminder of who we had been, nothing but a memory.

But then, 2 years later it happened; I had smelled her. It had only been 3 years since we had seen each other, but those 3 years had felt like 30 – even to an immortal like me. Aro and Marcus had noticed the changed in my demeanor immediately, and I wondered if they had been able to predict this day would one day come. I suspected they hadn't known but had _hoped_ that one day I might prove my allegiance to them over Bella once more in front of them; to confirm what I had declared two years prior – that I was loyal to the Volturi and only them.

I had followed her that first night. I had seen her sitting outside at a café, sipping her glass of wine and flipping through a general guidebook to all of Italy. She was alone, and could not have looked like a bigger target, if she had stuck a neon sign to her chest that flashed "Tipsy America Girl Too Weak to Fight!"

I growled as I recalled that last day I saw her, and how I had made her promise not to do anything foolish. Evidently, she wasn't going to stick to her word.

And just as I had suspected, two men followed her down the fairly well-lit street as she walked from the café back to her room. They taunted her and made lewd gestures but she kept walking. One of them finally pushed her against a stone building, not 50 feet from her hotel room door. I clenched my teeth and growled; there was nothing I could do for her.

So I ran back to Volterra, and did my best to push the thoughts of her and the men as far out of my mind as I could. Of course, they never budged. After some time had passed, maybe hours, maybe days, I heard a knock at my door.

"Enter," I replied gruffly. It had been days since I had spoken out loud, of that I was sure.

Aro entered, his hands behind his back as he glided into my sanctuary, clenched teeth and a contemplative pout on his lips. "Good Evening Edward."

I nodded and turned to face him. "Aro."

His hands move to the front of his body and he pressed them to one another as if in prayer. "You were caught, overlooking the human. _Your_ human." His tone was completely flat, giving no opinion one way or another as to if this was a simple fact or if a punishment would be given. Ha, nearly 90 years old and I was worried about being _punished_.

I nodded. "I won't deny it. I, of course, assume the informant told everyone what happened then."

Aro moved his clasped hands up to his mouth as if thinking of his next move. "They did, and I must say Edward, I am quite impressed with your restraint. I don't know that I would have been able to control myself from reacting as you did, had I observed what was happening to someone whom I _loved_ as much as rumors say you have loved this girl in the past."

My stomach was in knots – the first human sensation I had felt since leaving Forks. I seemed to only feel like a person when it related to Bella.

Aro was of course, right; I shouldn't have let _anything_ happen to her. But I had promised her, I would stay away forever. And after everything I had put her through, it was the least I could do; I could keep my word.

I looked at him and shrugged. "I suppose you are pleased that I have once again proven where my loyalties lie."

He nodded, taking a seat in the chair opposite my piano. "Of course Edward, especially with a subject that is so… _sensitive_ for you. However, that's not entirely why I'm here."

I turned to face him head on, raising an eyebrow in curiosity. "Well then...?"

"I want to give you an out Edward. I don't do this often; in fact this is only the third time I've done it in as many hundred years."

"An out? Of what, the Volturi? Is that my sentence for following an ordinary human girl for a few hours – being _banished_ from Volterra?"

He clenched his teeth, leaning forward and snarling. "Firstly, do not consider me _stupid_ enough to believe that Ms. Swan is just any _ordinary _human girl to you Mr. Cullen. Secondly, you are not in the general sense being _exiled_ from Volterra."

"Then what exactly is your proposition, because frankly your riddles are tiresome." I was livid. I had not only _not_ saved Bella when she needed rescuing, but it seemed as thought I was being reprimanded for showing my faith in the Volturi.

Aro leaned back in the chair, his hands once again clasped in front of him like a steeple. "What I am proposing is a trade of sorts. You give me something _I_ want, and in return we as an organization give you something you _desperately_ want."

"I'm listening." To be perfectly honesty, I was entirely apathetic. There was nothing I wanted that they could give me. I wanted Bella; that was all I wanted. And unless they went against everything they preached, I would _never_ have her – alive.

"We seem to be having a problem with a certain 'vegetarian' family in North America. You may be familiar with them – the Denali's." He looked over to me for a response. I nodded curtly. Of course I knew the Denali's; they were one of a handful of 'vegetarian' vampire groups left in that part of the world. "Well, it seems as though that particular group has gotten into the habit of killing other vampires, for sport."

"And?" I looked at him completely befuddled. So what?

"And you can certainly see our position here Edward. A group of vampires who not only choose to refrain from killing humans for sustenance, but proactively goes after vampires that do, without provocation?"

Ah, light bulb. It's ok to kill for food, but not for sport – especially when it's our own kind.

I nodded. "And you expect what exactly? For me to destroy the Denali's on my own?"

He looked at me blankly and didn't move. Of course he expected me to.

"And what do I get in return? A better room perhaps? Maybe a promotion to above Marcus in ranking?" Sarcasm was seeping from my fangs. I may not have liked the Denali's, specifically Tanya, but there wasn't anything they could give me outside of Bella that would make me agree to slaughter the entire clan.

"No, you get to be human once more."


	5. Chapter 4 Part II

_A/N: OMIGOD, I have immense love for every one of you that reviewed the last chapter. I know it's getting a bit too much, but trust me there are calmer waters ahead, while the effects of the last couple chapters sink in to the characters.  
_

_Comments are love._

_SMeyers owns these characters, duh._

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Chapter 4 part II

EPOV

The visit back to the States and my "run in" with Tanya and her sisters had worked out better than planned. Marcus had followed closely behind, both as a witness as well as a potential second hand if the girls turned out to be more than I bargained for.

I knew it wouldn't be that big of a challenge; taking into account Tanya and I's past, it wouldn't be hard to pull them aside individually and handle matters. So that's exactly what I did. One by one, over the course of 5 days I let my plans unfold. Day one: seduce and kill, day two mourn with the sister(s) left; wash, rinse, repeat. I felt no remorse for what I was doing. I justified it as releasing their souls. I of course didn't allow myself to recognize that unlike myself, they had actually been _happy_ being immortal and using their skills to their utmost advantage.

Marcus seemed impressed with how quickly I cleaned up the Volturi's _problem_ and even applauded when the last of them, Tanya, had been sufficiently dealt with. On the trip back to Italy, he had admitted that he was envious of my opportunity. Marcus was a strong warrior, but almost seemed to have a soul left inside him. He was kind unless otherwise provoked or given an order, and I sympathized with his struggle. He had loved and lost, just as I had – only his love, Maria, was long since gone. He had contemplated doing himself in, exposing himself just to be taken care of. However, his guilt ate away at him and he took his vampirism as a penance for leaving Maria when she had been pregnant with their first child.

"It is something you never recover from Edward – that kind of love. Once lost, it will eat away at you for hundreds of years and you can do nothing about it." He chuckled darkly, shaking his head. "What am I saying!? You are about to be human again, you'll have maybe 80 more years if you're incredibly lucky. That's not so bad for unrequited love, if you think about it."

"How do you know I won't go look for her the minute I am free, in all senses of the word."

The left side of his face turned up into a smirk. "Simple – 3 things; one, you _left_ her Edward. You know how badly you broke her and saw only the beginning. You have no concept of how she's handled it since you walked away. Therefore, you don't know that she would_ indefinitely_ take you back. And, you won't be able to handle it if she doesn't – so you won't even try. Two, you just _killed_ 3 relatively-living people. And you are showing so little remorse that I'm beginning to wonder if you're Aro's heir. Eventually their deaths will catch up with you and you'll start picturing Bella's face in their place…" he trailed off, looking down muttering softly "trust me, I know."

I waited a moment before inquiring as to the third reason. "Well, you've sufficiently insulted and scared me, so what could the third be?"

He looked up, staring intensely into my eyes. "You saw her being attacked, not even a month ago. You saw it, you knew what was going to happen and you let it. _If_ you went to see her again, _if _she let you back into her life, would you tell her? How would you explain it? How would she handle it? You've never been able to read her mind before, and your senses won't even be as acute as they are now. You won't be able to gauge her reaction until she has it. Edward, _she_ could leave _you_. And then all of it would be out of your control."

We took the elevator down to the main hall, nodding politely to the receptionist as we walked through the otherwise desolate corridor. Before we could open the doors to the main room Aro busted through from the other side grinning like a proud father. "Boys! You've returned quickly, and from what I gather it is not in defeat!" He bellowed joyously.

His right arm wrapped around mine and pulled me close. "Edward, would you like a last meal before you become prey yourself?" He asked, laughing merrily. I don't think in all my years of knowing of the Volturi, of Aro, I had _ever_ heard of him being drunkenly happy like he was this evening. I shook my head. "No, actually I think I'm going to retire to my room. We begin the process tomorrow, correct?"

Aro nodded and kept repeating the name "Ian" as if I would know who that was. Trust me; I thought the name was stupid too, until I heard that was the name of the man who would make me human again and essentially, save my soul.

Aro had explained that one of the newest additions to our world was much like Alice, Jasper and I in that he had a certain trait that was magnified in his transformation. It was actually quite ironic, his "talent". He had been a doctor in Sweden who had begun assisting patients with suicide when pain from disease had become too much to bear. In his life, he helped people die; in his afterlife he was helping dead people live. Ian being a newborn was still trying to quell his thirst and did not comprehend the power he held, but Aro had hoped to pass it off as nothing important once the newborn gained some control.

It surpassed what any of us others could do, tenfold.

He explained the process. The newborn wanted to kill anything; he was a hungry little beast and would even attack a vampire if denied a human meal long enough – though of course it wouldn't satiate him in the least. They had already deprived him for a week, anticipating my success in Alaska against the Denali's; so he was completely famished.

They would release him on me long enough for him to get a few deep bites in and pull him away to go feed on a group of innocent bystanders. The transformation duration varied, from what Aro had witnessed. Some only took a day or two while others had taken over a week. The "pink cheeks" as Jane had snidely dubbed them had admitted to feeling everything the opposite way as they had in their initial transformation. Instead of heat first, heat was last, instead of calm last, calm was just the beginning of the storm. It would start as it ended and go from completely still to freezing cold to immense heat, with each phase lasting a varying amount of time. And once I had recovered, I would be free to go. Of course, it was understood that I would speak none of this; however, as a human it would be much easier to destroy me if necessary so no one had really warned me against speaking out; I just knew better.

I thanked Aro again for this opportunity, and nodded towards Marcus before departing just as dinner began. I would never take another life again.

----

I spent hours in my quarters writing. I hadn't thought to ask Aro what the side effects would be, so I assumed the worst. I assumed that I would forget _everything_. So I wrote, and I wrote… Soon I had compiled nearly 15 or so heavy notebooks full of things I had experienced; all but 3 were about Bella.

I was wrapping up the last of my memories; the ones surrounding Bella visiting Italy. It would serve as a reminder why I couldn't see her, no matter how badly the need would be.

Aro strode into my room some time later, not bothering with greetings and nodded towards the door that he had just entered through. "It's time; he's ready." I followed him out, holding into memory _exactly_ how it felt to not need to breathe.

The newborn was so feisty I laughed. He looked like a twacked out junkie in the way he bounced from one leg to the other and sped from one end of the room to the opposite wall. We had moved into a cobblestone covered room with no windows and nothing but a single heavy wood door. I smirked at the baby with bright red eyes. "You hungry?"

Ian didn't hesitate and he dashed over to me; fortunately I was quicker and ran over to the other end of the room. I heard Aro chuckle and looked up to see him hovering above on a ledge that protruded from halfway up the wall like a balcony. "Is the prey playing with the predator?"

I grinned as I dodged the newborn again. "Just having a little bit of fun before I lose this speed; it really is the only thing I will miss about being as I am."

He nodded understandingly. "And you are _sure_ you want this? Obviously, you know it's not too late. After what you did to the Denali family, a newborn would be a bore to handle."

I nodded, no longer looking at him. This was what I had wanted since the change originally happened. I shut my eyes and stopped in the middle of the room, shutting my eyes tightly and focused on my Bella; her smell, her eyes and her body…

The next thing I remember feeling was the cold. It was the kind of biting cold that made your skin feel like it was on fire. It stung and it ached everywhere. I tried to focus on Bella; Bella in the snow making her first snowman, falling on the ice, catching her before she even felt herself falling. I tried to jolt myself out of this. _If I was human, I could never save her_. My body tensed even more once I realized that I hadn't even done as much when I _had_ the ability. I had let her be attacked, when I could have easily saved her. I tried to take the icy hot as penance. Thinking of that moment over and over again until I couldn't take it anymore and had to turn to another memory, though just as bad. I concentrated on the last time we had spoken, in the forest. I tried to keep focused on her eyes, how I had actually seen them break when I spewed my lies. The cold slowly faded and for what seemed like only a few seconds I was comfortable again, before the heat crept up in full force and I was on fire. I didn't think to move; I wasn't sure I could.

I thought about my family; about my real parents who died so long ago and the Cullens. Would I still be Edward Anthony Cullen when all was done, or would I go back to my real name Edward Anthony Masen? As the heat grew even more than I thought was possible all thoughts slipped from my mind as all I saw was heat and fire – coherent thought no longer possible…

----

I woke to the sound of choking and gasped, realizing it was my own. I heard a laugh in the distance and adjusted my eyes as I sucked in air greedily.

"About time; Jesus you were out for longer than any of the others, according to Aro. Almost a month!" Marcus noted sounding impressed as he walked closer to where I laid.

"A month, really?" I asked with a raspy voice. He nodded "Apparently what you just had there was called _asphyxiation_. Gotta remember to breathe again pink cheeks," he said cackling again.

I sat up a bit and rubbed hands over my face. My arms and hands were still pale, but had some pigment. I stared at my forearms in awe.

"So, how was it?" Marcus asked, pulling up a chair beside me.

"Exactly as Aro said; like being bitten only completely opposite."

"Hurt like hell, never thought it would end?"

"Have you ever heard of a _pleasant_ transformation?"

He chuckled again, and I coughed. "Remember there Edward, _breathe_."

After a few moments of banter back and forth, Marcus stood to leave. "You better get ready. Aro already has your plane ticket. You're going to Washington."

I looked at him questioningly. "Why?"

"Being human has already made you dumber, what a shame… to see the Cullens obviously. You need money; they have some for you. Aro already told them what happened, more or less."

"More or less?"

"The more of course, being you getting turned and how you managed to get that opportunity, the less being how it happened. We don't need other vamps thinking they can go back to being 'normal'" he answered using air quotes to emphasize how abnormal he thought being human was.

I buried my face in my hands. That was more than I had intended to tell them; _if_ I had ever gone back.

----

I wasn't used to flying. The 14 hour direct flight from Rome to Seattle had nearly killed me – literally. I was still adjusting to having to breathe regularly and had forgotten a few times. I had also completely forgotten about things like limbs getting stiff and hunger for real food.

My first meal as a born-again-human was airplane food. Needless to say, I began to question if my taste buds had gone through the transformation or had remained the same after that experience.

As I exited the plane, with only a carry on full of the books I had scribbled in the night before the process was underway, I was tackled by a very excited pixie.

"Edward! OH MY GOD! You smell SO good!! Let me look at you!!" She pulled us both up as I laughed nervously, tugging at my shirt. I still hadn't seen myself in the mirror. I had had to run to make my flight, completely overestimating how fast I could run as a human, and there hadn't been any mirrors at Volterra.

She stared up at me, eyes wide and a grin plastered on her face. "You're eyes… they're GREEN! Like grassy green! Oh my god Edward, you're HOT!" She giggled taking my heavy bag in one hand easily and leading me out to her yellow Porsche.

The rest of the family was shocked when they saw me. Emmett laughed about how he could finally out run me; Jasper was glad that I was feeling alright, Carlisle and Esme both had looks of relief with a hint of disappointment; obviously they were worried about how I would react to the guilt of what I had done, as a human. However, when I turned to Rosalie, she was shooting me death glares; she was _livid_. "What the _fuck_ makes you so special? Like there aren't hundreds of us out there who would have done what you did and MORE for the chance at life again!" She sneered at me and sped out of the room. Emmett patted my shoulder lightly. "It'll be ok man; she's just a little jealous right now. It'll wear off, eventually," he said calmly before running out to catch up with her.

"I think I speak for everyone here Edward, when I say that I'm glad you're alright but I'm just as glad that you can no longer read our minds," Alice added, smiling infectiously.

"Shockingly enough, me too."

----

That night I stood in the bathroom, naked and examining my body. It was no longer hard or cold; it was much softer and radiated heat. I no longer had an 8 pack, but my stomach was flat and when I tensed up I could see the outline of 6, which was good enough for me.

My face was what captivated me most outside of the look and texture of my skin. Alice had been right; my eyes were bright green. They looked _alive_. My face had even sprouted a 5 o'clock shadow. That was when it fully hit me.

I would age.

I knew I looked slightly older than my technical 17 years; but I would keep looking older. I would grow even more hair, and then possibly lose it. I would get wrinkles and a gut unless I worked out. My body was once again operating like a driver working the gas and breaks; as opposed to moving idly in cruise control.

I, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, would get old.

I laughed heartily at this obvious fact and stepped into the shower letting myself enjoy feeling the changes in temperature for the first time in 80 years.

-----

"I know what you're planning and don't." Alice warned as she stepped into my bedroom, with her arms across her chest.

"It won't end well if you do it now. I see something in your way, but I can't see what," she huffed sitting beside me on my bed.

"Alice, I need to. Things are so different now. I need to see if I have the same reaction to her now, without her scent being a factor; without her blood taunting me.

She sighed heavily and stood, throwing her arms up. "Fine! But _I'm_ going with you."

I'm not sure how she knew where Bella was, and I didn't ask. I had always held to the suspicion that Alice kept track of how Bella was, what she was up to; maybe even going so far as to hang out with her and not tell me. I could be mad about all that later if I found out it was true; right now, I was too anxious.

Another human emotion I hadn't had since seeing Bella.

We pulled into the parking lot of a Starbucks and Alice jumped out of her car.

"Since when does Forks have a Starbucks?" I asked, quirking a brow.

"Since they moved into the 21st century and got tired of kids driving all the way to Port Angeles for corporate caffeine," she sang as she grabbed my hand. I jumped.

"Christ Alice, you're _freezing_!"

She stopped dead in her tracks and howled. Oh, right, the vampire thing. How easily I had forgotten. Maybe Marcus had been right and I _was_ dumber.

We approached the walkway that led up to the front door when Alice yanked my arm, practically ripping it off as she pulled me into a nearby row of shrubs and ducked; I followed suit, cowering as low as I could, not knowing why.

"Sorry," she said wincing. "I forgot you're not as sturdy as we are anymore."

"It's ok. Why are hiding behind this thing anyway?"

She shook her head and lifted it slowly, pointing towards the left of the main door. There she sat. Beautiful as ever, wearing faded slightly baggy jeans and a navy blue and gold hooded sweatshirt that read BERKELEY. I stared outright. I couldn't help it. She was so beautiful. Her hair was up in a makeshift bun, being held up with 2 pencils as she bit down on a pen and flipped through a textbook she was holding.

I sucked in a breath. "Fuck Alice, she's even prettier than I remember."

She laughed and rolled her eyes. "Well duh. Bella's always been a babe. I don't know why you thought you wouldn't think she was hot- and OHMYGOD you swore!" she said giggling mischievously.

I smirked, shaking my head when I looked back towards Bella and saw that she was staring in our direction. I lowered my head, sure that she hadn't seen me before, but trying to hide as much as possible.

We had to wait 10 more long minutes before Bella went back to her book so we could make a run back to the car.

But I had seen her, and all that love that I thought I may have been able to throw aside and chalk up to vampire blood lust came bubbling to the surface again.

I was in love with Bella Swan all over again. But nothing had changed, I still didn't deserve her – so I would leave her be.

------

"Alice, fucking _answer_ me!" I yelled into the phone.

"What do you want me to say Edward? I own a women's clothing store; she evidently lives in Seattle and is obviously is a woman. It's a friggin coincidence, chill out."

"Is that honestly all it was? A coincidence? So you're never going to see her again?"

"Edward, now you're just being ridiculous. You know, sometimes I wish you were a vampire so I could beat the hell out of you without you dying," she said huffing with frustration into the phone. "Of _course_ I'm going to see her again. For one, she _was_ my best friend, and I _have_ missed her. Secondly, she's coming by tomorrow to pick out a dress to wear to some function with her boyfriend that's coming up."

My entire body froze. _Boyfriend_. So she had done what I'd asked and found a human to love; a normal life to live.

Wait I was human, why couldn't she have that with me? _Oh that's right…_ I thought as I recalled the perfectly logical reasons Marcus had outlined all those years ago.

I practically _felt_ Alice's pout. "Edward, I'm sorry I mean, not that you know, but that it came out like that. But really, you couldn't expect her to wait for you after what you did."

"No, no I shouldn't have." _But a part of me did._

"I'm not sure if this will make you feel better or worse, but she seems happy…"

"Better, Alice. Thank you." _No worse, way way worse._

"… She'll be in tomorrow morning, if you change your mind about the whole 'avoid Bella forever' plan you've had in effect for eons. I mean really Edward, who's to say how she'll react?"

"Bella will hate me; if not for what I did before, than for waiting so long since everything happened in Italy…" my voice trailed off. I couldn't help the sadness that seeped into my voice.

"But maybe you're wrong Edward. Maybe she won't fall in love with the old Edward who hurt her; maybe you're right in that sense. Then again, can you honestly say you'd want her to? You're completely different now; still caring, and sweet but _you_ are different. Maybe instead of loving your eyes when they're topaz, she'll fall in love with your green eyes."


	6. Chapter 5

_A/N: I'm baaaaaack._

_Ok so things are kinda calming down. This chapter was like pulling teeth because I've already got bits and pieces of later chaps written so i'm trying to get to the good stuff. Patients lovlies, it's-a-comin!_

_Thanks again to everyone who reads this thing. I heart you all a million times.  
_

_Steph Meyer owns the characters. RPatz owns my libido... and KStew owns all the clothes I want._

_Reviews make my world go round and encourage me to update often! :)_

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BPOV

Dinner had been incredible. I loved Italian and Il Forniao was Seth and I's spot for celebration dinners.

We discussed his upcoming work party, and I told him about running into Alice as he smiled across the table. "I'm glad Bells; I know how much you've missed her." I couldn't do anything but nod, smile and stuff my face with more pasta. I had the best fucking boyfriend in the world. Instead of getting angry or suspicious, he was genuinely happy that I had run into her. And truth be told, so was I.

As dinner progressed, I told him about _how_ I had run into her and that I would be going over the following morning to look through more of her dresses. He laughed as I recounted her nearly tackling me when she saw me, and smiled when I had finished talking and couldn't wipe the grin off my face. He grabbed my hand over the table and squeezed it gently. "Sounds like we both have a reason to celebrate."

---

I was practically giddy with excitement in getting reacquainted with my long lost best friend. I had debated throwing on a pair of track pants and a baggy t-shirt, just to stir up some of her old frustrations, but although it would have been amusing to me, I doubted she would have seen the humor in it. Instead I threw on a pair of faded black skinny jeans, a purple tunic with spaghetti straps and a belt that helped accentuate the curves I finally managed to get. I pulled my hair back into a haphazard bun and took off.

I skipped from where I had parked my car, down the four blocks to Alice's store only falling once as I stepped out of my flip flips mid-hop. I brushed myself off, as usual and walked the last ½ block.

I stepped inside, looking around for her. I had told her, I would come by, didn't I? "Bellllllllla!" she screeched and I looked around for her, not knowing where the voice had come from. I was suddenly side-tackled in an impossibly big hug. "Al... can't… breathe…" I panted, trying to extract her from me.

She pulled away, laughing. "Oh right, I forget you're breakable, like he is now…"

Huh?

"Like who?"

Her eyes went wide for a split second before relaxing.

"Oh, my dog; Jasper and I got a dog a few years ago. He's the cutest thing! You should come over some time and see him. I know Jasper would love to see you again. I couldn't stop talking about you last night when I got home. He said I reminded him of a Mexican jumping bean."

I laughed. He was right; she kinda did.

She bounced up and down in place wringing out her hands as I flipped through rows upon rows of her one of a kind dresses. I pulled out a few dark green and black dresses.

"So… tell me all about him Bella. I'm dying here! Who is he? Is he hot? Wait, no of _course _he's hot! Duh! What's he do? How old is he? Did you meet through Jacob? Does Jacob even _know?_" She asked her questions in rapid-fire succession. I couldn't do anything but laugh at her enthusiasm as I pulled a deep violet dress from one of the racks to examine the details a bit more closely.

"His name is Seth. _Of course _he's hot; at least _I _think so – and that's all that really matters, right?" I replied with a wink. She grinned and nodded.

"And what else…?"

"Oh, um… he works in advertising. Yes he knows Jacob – we actually met through him kind of. Though we met as friends and well… it just kinda progressed from there, you know?"

She nodded, weaving through a row of dresses herself, pulling out twice as many as I had selected, for me to try.

"So yea, of course, Jacob knows. Though I can't say how happy he is about it. I think his jealousy-slash-approval comes in waves. At the end of the day I think he's just happy that I didn't end up with…" my voice trailed off as I caught myself about to say his name.

"Edward." She stated matter-of-factly.

I didn't bother agreeing outright. We both knew.

There was silence for a few moments before I let out a breath and shook my head.

"How is he anyway?" I tried to ask as aloofly as I could. "I mean, do you still see him, or is he doing his own thing?"

She bit her lip and moved her head side to side while looking up at the ceiling as if deciding how or what exactly to tell me.

"He's… okay. We went through a period where we didn't talk for a bit, a couple years ago. But we've been communicating again for awhile. He's changed a lot since your high school days."

I couldn't help but snicker. "What, he's given up chasing high school human girls?"

Her face fell and I immediately felt horrible.

"God… Alice, I didn't mean… god, I'm sorry; I don't know why I even asked that. It's not like I _care_." Did I? No, no I definitely did _not_ care.

She shook her head. "No, Bella it's ok. But yes, he has stopped chasing girls in high school."

It didn't escape me that she left out the other age-bracket of girls he could be chasing, or the _human_ factor, but I let it go.

She led me towards the back of the store and plopped the dresses onto a chaise lounge chair that sat in one of the two luxuriously sized fitting rooms.

"There's one more dress I want you to try on, but get started with these first," she commanded as she jogged gracefully out of sight.

I tossed the dresses that were in my arms on top of Alice's pile and began with the madness of trying on nearly 50 different gowns.

-----

I had made the _perfect_ dress for Bella last night. I had closed up early, right after she had left. I had already pictured it in my head and couldn't wait to get started on it when I arrived home.

Of course, Jasper immediately sensed my excitement and extra cheerful mood as I opened the door to the penthouse suite we owned not a mile from my store.

His arms wrapped around mine tenderly as he kissed my forehead. "What's with the extra pep in your step? You have a big sale today?"

I pushed him away gently. "BELLA's BACK!!" I cheered. "No time to discuss right now – have to start on her dress. Come into the sewing room, and I'll give details."

And details I gave. I explained that I had a feeling she would come back, but had refrained from saying anything about it since I wasn't 100% sure she'd even step inside; let alone not tear me apart for leaving her too – and I hadn't wanted to jinx it.

I told him about her boyfriend, and how I hadn't been able to see him in her life since he had been a werewolf, like Jacob; and how happy and beautiful she had become. He seemed just as thrilled at my news of Bella's return, perhaps since he had been able to fully control himself around all types of humans – even some when they bled, for nearly 6 years and felt confident he could handle himself around her, unlike the last time they had interacted.

Jasper had left me to my project at around 3am to go read a new history book that he picked up at a used bookstore earlier in the week. Before I knew it, light was streaming into our floor to ceiling windows and the grey mass of clouds was prominent in the sky. I glanced at the clock – 9am; I had been working on this for nearly 15 hours and it was finally done.

----

BPOV

I had made it through trying on all of the dresses I had picked out before I looked up to see that Alice had tossed a navy blue strapless gown over the door.

"I'm back. You can start coming out and modeling them any time now…" she said in her cheerful sing-song voice.

I slipped on a dark red halter cult dress that had a deep V neck. It almost looked like a J-Lo wannabe dress.

I stepped outside, giving Alice a "what the fuck" kind of look.

She laughed hysterically. "I just wanted to see if you'd even _attempt_ to try it on."

I shook my head and shot her a dirty look before chuckling a little myself.

"You know it doesn't look _too_ bad. I mean, I definitely wouldn't wear it in public; more like as ridiculously overdone lingerie. But Seth would _definitely_ be into this. And into getting me _out_ of it…"

Alice's mouth dropped. "Oh my god. Little Bella is having _sex_!" she broke into another fit of giggles.

"Of _course_ Alice, jeeze. Did you think I would remain celibate my entire life?"

Alice pursed her lips as if seriously thinking about the question. "Well, I guess I just hadn't really thought about it. But for some reason I find it incredibly amusing," she admitted, smiling a big cheesy smile.

"Well I haven't been; and Seth is… _fantastic._" I gushed.

"Is he the only one you've been with?"

"No, there were a couple guys in college, no big deals – literally," I answered unable to hold back a laugh.

I was full of surprises for Alice, which was nice for a change. I saw her eyes go wide.

"My, my Bella, someone's gone and become a little hussy, who _talks_ about it!"

I grinned, turning around and wiggling my butt as I stepped into the fitting room to try on the next dress.

"So he's good?" she hollered as if there was a concrete wall between us, rather than a 7 foot piece of wood.

"Mhm, he's the only guy who has ever been able to make me… you know…"

"ORGASM!" she shouted loudly. I could only _hope_ there was no one else in the store.

Once the embarrassment of the moment faded, I laughed quietly. "Yea, Alice."

"You can't even say the _word_ Bella. Aww… well at least _some_ things about you that haven't changed."

I stepped out of the dressing room wearing a long black velvet dress that had thin spaghetti straps and ribbon braiding in the back, exposing most of my skin all the way down to just about the top of my ass.

"That one looks nice, but you may not want to show that much skin to Seth's higher-ups."

"That's exactly what I was thinking."

"Don't bother with the others; just try on that blue one on the door," she advised, tapping her foot anxiously.

I sighed heavily. "Thank god, I was about to ask for an intermission."

I walked back into the room and stepped out of the velvety gown, and grabbed the dress hanging on the door.

This one was much lighter, and silkier between my fingers. I slipped it over my head and it fit like second skin. It was strapless, with a neckline that hit my chest perfectly; exposing just a little bit of cleavage, but not enough that I would worry about being ogled all night in it. The rest of the dress clung to my body just as perfectly. It was slightly stretchy but smooth; I definitely wouldn't be able to eat in this dress as it clung so tightly.

The material gathered at my feet, and I briefly wondered how high my heels would need to be in order to be able to avoid draggin half the dress on the floor.

I stepped out of the fitting room, one of my arms clutching just below my bust line, looking down at my feet as I walked to make sure I didn't trip on the million yards of fabric that pooled around me. "Alice, I don't know; this seems awfully… um… form-fitting, don't you think?"

"Even so, you look nothing shy of perfection in it," a familiar voice crooned beside me, sending a shiver down my spine.

I whipped my neck around to find myself staring intently at a pair of bright green eyes.

My eyes pulled away from their auto focus to take in the full features of the man standing in the doorway to the main fitting room entrance. My breath hitched.

_Edward_?


	7. Chapter 6

_Dear goodness. Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chap. There was some great feedback in it._

_This chap has a teensy-weensy little lemon in it. Just FYI in case you aren't into that kind of thing. Oh and lots of swearing. And by lot's I mean a **f-ing ton**_._  
_

_Duh SMeyer owns the characters, not me.  
_

_Review are love, and you all are lovely._

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EPOV

I stood there just staring at her. I tried to gauge her reaction, which was proving difficult since so far she hadn't done anything but watch at me.

"Bella…" I exhaled her name softly. My voiced seemed to trigger something in her and she jerked her head, quickly snapping out of her daze.

She turned around, and almost tripped as she scurried into the fitting room and closed the door.

Deafening silence filled the room until I heard her zip up her pants. She swung open the wooden door; her eyes glassy and filled with tears.

_Fuck all I said was her name and she's already about to cry_.

She stomped over to me, biting her lower lip.

"How long?" She asked in a demanding tone.

"How long what?" I was pulling an Alice and would feign ignorance for as long as I could. Of course, I knew what she was _referring_ to.

"Don't _fucking_ give me that Edward! HOW FUCKING LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HUMAN!?" She screamed.

I had never heard Bella yell.

I clenched my teeth and looked down, suddenly intimated by her aggressiveness. This was new; my Bella wasn't aggressive, or easily angered. I cursed myself and began to wonder if she had become this abrasive _because_ I had left her to fend for herself. I looked down as I whispered my reply.

"Awhile."

She grabbed my chin between her fingers and lifted my head up so I was looking right into her eyes. She pulled her hand away, gasping quietly. I wondered if it was because she felt the same electric current that I had when she had touched my skin; or if it had been because my face was no longer icy and hard, but soft and warm.

"How long is _awhile_, Edward?" Her voice was cold, dead, and beyond furious.

"Four years."

Her eyes went wide as she took in my response. Her lips pursed and she shook her head before rushing out of the room, careful to avoid touching me and walked quickly out of the store.

----

APOV

I had debated staying in there with her – for moral support. Really. But I'm not a fan of feeling uncomfortable and that's _exactly_ what would have happened if I had waited for Bella to see Edward.

Un-freaking-comfortable.

So, once Edward had made the decision to come by I knew I'd have to hide out for a few minutes.

When I smelled Edward enter the store I quietly snuck out to the front and backed him into the storefront window.

"I am warning you now, this won't end well. But you're going to do whatever you do. I just better not lose her again because _you're_ an idiot." I snarled at him.

That's right. I, Alice Cullen, _snarled_. And I meant it. It was hard enough leaving her the first time; if she was the one to leave this time, I would destroy Edward – brother or not.

He nodded, smirking. "Don't worry Alice, I have a good feeling about this one," he answered in a hushed voice.

"Oh right, because _you're_ the one with the ability to see the future. I _completely_ forgot."

I rolled my eyes and threw up my hands in temporary defeat dashing quietly to the back of the store towards my office.

----

Once I heard Bella yelling, I knew I had been right. It was bittersweet; I had been right to try and keep Edward away, but I knew that this was killing him. Bella didn't need him anymore, and that had always been something he had clung to; her _need_ for him. And by the tone of her voice, it was pretty clear she didn't even _want_ him.

After I had heard the bell above the front door ring, I knew it was safe to come out.

Edward was standing in the doorway to the fitting room area looking utterly perplexed.

"Is it too soon to say I told you so?" I felt for him, but I was still angry. I had a feeling Bella would try and pin this on me and make me take the brunt of it.

His eyes turned to look at me. "Don't Alice. Not now."

I nodded and sighed, making my way over to him and wrapping him up in a hug.

"When did she change? When did she stop being…_Bella_?" He asked, breathing into my hair.

I pulled away and furrowed my eyebrows. "I don't know what the heck you're talking about, but she's the same Bella. Maybe a little less willing up to put up with you, but come on Edward look at it from her point of view. You _left_ her, told her you didn't _love_ her, and seven years later you just pop up out of nowhere, _human_? I mean really, give the girl some credit; if it were me you'd be dead or at the very least, very _very_ bloody."

He took a deep breath. "I suppose you're right. I just… I thought… but she seemed…"

"You just assumed she wouldn't grow up? Wouldn't grow a pair? You thought you could just walk in here with your new warm skin and electric eyes she would what, swoon? Fall all over you? Forgive you for everything? And she seemed what, angry? No joke Edward, you _ruined_ her all those years ago. She had to rebuild herself from scratch. And so she did that and made herself stronger in the process. It takes a whole hell of a lot to do that Edward. She's just as sweet, if not more so than before and she knows the only thing you've done for any extended period of time is _disappear._"

"Fuck Alice, when did this thing get to be so out of control?" He asked rhetorically, pulling on his hair in frustration.

"Um, Edward, probably the minute you left her?"

"You know what I mean…"

I looked at him pointedly. "_Obviously_ when you ran to us instead of her when you left Rome, you idiot."

"Right…" He said decidedly.

----

BPOV

_Oh my god what just happened?_

_Oh, right. I just saw Edward. And he's fucking human_.

I was taking so many consecutive deep breaths I was making myself light headed.

Pulling into the designated spot I had in my apartment's garage, I noticed that Seth's car was gone from the place it had been in that morning. I sighed with relief. I would have time to get my bearings before meeting up with him later for our weekly movie/takeout date night.

I flopped down onto my sofa the minute I entered my flat and closed my eyes. The entire confrontation with Edward had lasted _maybe_ 5 minutes, but it had been completely exhausting.

I sat up, remembering one thing I had to do before I would be able to fully relax. I pulled my cell from the front pocket of my jeans and flipped it open, sending Alice a quick text.

**How long have you know?**

The response was immediate and I was almost optimistic that this was fairly new to her too; perhaps we could vent to one another about this.

**Since the beginning.**

My face fell reading her text and I turned off my phone. I tossed it onto the leather chair that matched the sofa I was about to start hibernating on and closed my eyes, trying to forget everything that had transpired today.

"_Bella…" his breath was warm against my neck._

_I turned to face him. My eyes couldn't tear away from his eyes. I had always known them as a deep topaz but now it was a vibrant grassy green pair that stared back at me._

_Before I could register what was happening he had me pinned against the dressing room mirror, kissing me without reservation. He was _finally_ not being careful or gentle. I groaned into the kiss and hitched one leg over his hip. His arm snaked down the side of my body, tracing along my thigh gently before gripping it firmly and thrusting his pelvis into mine. _

"_Ungh, Edwarrrd…" I moaned as my lips left his and my head lolled back against the mirror. _

"_I _will_ make you mine tonight Bella. There will be no question as to whom you belong. Do you understand?" He growled into my ear._

_I moaned again, my breath getting shallower. I heard him inhale as he took in the scent of skin along my neck and bit down securely latching his teeth into my skin as I let out a puff of air. The way both his hands were now gripping my thighs tightly, fastening them to either side of his hips, coupled with his biting were driving me insane. Fuck this felt good. He growled into my neck, licking where his teeth had broken through skin. "Fuck Bella, I'm glad I never nipped at you before. I wouldn't have been able to stop; you taste amazing," he grunted softly into my ear._

_I mewed, and pushed my heated core against his very evident erection. _

"_What do you want Bella?"_

"_You."_

"_What do you want me to do to you Bella."_

_I licked my lower lip, tugging it between my teeth before gasping as I felt him thrust against me once more. "Fuck me. God, just fuck me Edward."_

"_I need to know what you need Bella, before I can fuck you."_

"_I need you Edward. Fuck, I need you and your dick."_

"_Did you need me before? When I first saw you?" He purred into my ear._

_I sucked in a breath, before responding. "Yes. Fuck I needed you the moment I saw you. Now please, shove your cock where I need it…"_

_He grinned that half smirk that just managed to make me even wetter._

"_Only for me. Your pussy, is only for _me_. Once I fuck you, it's_ _mine; _you're mine_." I whimpered in agreement as his hands slid up to my hips and he pushed himself into my aching center._

_I yelped out as I felt his length fill me. He didn't wait for me to adjust to his size before he began thrusting into me in short hard bursts._

"_Fuck, Bella… you, unggh… feel so fucking good. It's like your pussy was made for my cock."_

_I moaned, having lost the ability to form words as I clawed at his shoulder blades, digging my nails as deep as they would go. Even soft and warm, Edward felt amazing._

"_Faster Edward, I need it harder. Tear me apart," I commanded into his ear, my hot breath making him shudder against me._

_His pace picked up and I felt myself nearing the cliff._

"_Is this okay baby? I'm fucking you… with all that... I've got." He was having a hard time catching his breath as he pushed against me even harder._

"_Ungghhhhhh, Edward… fuck. I'm so close…" I cursed, sweat pooling on my skin as I looked and noticed his body glistening as well._

_One of his hands slid down between our bodies, his thumb rubbing my clit furiously. "Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck," I panted._

_My hands moved up gripping his hair and tugging on it hard. "Fuck Bella… fuck, you feel too fucking good…" he was breathing heavily and swallowed hard. "You need to fucking cum, so I can explode in you…"_

_I arched my back and at his words completely let go. I saw stars, and I'm pretty sure I blacked out for a split second at the intensity. I felt his breath on my neck as he grunted once more, "Fuucck Bella, you're pussy… fuuuuuuuck," and I felt him push even deeper and twitch inside me, resting his head on my shoulders as we both tried to catch our breaths as his body released completely into me._

"_That was…"_

"_I know…"_

I jolted up hearing my telephone ringing, as my answering machine caught it.

"Hey Bells, it's me. I just wanted to call and see if you were around. You didn't pick up your cell, so now I'm just figuring Alice wore you out and now you're passed out," he said with a chuckle.

Fuck he knew me too well… kind of.

"Anyway, gimme a call when you get this so we can figure out a time for tonight. Love you."

And the annoying beep announcing the message had been saved rang out. And all I could do was collapse back onto the sofa, wiping the droplets of sweat that had formed on my forehead off.

_Fuck._

----

That night I got all dolled up. I felt guilty about my dream; even though a part of me knew I had no control over it. Regardless, I spent extra time doing my hair in a few loose ringlets and threw on a short black and white print floral baby-doll dress. I even put on a little make up – just for Seth.

I knocked on his door and he smiled, momentarily taken aback at my appearance.

"Wow Bells. You look…" his voice trailed off as he looked me up and down. I couldn't help the blush that escaped me as he pulled me inside quickly, shoving me against the wall beside his door and kissing my lips. He slowly made his way down my neck and sucked gently at the spot where my shoulder and neck met.

"Bella you look incredible. We don't _have_ to watch the movie, do we?" He whined into my ear.

I smirked, grinning. "I was thinking… we could… I dunno… play, or something."

He looked up at me and smirked, picking me up bridal style and carrying me into his bedroom…

-----

I laid there in his bed, my head resting on his bare chest and he had one arm wrapped around my naked waist. I liked sleeping like this; dozing off to the sound of his heartbeat.

I laughed quietly to myself. I was an idiot for reading that much into a dream. I mean, the night before I had dreamt I was a giant chocolate bar who sought revenge on the people that ate me and was running around a supermarket trying to kill people. That didn't mean that I really _wanted_ to be a chocolate bar that ate people to seek revenge. It just meant my mind was a bit off-kilter. I snuggled into Seth's body even more and sighed contently, pleased that I had finally come to my senses over the whole thing.

I wound up telling him about seeing Edward the next morning.

We were eating breakfast on his couch; just some eggs, toast and coffee – nothing fancy.

"So, I think I found a dress for your work party," I said casually as I munched on a piece of toast. He took a sip of coffee and nodded.

"Good. Did you and Alice have fun? Was it just like old times?"

"Eh kinda," I swallowed the toast and took a quick sip of coffee. "We didn't hang out for long. Edward surprised her with a visit." Okay so that _could _have been true.

He froze when I said Edward's name, but relaxed quickly when I explained how shocked I'd been to find out he was human and seemed to have been for a few years.

"Human, huh? Well good for him."

I had had a sex dream – of which I hadn't told him about – about Edward and he was sitting there _happy_ for the guy! Ugh.

I nodded, "green eyes and everything."

He smiled and leaned over to kiss my forehead before returning to his eggs. "You okay with it? With seeing him and being human and everything?"

I thought a minute and shrugged. "It doesn't really affect me, so I don't really care. I mean, it's great that he's got his soul back and everything, but I never thought he had lost it… so I guess this just means something to him." Wow when did I get to be such a bitch?

"And his family, I'm sure. Did you talk to Alice about it?"

I shrugged. "Not really. I was kind of shocked with seeing him, especially like _that_. I'll call her soon though."

He smiled, and finished up his toast. "Good, I'm sure she could really use someone who is separated from the situation to talk to about it."

----

Despite my revelation that night, over the next week the dream periodically managed to sneak back into my thoughts and frazzled me so much that I spent a better part of my days in and out of a spaced-out bubble.

Seth asked me if I was ok constantly; I think he thought I'd had a stroke by the 2nd night and even suggested we go to the hospital to "check it out." He fucking worried about me too much. It was really cute and sweet and god, one of the things I loved most about him.

He didn't even suspect that it could have anything to do with my run in with Edward, which only served to make me feel like a bigger ass, since it kind of did.

I had made up my mind that the only reason I had the dream about Edward was because it had been such a shock to see him. When that didn't fly, I rationalized that of _course_ I would fantasize about an ex I hadn't seen in forever; especially when he looked _that good_. That thinking of course, led to guilt, mortification and more self-hatred. My last resort was thinking back to the way I had logically made it mean nothing based on all the other dreams I had that were ridiculous – like the one about being a giant chocolate bar. That one usually worked and calmed me down.

Despite telling Seth I would call Alice, I hadn't managed to in over a week. I was still hurt; there was no way she _didn't_ know how much it would have meant to know Edward was human. How much or what it meant now, was irrelevant; she'd know _all four years_. And since she admitted to occasionally looking into my future, she would have easily been able to corner me in an ally and let me know.

Unless of course, Edward had told her _not_ to – which seemed highly likely, the more I thought about it. Edward being human meant that I was just another ex-girlfriend. Of course he wouldn't want to see me; he had wild oats to sow or something. He had decades of sex to catch up on, of girls to chase; he had no use to look up an old girlfriend he had never really cared about anyway.

It was a vicious circle. I would think these things, but then I would realize that I don't _really_ care and that I'm more upset with Alice on principle, but if Edward told her not to say anything, she wouldn't have. But why would Edward have told her that?

Get the point?

Ugh. Stupid vicious cycles. Stupid vivid Edward sex dreams. Stupid, stupid Bella.


	8. Chapter 7

Crazy long chapter for me. Hopefully it makes up for the delay in updates.

I love everyone for reviewing the last chapter. I got a lot of great guesses as to what's going to happen next.

S Meyer owns everything, and her characters own my weekends.

Reviews are lovely just as all of you are :)

* * *

EPOV

After my run in with Bella, I had decided to take time the following weekend to go visit Carlisle and Esme.

I hadn't seen either of them in months which seemed more like years, considering how close we had all been… before.

It wasn't that I was trying to separate myself from the rest of my family; I just had needed to set foot on my own and spread my wings a bit _as a human_. Of course, that was after Carlisle had helped me become the youngest doc St. Mary's Hospital had ever had. He had assisted me in obtaining the documents needed to prove I had more than passed medical school with flying colors but had also done my externship directly under him and his staff. I would never be able to thank Carlisle enough for the strings he pulled to help me get to where I was – just over a year into my residency at the ER of St. Mary's Hospital.

Alice had of course, thought that my return home would be a _fantastic_ idea. "Maybe it'll bring back some of that insecurity and make you more humble; make you _realize_ that Bella's not the only one who has changed," she said frigidly two days after my visit to her shop.

She was beyond livid with me. After receiving Bella's text she had immediately seen Bella not talking to her for an extended period of time and of course, she blamed it all on me.

Which I guess she _might_ be right about. Maybe. But I wasn't about to admit that to her, so she could rip me a new asshole. It was bad enough receiving the occasional text from her with details of how she wanted to destroy me; what she would do & Jasper would help her accomplish. I never took them seriously of course, but I did worry that if Bella did sever ties with Alice, Alice would do the same to me, with the rest of the family following suit in time.

And I couldn't lose the only family I had left.

I took off Friday morning, trying to make it there by noon to surprise Esme. I arrived after 1, thanks to a traffic jam caused by a semi-truck tipping over on the 2 lane road just outside of Port Angeles.

I wandered into the house shouting Esme's name, as I knew Carlisle would be at the hospital for at least a few more hours.

There was no answer so I wandered upstairs to my old room. It was the same, only a full sized chaise lounge has been put in place of the older smaller one, so that I could sleep in here when I visited. I walked over to my closet, dragging my computer chair behind me. I slid it into the closet and climbed to stand on top of it, reaching to the back part of the top shelf and grabbing the small wooden box I kept hidden.

Leaving the chair in the closet, I closed the door and walked over to my bed, falling backwards onto it. I winced as I noticed I had fallen directly on to the remote for my stereo system. I reached under myself and pulled it out, hitting the "play" button.

I sighed, hearing the familiar melody of Third Eye Blind; of course it would be an album from Bella's favorite band. God evidently hated me right now.

I opened the lid of the brown box that I had placed beside me on the bed. The contents were things that no one, I don't even think Alice, knew about. They were the pieces of the good times that I had kept – the photos of me and Bella and some of just Bella; I had taken the ones of just her the summer before everything went to shit.

The first was of her grinning into the camera, one hand blurred slightly in front of her as she tried grabbing the camera from me. She had been adamant that I not photograph her. She said she wasn't pretty enough to be remembered in pictures. How wrong she had been.

The photo behind it was another one of just Bella. It was a rare sunny day in Forks, just after the 4th of July. She and I were in our meadow just hanging out. We had both brought books to read, and I had brought us a blanket and for Bella, a picnic basket full of items Esme had made; she was really becoming quite the chef and she seemed to love it – despite the disgusting smells that permeated throughout the house thanks to human food.

Bella had been reading a collection of Oscar Wilde short stories when the picture was taken. She didn't even notice until after she heard the shutter of the lens. She had swatted me with her book after that and we had spent the remainder of the afternoon lost in each others' lips and delicate touches.

My senses drifted from the photos to the lyrics of the song blasting from the speakers

_That's when I knew that I could never have you,  
I knew that before you did,  
Still I'm the one who's stupid  
And there's this burning, like there's always been,  
I've never been so alone, and I've never been so alive. _

I hated this song; it was so Bella and I. I debated skipping the song, but since I was taking a stroll down memory lane with the pictures, I might as well allow myself to be all-consumed with her.

I drifted back to the pictures and flipped to the next in line. I smiled; this one was of her and I. Her friend Angela had taken when the four of us, Angela, Bella, me, and Angela's boyfriend Ben had gone down to Seattle for a day in the city. We were on the ferry headed over to Bainbridge Island. Bella's hair was blowing and we were facing each other, my face somewhat obscured as I was whispering into her ear.

"_Bella someday when you're older, I want to take this ferry with you and get down on one knee and beg for you to be stay with me forever."_

The camera had flashed then and I never received a response.

The next picture was from her birthday, a couple weeks before the last time I saw her in Forks. She, Alice and I were laughing at Emmett's grimace at the smell of her birthday cake. Refined sugar was one of the worst stenches to us but the rest of us easily hid our discomfort by simply not breathing. Emmett the ever curious vamp decided it couldn't be _that_ bad and inhaled deeply to which he nearly upchucked. The three of us were in hysterics for a good 10 minutes. Bella was laughing so hard she was crying and Alice & I were laughing so hard we found ourselves gasping unnecessarily for air.

The lyrics once again overpowered the photo and I lolled my head back listening intently.

_And this is the last time, well be friends again.  
And I'll get over you, you'll wonder, who I am.  
And there's this burning, just like there's always been,_

The one behind the birthday photo was my second favorite photo. Bella had taken it with her cell phone and had sent it to my cell on one particularly sunny summer day when she was dragged up to the reservation by Charlie to go visit Billy and Jacob. It was Bella smiling her big, beautiful smile holding a piece of binder paper that she had written on with a blue marker:

"4 things: 1) I love you. 2) I miss you. 3) You're the only one that can make me smile this big (with an arrow pointing to her face where she was indeed smiling brightly) and 4) I'll make sure to shower before I come over tonight so I don't smell like dog to you."

I had saved that photo in my phone up until I had gone to Volterra. I had printed it out and put it in with the others as a reminder if I ever returned that everything I was doing was to protect Bella, to keep her safe.

I flipped to the last photo I had of our time together. It was an odd angled shot of us laying in the meadow. I sighed heavily remembering that this was the last time we had been there together. Bella had said she wanted one of her and me at our happiest that summer and had decided for us that we were both the most carefree there. I had one arm snaked around her waist, my thumb playing with the exposed skin between the top of her jeans and bottom of her sweater. Her head was on my chest but her face was turned toward the camera and her arms were wrapped around me, with one hidden under my shirt where she had been tracing letters into my skin, making me guess what she was writing. I had the biggest grin on my face and her smile was so soft, so _genuine_.

And I grumbled at the stereo as it continued playing the same band, and each song reminded me more and more of her.

_And I'm hanging on your words  
Like I always used to do  
The words they use so lightly  
I only feel for you  
I only know because I carry you around  
In the background  
Cause I felt you long after we were through_

I turned on my side to put the photos back in the box, when I noticed the strip of photo booth pictures Bella and I had taken on our trip with Angela and Ben to Seattle. I pulled it out, placing the other photos at the bottom of the box.

The first was a sillier photo; she was sticking out her tongue and going cross-eyed while I raised one eyebrow and furrowed the other as if saying "what the fuck is she doing?"

The second was the opposite; with me making the odd facial expression and Bella looking nothing but confused.

The third was of her on my lap sideways, her arms around my neck and mine around her waist. We were staring at each other with such intensity it gave me a shiver just looking at.

The last was of her still on my lap and us kissing. I remember we got lost in that kiss and didn't stop until a little girl ran up and slid the curtain open shouting "mommy! That girl is attacking that boy!"

I laughed quietly at the memory and put the photos on top of the others in the box, before standing up and stretching.

I needed to let this go. I grabbed the photo of Alice, Bella and I, and walked into Alice's old room placing it on her bed.

----

SPOV

I was talking to Jacob about Edward. I had nearly a week to digest what Bella had told me, and although I was more or less okay with it; I did have my worries.

Edward and I, even despite our differences had always been on relatively good terms. We had a mutual respect for each other and recognized that while most of our respective groups acted out of past grievances we could logically see that neither of our families posed a threat to one another. Unfortunately, I was the only one to acknowledge it in the pack and outside of Edward and Carlisle the others seemed to hold the same hostility at us as Sam and Jacob had for them.

That was partially why I went to Jacob in the first place. He needed to know Edward was human. I don't know why, but I felt that it would calm him or change him or make him a less angry person. I should have used the logic I had had before to realize it wouldn't.

He was nothing but suspicious of what Edward was forced to do to get that chance. I won't lie, I had been curious myself, but I felt that at the end of the day it didn't matter. The present situation mattered. Edward was human. Bella and Alice were friends again. Edward was in Alice's life as well.

What did that mean for Bella and me?

That worried me. But I trusted her; I knew she wouldn't do something reckless, and I was fairly confident she wouldn't leave me for him after so much had changed. She had an undertone of hurt when she explained that she hadn't been told by Alice about his change, and that she was beyond shocked to see him. And I wasn't sure if that hurt stemmed from Alice knowing and possibly keeping it from her or from Edward not seeking her out once he had been changed.

But at the same time, I knew I couldn't be naïve. Edward had been Bella's everything for so long that there had to be some things that she was feeling that she was hiding from me, probably to protect _my_ feelings. Which was understandable but still frustrating; I would much rather have her tell me everything going through her head about it, than nothing at all.

I was so in love with Bella; I had actually started thinking about taking the next step and asking her to move in with me. There were days at work when I would have given an arm and leg to hear her voice, to have her calm me down after a crazy staff meeting or to just have her say hello. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, I think. I mean, I liked the idea more than I didn't like it.

And I knew she loved me; well, as much as she would let herself. And I'm not entirely sure she has ever been or is now _in love_ with me. But right now I'm okay with that. I get how badly Edward fucked her up – I _saw_ the impact losing that kind of love had on her. I probably would be just as gun shy about falling in love again too if I were in her shoes.

So it was hard for me. On one hand, I was crazy in love with Bella and I wanted to be selfish and tell her that I didn't want her seeing Alice again if it meant Edward was in the picture; but the bigger part of me that doing that would just make her run to them faster. I knew that against Edward she would choose me but against Alice, Edward and the rest of their family I wasn't so sure.

----

The day of my company's latest promo launch party had quickly approached. Between wrapping up the project, Bells running into Alice and everything else nearly three weeks had passed.

I had been concerned about Bella's mood and behavior since her run-in with Edward. She seemed dazed, as if constantly lost in thought. I panicked one night after having too much coffee in an attempt to work through the night on the presentation I would give at the launch.

I had convinced myself that the shock of seeing Edward and Alice and everything associated with the Cullen's reunion had literally given her a stroke and that's why she was acting so off-kilter. Of course she brushed it off and said she was just nervous about the security of her position at work since they hired two new writers despite the economy and one just _happened_ to have previously done book reviews for the San Francisco Chronicle. I bought that for the time being, figuring she was using it as an excuse to ignore the real issue at hand.

But after that night, she seemed to be her old self. And I could not have been more relieved.

----

I woke up the morning of the company party to the sound of Bella's iPod alarm clock blasting Third Eye Blind, yet again. I swear that was the only band she ever woke up to. She said they had always been a favorite of hers and that even if the rest of her day was crap, she could look back and know she had a good morning because she woke up to hearing them.

I kind of thought she was obsessed, but I never said anything. At least it wasn't some poppy boy band from the 90s.

I rolled over onto my side, eyes still closed and searched for Bella. I smiled as I found her waist and pulled her close to me. "Morning beautiful," I murmured into her ear groggily.

"Mmm..." she turned around to face me, her eyes half open a smile playing on her lips. "Morning."

She yawned, covering her mouth from shoving morning breath into my face.

"Bells, do you have anything you have to do today before we head to the party? Remember we need to get there a little early so I can meet with my boss for a quick pre-speech pow-wow."

She nuzzled her face into my neck, shaking her head. "The only thing I have to do today before I start getting ready is you; preferably over and over again."

I groaned into her hair and pulled her onto me so she was straddling me. It was rare, but I couldn't deny I _loved_ when Bella talked like that.

She had a triumphant smirk on her face as she covered her mouth. "Morning breath – I'm going to go brush my teeth first."

I grabbed her hips not letting her move from her position over my body. "It's fine Bells; pretty sure we'll have other things to focus on," I cooed.

"You sure? I mean it'll only take like two..." I cut her off with my lips as I moved one hand quickly to the back of her neck and pulled her down to me. I nipped at her lower lip and she opened her mouth up invitingly and I slid my tongue into hers and moaned as I felt her tongue begin to wrestle with mine. Yea, okay so it was _kind of_ funky frenching my girl with morning breath but this was Bella, and I was in love with everything that was Bella – even her gnarly morning breath.

She pulled away slowly, looking at me with heavy, lust-filled eyes. "Okay," she began as she caught her breath. "That wasn't the best taste ever, but it wasn't _too _terrible, right?" She looked at me with apprehension as if maybe her mouth tasted a hundred times worse than mine. I smiled and whispered against her lips, "right, but I think I may need to try it again just to be positive."

Her body shifted as we kissed again, and she pulled her lips from mine again, to sit up and position herself right above my throbbing erection. I loved when she was on top. Bella had such an amazing body, and there was nothing more beautiful than her first thing in the morning on top of me, with the morning sun shining onto half of her, making the blonde and red natural highlights of her hair sparkle, and making her creamy pale skin seem like it was glowing.

She lowered herself onto me slowly, biting her lower lip and we both let out a moan as she pushed herself as far down as she could. My hands found their way to her ass and started helping her move up and down on my shaft. She leaned forward, pressing her hands into the mattress just above my shoulders. She picked up the pace, groaning "_oh fuck_" as I started moving my hips up to meet her thrusts downward.

She was bouncing on my dick and she looked amazing. Sweat was beginning to form between her breasts and I lowered my head to lick it off slowly. She whimpered, and lowered her face to my neck, biting and sucking her way down from my earlobe to my shoulder.

"God, Bella, you feel so fucking good. Ungh…."

One of my hands moved from her ass to between her legs and I pressed two fingers against her clit.

"Oh god, _Seeeettthhh_," she moaned moving faster against my dick.

I took one of her nipples into my mouth and bit down with a bit of pressure, rubbing against her button of nerves faster.

"OH FUCK!!!!!!" she screamed tilting her head back. Her walls tightened around my cock and I couldn't take it. As her orgasm took her body over, her pussy put a vice grip around my dick I exploded into her, screaming out her name and various obscenities.

We stayed there, with me buried deep inside of her warmth until our breaths had slowed and both of our releases had finished.

She rolled off of me, lying on her back on her side of the bed. She reached for my hand squeezing it gently. I pulsed my hand around hers and looked over at her.

Bella post-coital was nothing short of radiant. Sweat had made her long bangs cling to her forehead and her skin was flushed from the heat and activities. She looked over at me grinning devilishly.

"We should go brush our teeth. Will you be up for round two by the time we're done?"

I chuckled and rolled over onto my side, burying my face in her neck and attaching my teeth to her skin, pulling gently before releasing it with a light sucking sound. "Sooner than that love."

----

Four hours later, Bella and I were panting as we tried catching our breaths over the latest bedroom, or rather out of bedroom, tryst. She had wanted to try a karma sutra position called the 'suspended congress' and so we had – against the wall in her living room. We were both sweating and smelled of sex. Her legs slid down the wall as my arms loosened their hold on her ass and thighs. Her naked body pressed against mine tightly.

"That was… wow," she said, breathing heavily into my chest.

"Yeah," I said swallowing, still trying to catch my breath. "We _definitely_ need to do that one again, possibly against every wall in this apartment and mine."

I felt her smile and she laid an open mouthed kiss on my chest.

We had spent the past four hours – including necessary "rest time" – having sex in nearly every position either of us thought of and in ever room in the house, including the kitchen. I had never realized that her island in the middle of that room was perfect for bending her over.

Bella pulled away from me slowly, taking my hand in hers and walking back down the hall.

"Bells, I don't know how much more me or the guy downstairs can take. Plus isn't it getting a little late? What time is it?"

"Oh, I know. I just thought since we both have to shower, once more couldn't hurt." She replied, turning to wink at me with one of her chocolate brown eyes.

I didn't want to argue, but I still had to go home, get dressed, pick her up and make sure we were both there early enough so that I could talk to my boss before everything started.

I voiced my time constraint concerns to her and she turned to face me, biting her lip in thought.

"Well, how about I just meet you there? That way you don't have to pick me up which shaves off a good 20 minutes at least and you can meet with your boss without me hanging around. I'll just take a cab over and then we can ride home together afterwards."

My girl was fucking brilliant.

I smirked. "I knew I loved you for more than just your amazing body."

She giggled softly, and pulled my hand nodding towards the bathroom. "Come on Romeo. Show me again how much you love me."

-----

BPOV

I was in a better mood than I had been in, in ages. I had finally allowed myself to take some crazy-Bella time to sort out the dream. And realized that ok, yes, maybe I _had_ wanted to pounce on Edward when I saw him that day at Alice's store. But that was because I had always been attracted to Edward. Edward was an _attractive_ man. The point was that I felt nothing else in the realm of positive feelings towards him. The only redeeming quality he had left in my eyes was his looks. Realizing all of this had put me in a fantastic mood the last week, and had made me feel like I was back to my old self.

After spending the majority of the day naked with an equally naked Seth I was ready to handle anything, including seeing Alice.

Seth had left around 3 to go back to his place to get ready and head over to the hotel to meet with his team before everything got underway. And now I was scurrying around my room trying to find sweats to throw on so I could dash down to Alice's to get the dress, apologize and hopefully be all ready to go by 6.

I finally found a pair of yoga pants and a white t-shirt. I threw my hair up into a high ponytail and dashed out, barely sliding on my flip flops in the process. I made it downtown in record time; unfortunately it took me nearly half an hour to find parking.

I jogged from my car over to Alice's store and swung the door open. There were a couple of women browsing the racks and Alice was assisting one of them. I walked closer to her and she looked up, smiling apologetically and holding up 1 finger for me to wait a sec.

I nodded and walked over to the far left wall, looking at shoes and clutches that she had for sale.

I picked up a silver clutch that I thought would go great with the dress and walked up to the register to pay. Alice was ringing up an item for the woman she had been talking to when I walked in and quickly processed her credit card payment before giving her a card with the receipt stapled to it.

As soon as the woman had left the store Alice ran around the desk and wrapped her arms around me.

"Bella! Oh Bella, I'm so sorry! If I had even _thought_ that things would have happened as they did I wouldn't have listened to Edward and I would have told you the night before – I swear! Please, please forgive me! Pretty please? Cherry on top and that clutch in a bag?" She was groveling and it was both totally un-Alice like and unnecessary.

I laughed and her face fell.

"Alice, seriously? I was coming over here to apologize to _you_. I should have known immediately that it wasn't your decision to hide it from me. I totally get that Edward asked you to not say anything. There's abso-freaking-lutely nothing to apologize for. We're good. We're fantastic."

"We're made up and now we can be wifeys again!" she exclaimed happily.

I laughed and nodded, wrapping her up in a hug.

"Ahem," a woman standing behind me announced, clearing her throat.

Alice pulled away, glaring at her."Can't you see we're having a moment?"

"Yes, well, I'm a customer."

"And I'm the designer, big whoop. Now we know our roles in this so please give me 5 minutes with my friend here."

The woman huffed, completely appalled at Alice's response and walked out of the shop, her high heels clapping loudly.

"Alice… that was a customer."

She turned to look at me, shaking her head. "Only in theory; she wasn't going to buy anything, she was only here to buy the dress, wear it once and return it. I have no time to deal with customers like that."

She took a deep breath and turned back to me. "So! Someone has a party to get all prettified for. Give me 10 minutes and I'll close up, then we can head over to your house and I can do my_ thang_."

I laughed at her excitement. God, I had missed her.

-----

Thanks to Alice and her superbly fast hair and makeup skills I was ready to head over to Seth's party just after 6. She had done my makeup very natural using a little foundation, mascara and lip-gloss that had a berry tiny.

While I threw my money, ID, keys and cellphone into the silver clutch from Alice's store, she had called a cab company to pick me up so that I wouldn't be late for Seth's party.

EPOV

I had taken to spending my free "weekends" up with Esme and Carlisle in Forks. Whether it was a Tuesday-Thursday or Friday-Sunday I would drive up there and lounge around, usually playing the piano in the open music room that we had on the second floor, or following Esme around like a personal assistant helping her carry fabric swatches or tiles for her latest renovation project.

It was Saturday morning and I was helping Esme carry bags upon bags full of heavy fabrics. She was in the process of redecorating the home on the island Carlisle had bought for her decades ago. For the past few years it had maintained a southwestern theme, but she was growing bored of the bright oranges and greens and was redesigning it with a calm and peaceful color palette of various shades of white.

"So have you and Alice made up yet, Edward?" Esme asked as we drove home from the fabric store.

I nodded. "Yea, she saw the photo I left for her and that seemed to cheer her up. Plus she mentioned that she had seen a vision of Bella going to visit her to make amends. I think she was more worried about never seeing Bella again than anything."

Esme turned and smiled at me. "I hope Alice brings her by soon. She wasn't the only one that's missed Bella. I bet she grew into a beautiful young woman. How did she look when you saw her?"

I tightened my grip on the wheel. "Um, she looked fine mom. I dunno, we didn't really sit down and catch up."

"Does she still look the same?"

Sighing I shook my head, "no."

"No?" Esme repeated sounding confused.

"She looks even more beautiful than the last time we saw her."

----

"Curtains?"

"Check."

"Fitted sheets for all three beds?"

"Check."

"Duvet Covers and pillow cases for all the beds?"

"Check."

Esme and I were verifying that everything she needed to redecorate the island had been purchased and was ready to be shipped to the island where Esme and Carlisle would meet the packages and spend a few weeks away on vacation.

I felt my pager vibrate and I set down the clipboard with the list of items, pulling the device from my hip.

"It's the hospital, I'll be right back." I informed Esme as she nodded, recounting the bath and hand towels that were in a pile on the sofa.

I walked around to the formal dining room and called the hospital on my cell.

"St. Mary's this is Lynn," the nurse's voice answered.

"Lynn, its Edward Cullen. I was paged?"

"Oh hi Dr. Cullen; yes, sorry for bothering on your day off but Dr. Ronan's wife went into labor a few hours ago so he won't be able to come in this afternoon. Is there any way you could come in for his 3-3 shift?"

I looked over at the clock hanging on the wall above the fireplace. It was just past 11. If I wanted to run home to grab some things before going to the hospital I would have to leave now.

"Yea Lynn, I'll see you soon."

----

SPOV

I was cursing my company under my breath as I walked in, frustrated that I couldn't have spent the remainder of the day with Bella continuing our morning and afternoon escapades.

My quick meeting with my boss before the party had gone even faster than I had anticipated and I contemplated driving back and picking Bella up. It was just after 6 and knowing her she would be leaving her house right about now, so we would completely miss one another. I decided to go get a drink and wait by the bar for her instead.

I had spent about half an hour making small talk with a few co-workers about the party and how big of a turn out it was becoming. Twenty minutes into the start and nearly 100 people had already arrived; so much for showing up fashionably late.

I kept rudely peeking above everyone's head to see if I could catch a glimpse of Bells.

I felt a strong hand tap my shoulder and I spun around. It was my boss, Mr. Chambers.

"Well, look who I found peeking around like a stealth spy," he chuckled motioning to his side where Bella stood looking absolutely gorgeous in a strapless navy blue dress. My breath hitched for a moment and all I could do was stare at her. "Bells, you… wow."

I heard my boss's laughter as he patted my back. "Over two years, and still wowed every time she walks into a room? Young love is amazing…" he said more to himself than to us, I think.

I didn't tear my eyes away from Bella. "Yes sir, it sure is. Especially when it's with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with." I heard myself say.

_Holy shit. What the fuck just came out of my mouth?!_

I heard him chuckle again and pat my back a couple more times in finality. "Well then, just make sure I'm invited to the nuptials," he answered turning to Bella.

"Always a pleasure seeing you Bella," he said placing a soft kiss on the top of her hand. She smiled and nodded. "You too Mr. Chambers."

He waived his hand dismissively. "Goodness gracious, how many times have I told you _and_ Seth, please call me Kevin."

She nodded, smiling again. "Alright then; it was good seeing you again as well _Kevin_." He grinned triumphantly and stepped aside starting up a conversation with the CFO who was doing tequila shots at the bar.

I hadn't taken my eyes off her since he had brought her over. Yeah the comment I made earlier today about there being nothing more beautiful than her on top of me naked first thing in the morning? Completely out the window. The vision of her in my head right now, of Bella in a wedding dress walking down an aisle to _me_ was Bella at the most beautiful I'd ever seen her.

I hadn't even realized my head had gone there with her officially, but now it was all I could think about and see in my head. My Bella. Bella Swan. Mrs. Bella Clearwater.

I fucking loved how that sounded.

----

BPOV

Seth's company had outdone itself. The evening was amazing. Seth's speech about the direction the company would be taking with this launch and how it would benefit both their organization as well as their client's went swimmingly. He was so comfortable talking in front of people, completely okay with shining in the spotlight when need be.

And he looked amazing from my view.

We had spent the evening mingling with his coworkers. He jokingly introduced me to a few colleagues as "his long term arm candy," And had made an offhand remark to his boss about spending the rest of his life with me.

Later in the evening he had begged me to dance to which I had complied, since he had been so amazing earlier and I was hoping for a part two later this evening.

Seth was holding me tightly, whispering in my ear how beautiful I looked and how lucky he was to have me. I kissed his neck softly.

"I don't mean to be a buzz kill but if I don't get you home and rip that dress off of you soon, I fear my boss will catch us in a very compromising position in the coat room," he murmured.

I blushed at the thought of his boss walking in on us doing something that mirrored our morning activities, and nodded.

"I was ready like 10 minutes ago."

He pulled his face from my hair and looked at me smiling that sweet, loving smile that radiated happiness. Not waiting for the song to finish he took my hand in his and led me off the dance floor and to the stairs that led to the exit.

He was racing up the stairs like a high school boy at prom about to take his date to a hotel room for a post-prom fuck. I laughed at his enthusiasm and tried to sprint up the stairs as well. I was 5 steps from the top when the ball of my foot stepped on the front of my dress and I fell forward, crashing into the wooden stairs forcefully.

"Bella!" Seth yelled turning to see me face down on the steps. How fucking embarrassing.

He raced down to meet me, where a few other men had helped me to stand back up.

He looked at me wide-eyed, worried. "Bells, you ok?"

I tried taking a breath and sharp pains burst from my lungs.

"Ow, yeah. Um, do you mind if we make a quick stop to the hospital before I blow your mind in bed? It won't be as much fun if I fuck you 6 ways to Sunday screaming in pain instead of pleasure."

The other gentlemen who had helped me stand up looked down and away, trying to hide their grins.

Seth laughed at their discomfort and nodded, wrapping his arm around my shoulder delicately. "Course Bells, there's plenty of sex injuries we can give ourselves without you getting a head start on damaging yourself before the fun starts," he said making the men turn an even deeper shade of red.

"Come on let's go," he said as we walked slowly up the remaining steps and I continued to breath in short, shallow puffs.

-----

We arrived to the St. Mary's ER in record time. This was my first time at this hospital, since the one closest to my apartment was Seattle General. It was almost like a field trip, getting to see a new ER room for once.

We sat waiting for an available room for awhile. Seth was rubbing soothing circles into my shoulder blade with his thumb. It has been over half an hour and I stood up, my right arm still resting lightly over my torso. He stood too, confused.

"You okay?" He asked furrowing his brows.

I nodded. "Yeah, I just have to use the restroom. I think all those club sodas with lime are finally hitting me."

He relaxed and sat back down in the uncomfortable vinyl chair. "I'll wait out here for you, yea?"

I nodded and walked up to the nurse's station to ask where the restrooms were. She pointed and made a lot of hand signals but she spoke too fast and I was quickly lost for where to go. She asked if I understood and I nodded; I would find it eventually.

She buzzed me through the ER room doors and I walked down the hall, following the first few directions she had given that I had remembered. Then I just started roaming around, finally coming to the end of a dead-end hallway where there was a wheel-chair accessible bathroom sign hanging jutting from the wall.

I pressed down on the door handle opening it cautiously and gasped.

-----

EPOV

I hadn't been able to shake Bella from my mind the entire drive back to the city. Ever since I had seen her I had been able to only think of her. My visits back home were partially for their benefit, but mostly my own. I could drown in memories in Forks. I could torture myself with "might have/should have/could have been".

So being at the hospital I wasn't entirely sure what the fuck I was doing on the quick break I had been given to grab some food.

I had seen Lauren for months; fought off her skanky advances for months. But when I saw her today, I realized she and Bella looked so similar now. Lauren had dyed her hair from the toe-head blond color it had been in high school to a dark brown, and her eyes were honey; the color I'd imagined Bella and I's children would have if the child had been conceived when I was a vampire; somewhere between my topaz and Bella's dark chocolate brown. And if I couldn't have Bella I would settle for fucking Lauren who had creepily begun to _look_ like Bella.

So when Lauren's hand grabbed mine and she smirked tilting her head to the vacant bathroom at the end of the hall that hardly anyone used, I didn't protest. I didn't pull away and give her my condescending speech about coworkers sleeping together, even if they had known each other way back when. I didn't yank my hand away and run in the opposite direction. Instead I followed.

"I thought you might like my darker hair," Lauren purred into my ear as she shut the door behind us. So the color was new? That made me feel marginally better about my sudden awkward attraction to her.

My heart was beating a million miles a minute. Was I _really_ going to do this? Could I really fuck Bella out of my system through a replacement? I had to at least try; I mean Bella had moved on. It was about fucking time I did too. And Lauren and I had some kind of history together, granted moreso of the -repulsed by her existence- variety, but history nonetheless.

So I ignored all the red flags, warning lights and neon signs in my head telling me to stop and I pushed her roughly against the tile wall across from the sink.

"Mmm.. Eddie."

"Don't, call me Eddie; it's _Edward_."

"Formal. Kinky. I like it, _Edward,_" she said with a wink.

The way she said my name almost made me want to ask her to call me Eddie again, it sounded so vile. But I didn't. Instead let my hands roam over her body forcefully, palming her breasts and pinching them over her nurse's uniform. She moaned into my mouth and tugged on my hair, moving her lips down to my neck where she bit down so hard, I thought she might have pinched a nerve in my neck. I groaned more in pain than pleasure as I pulled away.

"Take off your pants, _now_." I commanded. I had to be quick so I could get back to work.

Lauren was panting heavily as she smirked and dropped her pants and underwear quickly.

"Fuck me _Edward_. Fuck me like you've wanted to since high school." Her honey eyes were piercing into mine and I dropped my pants quickly pressing myself against her hot core. At least Edward Jr. didn't know the difference between women; he was set and ready to pounce.

I almost laughed at her statement. She had _honestly_ believed I wanted to fuck her all those years ago? I almost stopped even though my pants were already gone; this girl was obviously delusional.

But I didn't. I couldn't. She was my ticket to fucking Bella out of my system and moving on once and for all.

I buried my face in her neck and inhaled her scent; nothing like Bella's. She smelled like chemically engineered perfume; nothing natural about it. I choked back a cough as I slammed myself into her. Her hands were everywhere; in my hair, digging into my back with her fake nails. I kept thrusting, shutting my eyes so I could better picture Bella. I pictured taking her in the dressing room when I had seen her nearly a month ago. I tightened my grip on Lauren's hips and drilled into her harder.

She was moaning loudly, screaming my name but I didn't care. Her voice was harsh and nasally. But I couldn't stop. I kept thrusting into her, trying to picture my Bella.

I was so close; so close to fucking spilling into the Bella in my head. My eyes were shut so tight I was giving myself a headache, but that didn't matter because right now, with my eyes shut, I could picture that it was Bella against me and not her replacement. So when I heard the door creek open and a female voice gasp, I ignored it.

"Edward?"

Fuck, I could never ignore that voice.

My head shot up from my spot hidden in the crook of Lauren's neck. My eyes opened and my head turned to look at the doorway where Bella stood.


	9. Chapter 8

Holy crap batman! 2 updates in 1 day with one being ridiculously long?

Yes, I'm spoiling you my lovlies, because I have exams coming up this next week so I'll probably be MIA til Wednesday at least.

SMeyer owns. But theotherbella owns all the awards in awesomeness for fanfic. You all should read her store _**Those Eyes**_. Seriously, you'll get addicted to it like crack; I swear.

Love you all and as always comments/reviews are love and motivate me to get chapters up faster.

* * *

EPOV

I abruptly stopped moving against Lauren.

_Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck._

I was staring right at my Bella and her eyes were wide and glassy.

Was she about the cry? Did I make her cry _again_?

I am a bigger fucking monster now than I was when I was a vampire. At least the first time I made her cry it was for selfless reasons; it was to keep her safe.

Fuck, now those tears would be because I was a fucking selfish asshole who never could do the right thing when it came to her. I hadn't run to her when I left Volterra with my green fucking eyes and warm skin. I hadn't run to her once in the 4 years since then either.

_Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck._

"Bella… I…" I wasn't sure how to finish that sentence as I untangled myself from Lauren who was frozen in embarrassment and tugging her shirt down to cover up her lady bits.

"Sorry for interrupting, I just really had to use the bathroom," she said shaking her head and biting her lip softly.

And just like that she closed the door and was gone.

------

BPOV

_Oh my god. Oh my god. What the fuck was that? Seriously? Edward and Lauren? _

I shook my head as I walked back out to the waiting room and sat gingerly beside Seth.

"Everything ok Bells? You look like you saw a ghost."

He knew me too fucking well. _Yes I saw a ghost – of Christmas fucking past_.

I shook my head and laughed. "No, I just walked in on Edward fucking some nurse."

He looked at me shocked and then busted out laughing. "What?! No kidding!" He was laughing so hard he was wheezing. _I_ didn't think it was funny. In fact, I was pretty sure it scarred me for life.

H calmed down just as my name was called by a nurse with short red hair.

We followed her to a vacant room with two beds and a sheet that divided the room into two sections.

After we had waited in the main room forever, I was pleasantly surprised when a male nurse came in not 10 minutes later to check me out. He checked my blood pressure, temperature, and pulse before asking me what happened. I explained how I had managed to fall _up_ the stairs and how I was pretty sure I had cracked a rib or two based on prior injury experiences. He nodded and said the doctor would be in shortly.

I looked at Seth and grabbed his hand, squeezing it. He looked over at me and yawned.

"What a day Bells, huh?"

"You could say that again."

"But aside from right now, it was pretty good right?"

I nodded, "definitely one for the books."

There was a knock on the door and of _course_ Edward was the doctor on call for the night.

Fucking-A.

Seth's hand squeezed mine, and I glanced over at him smiling.

"Ah, erm. Bella…" Edward's voice seemed strained as he glanced from me to Seth down to my chart.

I smiled as sweetly as I could and I took a peek at Seth through my peripheral vision who was biting his cheek in an attempt not to laugh.

"Edward, this is my boyfriend Seth Clearwater. I think you guys may have met a while ago."

Seth stuck out his free hand and Edward shook it, nodding in his direction. "Pleasure to see you again Seth. Glad someone is taking care of Bella when she can't."

"_Excuse me?"_ I spat. Edward looked at me taken aback at my tone.

"All I meant was that I'm glad there is someone to take care of you. Jesus Bella, calm down."

"I can take care of my _fucking_ self thankyouverymuch."

"Right…" Edward said under his breath.

My jaw clenched. And I looked over at Seth. "Seth will you give Edward and I sec? I need to rip him a new asshole."

Seth looked at me with an open mouth before hesitantly speaking. "Bells, you sure? I mean… I could just turn around or something. Cover my ears?"

I sighed. He was nervous about me and Edward being alone together. It clicked, I got it. I wasn't a _complete_ idiot. I nodded.

"You know, never mind." I looked to Edward and then back to Seth. "It doesn't even matter."

He seemed to relax again and sat back into his chair.

Edward cleared his throat. "So now that you're done being a drama queen, can I get to the exam part?"

Drama queen? What the fuck was his problem? "Do you normally insult your patients?" I snapped at him.

"Only ones I know personally," he said with a wink. _He fucking winked at me_. _What the fuck kind of bi-polar shit was that_?

"Oh and the staff you know personally you _fuck_. Gotcha," I said as if everything suddenly clicked and made perfect sense.

I had completely forgotten that Seth was sitting right there trying to hold in his laughter. After my comment he completely lost it, laughing hysterically again.

And that's when I saw it. Edward fucking _blushed_. And fuck me if that didn't make me want to jump him and see what other areas of his body I could make blush.

_What the fuck_.

I was sitting right next to my boyfriend, my hand in his fucking hand, and I was thinking about ripping everything off Edward and going to town.

_Definitely not good_.

This was only made worse by the sound of Seth's phone ringing. He pulled it from his pocket and frowned.

"Bells its Leah. I gotta take it. I'll be 2 seconds ok?"

I smiled and nodded. "Of course, I'll see you in a minute."

He stood up and bent down to kiss my lips softly before jogging out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Edward was glaring at me, at my lips and licking his own. _What the fuck was his problem_.

"So, doc, can we get to the part where you actually do your job?"

He cleared his throat, snapping out of whatever daze he was in and nodded.

"Of course," he replied, tossing me a dressing gown. "I'll need you to get out of your dress, so that I can examine your ribcage area."

"Can't I just unzip this dress to my waist and we can go from there? It's such an ordeal to get out of this thing, and I might fall again if I attempt it," I said with a soft chuckle. It was true; trying to get out of it the first time at Alice's I had stumbled around trying to get out of it. In a room full of medical equipment I was sure to knock something over.

He nodded, "if you'd prefer, that we can do that instead."

I smiled softly up at him in thanks, and for a split second I swore he softened. It was me and Edward of days gone by; not who we were now. It was the always nurturing Edward and the always grateful Bella. I shook my head out of the memory as I felt him move behind me and slowly unzip my dress a few inches. I carefully shimmied the top part of the dress down to my waist and he stepped back around, pulling up a short stool, sitting to my left.

I wasn't wearing a bra, and it hit me like a ton of bricks – Edward had never seen this much of me before. I blushed a little but tried to remember he had moved on _with Lauren_ and was a professional, one boob looked the same as the next.

"I'm just going to check your heart really quick, you know, basic protocol and all," he informed me as he pulled out his stethoscope.

I swallowed hard and nodded. "Okay." Was that my voice that was so timid? What the hell?

He grinned that half fucking smile and I felt my heart speed up. "This is going to be a little cold," he replied as he blew hot air onto the metal plate.

I laughed a little at the situation and he looked from his medical device directly into my eyes and laughed a little too.

He pressed the stethoscope to the top of my left breast and listened, moving it to other places on my chest. Each time he moved I felt my heart speed up as if it missed the fraction of a second contact that was lost when he switched places.

"Seems a little fast, but nothing out of the ordinary," he replied with a grin as he pulled the earplugs out.

I smirked, "like you couldn't have hypothesized that already? Hasn't my heart always done that around you?"

His face fell, "times change Bella. People change."

Oh right, _Lauren_.

"Oh right, I just meant…" what the fuck did I mean?

He looked up, smiling weakly. "I know. And if you felt my heart it would be beating the same."

That's right; he had a heartbeat - one that I could listen to if I laid on him. _Fuck_.

I blushed a little and looked down.

Sensing my awkwardness, he cleared his throat again. "But anyway… so your ribs again, huh?"

I looked back at him and nodded. "Afraid so; I think I should get an honorary doctorate in medicine for as much time as I've spent in hospitals; I can diagnose myself now."

He chuckled and nodded, "I agree. I'll submit a letter to the medical school I attended to see if they can swing it. I'm sure Carlisle would happily write a letter of support."

I smiled. "How is he? And Esme? And everyone else? I miss them."

He shrugged. "They're the same – obviously. Rosalie and Emmett are off doing their own thing up in Alaska now; they have been for almost a year. Carlisle and Esme are back in Forks, temporarily. They want to stay there for at least a few more years."

"Tell them I say hello, the next time you speak with them."

"I will."

He was looking at me with that damn soft smile again, and all I wanted to do was kiss it off him.

I coughed and winced. That seemed to startle him and he looked down at my bare upper torso and I saw his Adam's apple bob up and down as he gulped.

"Right so, again. My hands might be a little cold, but let me know if any areas are particularly tender."

I smirked, "you have to give that as a disclaimer now? I thought it was always assumed you hands were cold."

He laughed heartily. "Well, it's a habit – giving the disclaimer."

His fingers skimmed over my pale skin. He was cool, but not as cold as I remember; no where near the icy burn his touch used to feel like. I sucked in a breath as he pressed into an area that shot needles of pain through my chest. "Ow," I whispered. He looked up at me apologetically.

"Sorry."

"It's ok."

And it felt like in that moment maybe he was apologizing for more than just pressing too hard into a sensitive spot.

Then again when it came to Edward, every part of me was a sensitive spot.

EPOV

His lips had been on her lips. The lips that I spent weeks persuading myself not to kiss when we were 17. And when I finally gave in, I never wanted anyone else to feel them.

And now he felt them, and tasted them, and enjoyed them. They were his now, and I couldn't fucking stand the jealousy that pulsed through me as I saw her smile under the kiss.

And when I apologized for eliciting pain in her ribcage area, I hoped she heard the apology that went unsaid; that was tied into that single 'sorry'. That I was sorry for everything; for leaving the first time, for not contacting her years later when I'd left Rome, for earlier with Lauren.

I was a fucking idiot to think that I could replace Bella with some quasi-look-alike. No one could ever replace Bella.

And when she winced, all I wanted to do was press my lips against that spot on her ribcage and kiss the pain away. To see if her skin tasted the same to me as a human, but I couldn't; she wasn't mine to kiss.

And I knew that I wasn't supposed to react at all to a patient. But this wasn't any patient, it was _Bella_ and her breasts were amazing and full and it took everything I had not to fasten my mouth to one of her nipples and fondle the other.

I gently applied pressure around her ribcage feeling for any breaks or cracks. She winced again just below the first place she had expressed discomfort and I pulled away, sighing and trying to look anywhere but at her exposed skin.

"It looks like you cracked a few ribs."

"Thank you captain obvious; that's what I told your nurse who saw me before you," she quipped back smirking.

"Honorary doctorate in medicine it is."

She nodded firmly in agreement. "Though I think you missed one rib to check," she announced.

"Oh really?" My brows knit together as I thought about where I had examined.

She took my hand in hers, sliding it just below the underside of her breast, to the very top rib. My breath hitched. I could easily brush against her breast and apologize for going too high. Instead I did the professional thing, and slide my fingers across it, looking up at her eyes to try and detect any discomfort.

"Any pain?"

She shook her head, replying breathlessly. "No…"

My hand moved from her torso to the side of her face and I reached up resting my forehead against hers.

And I wanted to be enough. I wanted to be able to protect her the way I could have when I was immortal, but show her my love as a human; but we could never have the best of both worlds. I closed my eyes and exhaled through my nose loudly, whispering.

"Bella… This isn't okay. I can't protect you like I could before."

BPOV

Why was he doing this? Why did he _keep_ doing this?

And his lips were hovering over mine and my breath was heavy and labored and all I wanted to do was close that gap, but I couldn't. I couldn't fucking do that to Seth. And as his head rested against my forehead I whispered, "I know Edward. But I'm not you're to save anymore."

And I'm not sure if the whimper was me, him or both of us.

But I'm pretty sure it was only my heart that broke.


	10. Chapter 9

Ahh! I was overwhelmed from the responses to the last Chapter. Thank you lovelies :)

Okay, so honestly I had a REALLY hard time writing this chapter, because the last one ended on such a sad note. So this chapter sets up for a new round of awesome cliffies and angst and oomph.

It's short. It's sweet. It's got 4 POVs. So check yourself, before you wreck yourself...

Blah blah blah... SMeyer owns all things good and right including these characters... blah blah blah

* * *

EPOV

I hadn't kissed her. I had practically felt myself doing it, but I couldn't. I had already made a mess of her life once; I couldn't do it again.

So I gave her an out. I admitted that I was weak; that I could never protect her the way I had once been able to. And she took it, without the slightest hesitation.

I collapsed onto my sofa that night and unsuccessfully tried to sleep. I was too wrapped up in Bella. In her laugh, her eyes, her skin, her smell. I fought with myself until sunrise, trying to convince myself that I did the right thing, but all I felt was hollow.

There had been no difference in how it felt letting her go the first time compared to now.

Heart break felt the same whether I was human or not.

BPOV

All I would have had to say was, "but I want you to be that person," and it would have been over. He would have closed the distance and I would know what it felt like to feel his_ warm_ lips kiss mine.

He had always been my knight in shining armor. And I had always been his perpetual damsel in distress.

But I wasn't the same Bella; I could save myself now.

And he wasn't the same Edward. And new Edward hated the Bella that didn't _need_ him anymore.

And new Bella hated that he fucked girls like Lauren in dirty bathrooms while at work.

Ok, maybe new Bella just hated that he fucked girls like Lauren _period_.

The new Bella and Edward were polar opposites from their version 1.0 selves.

So I had told him what Bella 2.0 believed to be the truth. And Edward 2.0 pulled away, just like she knew he would.

Because the Bella and Edward models would always have that connection; no matter what versions they evolved into.

-----

The following week had been fairly uneventful. Seth was making plans with Leah, who had just given birth to her first child, a little girl named Sarah. We were planning to go spend Labor Day weekend up there to catch up with everyone.

It didn't slip my mind that there was a good chance I'd see a Cullen while home – especially if I injured myself and had to go to Forks Hospital.

Thoughts of Edward came & went. There were no crazy mood swings like the first time I'd seen him at Alice's shop, and I'd managed to escape dreaming of him entirely.

This was Bella Swan moving on – again.

------

I was on my way home from spending a rare day in the office and was completely exhausted. I was driving around town debating what to do with the rest of my afternoon.

I picked up my phone, dialing Seth's office line. On the 2nd ring he picked up.

"Hey Bells," he answered sounding incredibly busy as his keyboard clicked away.

"Hey, I'm on my way home from the office and was wondering if maybe you wanted some company tonight?"

"Duh Bella; if you couldn't tell, I kind of love having you around. Did you want me to pick up dinner?"

"Nah, I was thinking I could pick up takeout from the new Chinese place near my apartment, if that sounds ok?"

"Yep, sounds good. Meet you at my place in…" his voice trailed off as he typed furiously, "about an hour?"

"Ok, see you then. Love you."

"Love you too Bells."

SPOV

I was going to ask Bella to marry me. I wasn't sure when, or how, but I was going to do it.

I had bought the ring this afternoon.

It was simple and beautiful just like her. A single 2 carat princess cut diamond on a white-gold band.

The night at the hospital was what made me 100% sure.

I had come back into the room after getting the great news from my brother-in-law Paul that my sister had delivered a beautiful baby girl.

When I stepped back into the room Edward was sitting at a table, writing out a prescription for painkillers and Bella was sitting on the bed scrolling through her Blackberry, not paying the slightest bit of attention to him.

She had looked up, hearing footsteps.

She stood and met me half way, wrapping her arms around my waist as she hugged me lightly, speaking into my chest. "I was right, cracked ribs. Told you we didn't need to come here. I can diagnosis myself now, I'm so good."

I laughed and felt her body move against mine.

She looked up at me with a look of pure contentment. "Guess you'll have to take care of me for a bit; be a little more delicate than this afternoon," she said with a smirk.

It was like Edward Cullen didn't even exist in that room and it was only her and I.

EPOV

Her final statement rang through my head loudly.

_But I'm not yours to save anymore._

_But I'm not yours to save anymore._

And even though I knew it was a stupid move, I took Lauren back to my apartment the next night when our shifts were over at 3am, and I fucked her in the car, in the stairwell, and on the couch in my apartment.

Every time I pictured it was Bella. And honestly, Lauren wasn't _that_ bad – or maybe I was just _that_ desperate to find a replacement Bella.

Sure, Lauren had the conversations skills of someone with the IQ of a corpse, and you couldn't really talk to her about anything other than shopping, pop music or movies. But consumerism, music and film are all great topics.

Usually.

And frankly, over the next week, she and I didn't do much talking. Unless "talking" is a euphemism for having mediocre sex with an average girl while fantasizing that it's your ex that you'll never have again. If that's the case, yes we did _a lot_ of "talking".

"You _have_ to come up! I'm already planning a party! It's supposed to be sunny and we're far enough out of the way to where we can actually _enjoy_ it. Oh wait; _you_ don't have that problem anymore. Hahahah…" Alice's voice giggled into my answering machine as I stumbled around my apartment, alone for the first time in nearly a week.

"Anyway, it's not like you have a choice – just do it. I e-mailed you directions to the house. You can stay in the guest cottage we have on the property. Rose and Emmett are staying with mom & dad."

I hit delete and Alice's voice popped up again.

"I know you probably deleted my last message. But this trip will be _awesome_. Plus, Bella said she'd be up here for a few days and would try and stop by to see everyone. See, now you _have_ to come. No choice big brother."

My body froze. Why was she going to home? Had something happened to Charlie? Was it to visit Seth's family? Did she visit often? Would Seth go with her to visit _my_ family?

I plopped down onto the sofa and sighed. Bella made it perfectly clear she didn't need or want me around anymore. I groaned and shut my eyes; images of Bella laughing and smiling in our meadow on a rare sunny day in Forks flooded my mind.

I would not be going up that weekend.

-----

It was the tail end of summer and with it came extremely long heat waves. Alice and Jasper, well mostly Alice, were excitedly planning the family weekend at their new "summer home" outside of Forks. The house had an in-ground pool, tons of surrounding grassy area and a cottage that was a good distance from the main house. Of course their back yard faced the gateway to a forest bustling with deer, rabbits and a rare bear.

After being harassed by Alice for what seemed like weeks, I had decided to join everyone for the holiday weekend away. Bella would certainly not get in the way of me spending time with my family and I briefly thought to bring Lauren, but the idea was quickly scrapped when I remembered that she didn't know about my family's secret.

Only Bella.

She seemed like the running answer to most things in my life. _Whom was I insanely in love with? Only Bella. Who would I give my soul for all over again? Only Bella. Who did I want to spend the rest of my life with? Only Bella._

I seriously needed help.

APOV

I couldn't _wait_ for Labor Day weekend. Jasper and I had arrived at the new property a few weeks early to get things organized. I was so excited for everyone, but mostly to witness the interaction between Bella and my brother.

They were meant to be. Everyone knew it, except them apparently.

Now, I like Seth. Hell I think he and Bella are _amazing_ together. But nothing in this world compares to how my brother looks at her, or visa versa.

When Edward had told me what had, and I quote, "kind-of-almost" happened and the fact he didn't go for it, I had ripped him a new one. He was an idiot; I was pretty sure he had gotten dumber when he changed back from vampire to human, but I couldn't really prove it. He had always had a distorted view of him and Bella.

Everyone saw only love. Edward only saw his inferiority and danger; Bella only saw her own inferiority and fragility. As far as I was concerned, they were both idiots.

Edward _finally_ confirmed that he was coming after all, the Wednesday before Labor Day Weekend.

I have to say, for a minute I thought my visions were malfunctioning, but all was restored once he left a voicemail saying that he had gotten someone to cover his shifts and he would see me the following night. He would be staying Thursday – Tuesday.

Perfect. Now all I had to do was pull off the best Cullen-Swan reunion BBQ ever and everything would go back to as it was.

Hopefully.


	11. Chapter 10

_OMG, seriously you guys are the best. The responses I got from the last chapter were the best ever._

_This chap is for my homegirl hottygurl7 who just rocks my socks._

_Again, last I checked S Meyer still owns everything and everyone._

_Remember reviews are love and lead me to updating sooner, since I know you care :)  
_

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BPOV

I had been so excited about a weekend home that I had decided to meet Seth up there and take off a day early. I missed Charlie and figured that if I got there a day sooner that he and I could hang out just us, which would be great for a few hours.

I wound up taking off Wednesday night. A quick 3 hour drive, made nearly 5 due to leaving at rush hour and a few accidents along the way. I swear, Washingtonians were so used to rain they didn't know how to drive in dry weather. I made it up there at half past nine and rang the doorbell, so I wouldn't freak him out by my early arrival.

His face was priceless as he opened the door. "Bella! You're here early… everything ok?"

Of course he would worry instead of just being happy about my surprise. It was typical Charlie, being his typical dad self.

I stepped into the house carrying a big duffle bag. "Yep everything's fine, I just wanted some quiet time, you know?" He nodded and grabbed my bag, setting it down at the staircase.

I gave him an awkward half hug; we still weren't comfortable showing affection even after getting closer as father/daughter over the past 8 years. He patted my shoulder as he moved back.

"I saw Dr. Cullen the other day…" he began looking over at me as if expecting me to finish his sentence. "…mentioned something about you going to a BBQ at Alice & Jasper's new place."

I nodded. "Yeah, they bought a house outside of Forks; I'm going to go over there to see everyone on Sunday."

"Dr. Cullen also mentioned that Edward's coming up – something about a family reunion of sorts."

Oh fuck. Edward was going to be there. _Of course you ninny, Edward is their relative_.

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Yeah dad, he _is_ Alice's brother."

"And, you're going to be ok?"

"Of course; dad, it's been years. I think I can handle seeing Edward for a few hours. I probably won't even talk to him much since everyone will be there."

"Hm, okay Bells if you say so."

He didn't sound like he believed me.

----------------

That night Charlie turned in early since he had to be at the station at 6am to pull a double shift and cover for a cop that was on vacation.

I had turned in not much later, flopping haphazardly onto my old bed. I laid awake just staring at the ceiling for hours, thinking of the memories this room held; the good, the bad, the in-between. At 2:30 on the dot I rolled out of bed and walked to my window that I still kept slightly ajar.

Even though I knew Edward wasn't a vampire anymore, I had hoped in the far back of my mind where teenage Bella (version 1.0) was safely tucked away, that I would look out the window and see him.

This, my life, his life… would have all been different if he had just come to my window 4 years ago.

But as I stared down at the patch of grass below, empty and Edward-less just like I had known would happen, I couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness that once again I had let him go too easily. I could have kissed him so effortlessly, and maybe I _should have_.

This is why I hated coming home. Home wasn't my apartment in Seattle, Forks or even Charlie's house; home was Edward.

----------------------

EPOV

I couldn't sleep at all knowing that I'd be spending at least 1 day with Bella, possibly with her in a bikini. My mind nor my body wouldn't let me get any kind of rest; so I took advantage of it and headed out to my sister's home at the ass crack of dawn on Thursday morning.

I got to Forks a little after 9 and out of habit, slowly drove by the Swan house. I always did it on my way to Esme and Carlisle's; it was habit. Also habit was holding my breath, hoping that I'd see her, or hell even Charlie – just to know that this was still where they lived.

My breath nearly stopped entirely when I looked at the front porch.

There was Bella, sitting in a pair of short purple and green boxer shorts that barely hit her mid-thigh and a purple wife beater, reading a book on the front steps. She looked up, probably from the sound of my car, and her brows furrowed in confusion. And then she bit her lower lip, and I swear to all things that are holy, it took every ounce of strength not to slam on my breaks, jump out of my car and fucking kiss her.

Instead, I stuck my hand out and waved like a fucking pussy.

This weekend, my hand would be very busy. Especially if that was my reaction to Bella fully clothed and only biting her lip.

As I drove further down the street I looked at my right hand and my crotch, shaking my head. "I'm apologizing now for overworking both of you on this trip."

BPOV

My mouth dropped as Edward and his fucking silver Volvo took off down the street. I was completely out of the way for him, even if he was going to Carlisle and Esme's before going to see Alice.

There weren't any words. Just… _none_. I had a million questions, but they were all for him and he was at least a mile away by now, if he drove anything like he used to.

I shook my head, as if clearing it from any Edward-related thoughts and picked up my cell.

I called Seth. I felt guilty, but I wasn't sure why.

---------------------

SPOV

Friday could not have gotten here soon enough. With Bells taking off a day early, she had completely destroyed my plan without even realizing it. I had been hoping to make up some excuse about wanting some alone time with the family before being filled with friends for 4 days. And instead of heading straight home to the res, I had planned to go talk to Charlie and do things right; ask him for his blessing to marry his daughter before popping the question. But of course, Bella went home early so now I needed to be more creative - or less polite.

So I stopped by the station on my way to meet Bella at her place. Charlie was sitting there looking bored as hell. How much crime could there really be if the population was under that of a Seattle city block?

His energy pepped right up as he saw me walk in. "Seth, hey there. Welcome home."

I made my way over to his desk and sat down, shaking his hand. "Charlie, it's great to see you. You're looking good; bored, but good," I replied with a chuckle.

He puffed out a laugh and nodded. "Well you know, a slow day is a good day around here. Lately I've had a lot of good days."

After a beat he tilted his head to the side. "Bells isn't here Seth, if you're waiting for her or something."

I shook my head quickly. "No, I mean, I know she's at home. But you're here… I came to see you," I said quickly. Jesus, just the start of this conversation was making me tongue tied.

He narrowed his eyes. "Everything ok? With you? With Bells? With you two?"

I swallowed and nodded. "More than good, sir."

"So then… what's going on?"

I fumbled with my hands, wringing them out and then cracking them and going back to fidgeting with them. "I um… crap; this is a lot harder than I thought."

Suddenly a huge smile spread on Charlie's face. "You want to marry Bells."

I let out a huge breath of air. "Is it that obvious?"

Charlie laughed more fully than I had ever heard before. "Son, you've never been nervous around me a day in your life. Not even when I threatened you with a gun if you ever hurt my little girl. And now you come to see me _at work_ while Bella's at home and you're sweating like its 100 degrees out and you just ran a marathon. I'd say it's pretty obvious."

I laughed, and immediately felt my heart rate slow down to a normal pace. "I wanted to get your permission first. I haven't asked her yet, but I want to… soon. I already bought the ring."

"Hm. Well I appreciate the respect you're giving me, but do you honestly think that Bella would say no if I didn't give my blessing?"

Was this him saying to back the hell away? "Um, no sir; I think Bella would say yes regardless."

He shrugged, "then I guess it doesn't really matter what I think, now does it?"

"It means something to me sir. Knowing that you think I'm good enough for your daughter."

"Honestly Seth, I like you. You're a great kid. Based on what I've seen, you treat Bells like a queen."

"But…?" I could hear it in his voice and had to know.

"You're not going to like it."

"I want to know sir."

He sighed heavily and crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back into his chair.

"But I don't think Bells will ever be _capable _of being in love with anyone but Edward."

I looked at him completely dumbfounded. "Can I ask why you think that sir?"

"Sure ya can; it's simple. She's a Swan; Swan's fall in love once and fall in love for life. Happened to everyone in my family; including myself. I'm still just as in love with Renee now as I was 30 years ago. When we fall in love, we do it _once_. And unfortunately for you, Edward was her _once_."

Well, fuck.

---------------------------

BPOV

Seth had come by the house late Friday night after stopping by the reservation to spend some quality time with his parents. He looked off; like something was bothering him but I couldn't put my finger on it.

We spent the evening curled up on the couch for a few hours watching a marathon of The Matrix Trilogy. He was lying behind me with his chest pressed firmly against my back.

"Hey Bells?" he whispered into my ear before placing a soft kiss on my neck. "Can we talk for a sec, about this weekend?"

I made a noise that sounded like a complacent groan and turned around to face him. I smiled as sweetly as I could, sensing that he was still upset, and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Sure, what's up? What's the plan?"

"Well I was thinking we could go visit Leah tomorrow, see the baby and all… but that I should stick around up there for a few days. Some of the guys invited me camping for the weekend – guys' weekend away or something. I think Paul just wants to get some sleep and drink some beer without Leah jumping down his throat."

My face fell. No Seth? I thought this was going to be _our_ vacation.

"I thought this was supposed to be our vacation, away from the city. Are you upset? Did I do something?"

His eyes widened and he shook his head, smiling as he kissed both my cheeks and my nose.

"No Bells. Everything's fine, I just had a weird conversation today and it kinda just left me feeling off point. We're fine. I just figured that since we had kinda made plans with everyone but had no alone time that it wouldn't really matter. I can stay if you want."

I shook my head, sighing. "No, it's ok. I just want to make sure we're ok. I mean, I bet Paul is going absolutely nuts with a newborn at home. He deserves a weekend with his buddies – fishing, drinking, and bitching about your women…" I said with a smirk.

"Bitch about you Bells? Never, you're fucking perfect."

I rolled my eyes. "Haha, hardly."

His lips grazed mine again and he whispered under the kiss, "seriously, you're absolutely perfect and you're all mine…"

Thank god Charlie was working until midnight; otherwise he may have walked in on Seth and me christening his couch.

-----------------------

I woke up the next morning and felt for Seth's body. When I felt cool sheets my eyes popped open as I saw his bare upper body bent over his duffle bag.

"Mmm... morning," I said sounding like I had cotton in my mouth.

His head turned in my direction and he grinned, whispering. "Morning."

I sat up, rubbing my eyes like a little kid. "What time is it?"

"A little after 6," he answered pulling a plain black t-shirt over his body.

"Why are you up so early? Are we meeting your sister for breakfast or something?"

"No, I got a text from Sam last night. The guys want to head out early today rather than later this afternoon. Something about more male bonding or some shit."

Um, what?

"What about Leah? I thought we were going to go see her and the baby today?"

"Well, I figured we could just have dinner with them on Monday night before we head back instead. That's ok right?"

I was still confused. The mixture of it being so early, barely having woken up, and the sudden change of plans was making me feel disoriented.

"Um, yeah, that's cool."

Seth zipped up his jeans and walked over, sitting beside me in bed. "I'm sorry Bells, I know you really wanted to hang out with them today, but I promise Monday night you're going to be fussing over that baby as if it were ours."

_Ours_. _He was indirectly talking about children we would someday have. He wanted to have children with me someday._

He sensed my body tense up and he took my hand in his. "Bells I didn't mean the kids we would have _right now_."

"Obviously," I said laughing quietly. "Otherwise I look damn good for being so pregnant."

He smirked and leaned in to me, planting a chaste kiss on my lips. "I'll see you Monday afternoon, ok?"

I nodded. "Sounds good. Have fun, say hi to the guys for me."

"Will do – except for Jacob; if he hears that you said hello he make spin that to mean that you want to kiss him, like when we were kids."

I laughed and rolled my eyes.

"Love you Bells," he replied as he stood in my doorway, bag slung over his right shoulder.

"Love you too."

----------------------------

EPOV

I had spent the better part of Friday at my parent's house. Carlisle was surprised to see me and Esme seemed thrilled. Neither of them had expected to see me until everyone was at Alice's for the BBQ.

We didn't really do much; Carlisle went to work and I helped Esme do some food prep for the weekend. At around 3, I left to head over the Alice and Jasper's and took a couple loads of food with me, care of Esme.

------------------------------

I pulled up to Alice's and Jasper was waiting in the driveway grinning from ear to ear.

"FYI – Alice is annoyed that you brought food."

I shrugged. "Wasn't my fault, mom made it then made me take it over."

"I'm just saying, be prepared."

He grabbed the groceries and had them on the kitchen counter ready to be put away before I had even gotten through the door with my weekend bag.

Sometimes, I really missed the speed that came with being a vampire. But don't tell anyone.

Jasper had really pulled out all the stops, as Alice wasn't nearly as bitchy as I had anticipated. He must have tired himself off sending her waves of calm. She shook her finger a lot and waved her hands around but other than that it wasn't so bad.

She huffed and fell backwards into the living room sofa. "I guess maybe it's not_ so_ bad. I mean you and Bella are going to have a ton to eat while here, and you can take stuff home."

I sat beside her and nodded. "And it's not like I have anything in my fridge anyway; I could probably use a week or two's worth of food."

-----------------

The rest of the evening was shockingly boring. Alice and Jasper left to go hunt, which meant I was left on my own to entertain myself.

Of course, this meant that I spent the entire night thinking of Bella; more specifically, what was Bella doing, was she with Seth and could she be using Seth the way I had been using Lauren – as nothing more than a placeholder?

She wasn't, it was obvious in how long they had been together. I just couldn't help but hope that she was; that the past few years she had been with him she had been trying to feel something for him, forcing herself to want to love him. God, I was such an egotistical asshole.

Bella could fucking fall in love again, it wasn't impossible. I tossed and turned in the bed I was attempting to sleep in at the cottage on Alice & Jasper's property, a couple football fields away from the main house.

Ugh, I hated coming back here knowing that _she_ was only a few miles away.

---------------------------------------

BPOV

"Alice, I changed my mind. I'm just gonna stay here with Charlie for the weekend," I sighed into my cell phone as I made the turn onto the main highway towards Port Angeles.

"Noooooo Bella," Alice whined. "Why? Come on, you promised. You said you wanted to see everyone. It's going to be _so_ fun, you _have _to come!"

"Al, seriously, there's no point. Seth isn't going to be there. Edward is – which, by the way thank you for telling me about him coming – and it's just going to be _too_ weird."

"Why will it be weird? Both you and Edward have moved on. You have Seth, he has Lauren. There should be no weirdness."

I couldn't help the way my heart stopped beating for a moment when she confirmed what I had been ignoring. Lauren wasn't just some stupid fuck, she was his girlfriend; they were something _real_. I almost wanted to pull over and vomit.

"I know… I just… I want to avoid drama."

"There won't be any drama Bella, I swear. You'll hardly even notice Edward."

"Alice, don't give me that. You know how it is between Edward and I…"

I could practically hear her smirk, "No Bella, how _is it_…?"

"Ugh. Alice…"

"Fine, fine. I'll drop it, but you still have to come." There was a brief silence. "Where are you anyway? It sounds like you're in the car."

"I'm on my way to Port Angeles to pick up a few things I forgot at home."

"Oh, what are you picking up in Port Angeles? I'm sure I've got it here."

"Like a book and," I took a deep breath, "I guess a bathing suit since I'm apparently coming over."

"YAAAAAY!" she squealed into the phone. "Oh Bella it'll be awesome! We can have a slumber party since you don't have to go home and you can come over tonight since Seth already left… and you can spend tomorrow night too and just drive home Monday! YAAAAAAY!"

I couldn't help but laugh at her excitement. "Hold on Alice, I never said anything about spending the night. I don't even have my overnight bag."

"Pish posh Bella, just pick up some underwear there – everything else I can give you, duh."

"Alice –"

"Don't even start Bella, just hurry up and get here soon."

-------------------------------------

EPOV

I had fucking lost it. The combination of being up nearly all night thinking of Bella and over hearing Alice's conversation about her being in Port Angeles drove me to the point where I was actually in my car, driving to the coastal town.

I was officially Bella's stalker again.

I got into the downtown area in record time and pulled into the first parking spot I could find. It was warm out, even on the water which was rare, so there were people everywhere. I rested my head on the steering wheel.

What the _fuck_ are you doing? One, Bella isn't your girlfriend. Two, you technically have a girlfriend – her name is Lauren. Three Bella has a boyfriend. Four, you are _not_ him.

Even with this mantra playing in my head, I found myself getting out of the car and roaming down the main street of Port Angeles.

After about half an hour of walking around, I was about to give up – hey even stalkers have to draw the line somewhere – when I saw Bella's profile walking out of a nearby boutique store.

"Bella!" I shouted as I walked over to her, bumping into a few tourists on the way.

Her head spun around and she searched the crowd, her eyes finally landing on mine.

I hadn't been expecting a smile, but the look she was giving me was nothing short of a death glare as she backed up into the tiny alley way between the store she had just walked out of and the candle shop next door to it.

"Did Alice send you to come fetch me?" she growled as she shoved her hand into her purse digging around and pulling out her keys.

"Um, what?" I shook my head, completely confused.

"Don't cover for her Edward. She seriously thought I was still gonna bail?" She scoffed. "I swear, when I see her…"

"Wait wait… hold up Bella. Alice didn't send me."

She looked at me inquisitively, raising one eyebrow. "So what are you doing here then?"

I took a deep breath. "Oh you know, thought I'd come by and I dunno… see the water I guess. It's just a coincidence that I saw you; thought I'd be polite and say hi."

_Dumbest fucking thing to fucking say ever; way to lie dip shit._

Her eyes went wide and she burst into laughter.

"Seriously Edward? That's the best you could do? 'See the water… a coincidence that I saw you'?" She laughed harder as she imitated my lie.

I couldn't help but chuckle myself. She had the most infectious laugh. "Ok, so it was pretty bad."

As her laugh subsided, a soft smile covered her lips. "So really, what are you doing here?"

Fuck. Truth or lie?

"I um… I heard you were here. So, I thought I'd meet you here. I mean, maybe clear the air before we face the masses?"

Her face went completely unreadable, and my heart slowed to a painful rate. I wanted to gasp for air, but I couldn't. Her eyes were burning into mine.

"Seriously Edward, _clear the air_? About what?" I saw her take a big swallow and bite her lower lip.

I took a chance and stepped closer to her, thankful that we were off to the side of the walkway. "About, us I guess. What happened at the hospital, I really wanted to – "

She released the hold her teeth had on her bottom lip and stared down at the floor.

"You can't do this Edward. I'm with Seth now." Her voice was softer than before; she sounded like the old Bella. "You had your chance. Honestly, you had up until two and a half years ago, so you had plenty of time. And I won't lie; I would have taken you back."

My heart sped up at her confession and I was about to admit that I knew the timing was terrible, but I needed her to know that everything I said before, in the forest all those years ago was nothing but a lie. But before I could say anything, she looked up at me, her eyes changing to something cold and hard.

"But you can't just walk back in to my life, essentially on fucking _accident_ and expect that I'll be happy to see you. And you can't just fucking follow me around and say it's all a coincidence. We're in Port _fucking_ Angeles, Edward. That's over an HOUR away from Forks and even further from Alice's place... it's too much of a 'coincidence' especially since I told Alice I was going to spend the day here." Her voice was back to being stern and calmly furious.

"You _can't_ fucking magically show up like this. It was hot when we were 17 and you were a vampire. But now we're 24 and you're human and it's just _creepy_."

I couldn't deny it. I had become that obsessed guy again, but I didn't know how not to want Bella. I didn't know how to have her in my life without loving her, without wanting to touch her.

So I did the only thing I could do to not make this situation any worse.

"I'm sorry Bella. I didn't mean to come off like that. I just… it's incredibly difficult not to care as I do for you when you're back in my life."

"Edward, I'm back in _Alice's_ life; not yours."

My jaw clenched and I nodded before walking away, not saying a word. I knew if I stayed I would say too much, and I couldn't risk making things worse.

Reality had hit me square in the face. She was right; she was Alice's friend, not mine. She was Seth's girlfriend, not mine.

She would never be _mine_ again.


	12. Chapter 11

_Hey everyone! Thanks for the reviews. Once again, they were really awesome and lookie - a new chapter so soon! :)_

_Oh and this chap is for Zephyr Girl 77 who is so beyond awesome they need to put her name in the dictionary with the definition "an incalculable amount of awesomeness"  
_

_Review are love, duh._

_SMeyer still owns everything, unless something's changed since yesterday._

* * *

BPOV

"Alice, you're brother is a fucking NUT JOB!" I screamed as I paced back and forth in her and Jasper's bedroom as Alice sat cross legged on their bed.

"I mean, seriously, who fucking _does that_? Just follows someone to a town just to talk about something that doesn't even fucking _matter_!? He was going to APOLOGIZE Alice! Apologize for almost kissing me even though he didn't!" Ugh, I hated Edward fucking Cullen.

"Um, Bella?" Alice's voice was meek and sounded confused, which was completely unlike her.

I stopped mid-pace and turned to face her, huffing.

"Are you sure he was going to apologize?"

"What do you mean? Of course he was! He said something like, 'at the hospital, I really wanted to…' and then I cut him off because he doesn't need to apologize for something that never happened!"

I began to walking back and forth again, noticing Alice's forehead crease. "Bells, um, I don't think he was going to apologize."

"What? Of _course_ he was Alice; I just told you what he said!"

"Yeah…" she began, shaking her head. "You're wrong. Edward hasn't been able to shut up to me about that almost-kiss. I'm pretty sure he was trying to tell you that he really wanted to kiss you that night, not apologize for what _almost_ happened."

I stopped once again, mid stride. "He talked to you about it?"

She smiled widely and nodded. "Mhm, for like the first week after it happened, I couldn't get him to talk about anything else. Bella, maybe he's going about it all wrong, but I really think he misses you."

I scoffed. "Right, that's why he's fucking Lauren. It makes perfect sense."

She stretched out her legs, leaning her back against the headboard. "Well you're fucking Seth, and yet you're in here freaking out over a 5 minute conversation you had with him."

Touché.

------------

EPOV

Idiot didn't even _begin_ to describe me right now. What kind of person follows their ex to a dinky town just to see them, when they could have just waited a few hours and seen them anyway? A fucking psycho that's who; and I was fairly certain that I wasn't that insane.

Maybe Bella Swan was a witch and had put a spell on me. Oh god, how fucking cheesy was that to even _think_ about? Ugh.

I wound up driving around aimlessly for a couple hours, trying to clear my head. I needed to think about this. Did I want Bella back, or just the idea of Bella? She was clearly not the same person she had been in high school, so what was it aside from her looks that made me want her still?

It was how it felt to be in love with her. I loved loving her; I loved how it felt to know she loved me – even when feeling it was the most selfish thing I could do.

I pulled into Alice & Jasper's driveway a little before 3pm. I noticed Emmett's Jeep and Carlisle's Saab parked in the covered carport and could smell a grill cooking up a storm just past the house.

I peeled off the lightweight button up cardigan I had been wearing and tossed it in the backseat as I exited my car and strolled over to where the smell was coming from.

"Alice, I swear if you don't stop trying to take me down I'm not going to be responsible for tossing you into the pool!" Emmett threatened as he shooed away her attempts to jump on his back.

"Hey guys," I announced awkwardly, making my way over to where Rosalie was sunbathing on a lounge chair beside the pool.

Rosalie's glistening skin was almost blinding as I hopped on the chair beside her and reclined back. Her skin was shining even more brightly when contrasted with her fire engine red halter cut bikini top with standard bikini bottoms that had rings on the sides of her hip.

"Edward move out of my sun and go change," she demanded, not opening her eyes.

"You're a bitch, you know that?"

"Yea, like that's a new insult Edward? Really, move. You're going to burn if you don't get lotion on that sensitive skin of yours soon," she mocked.

I grumbled and got up, making my way to the house to go change. I walked up to the top of the staircase and turned the corner too quickly, bumping into Bella. I stumbled back a bit as she gasped softly.

"Oh god, I'm sorry!" She apologized quickly, a blush spreading to her cheeks.

I couldn't help the crooked grin that crossed my lips.

She looked up noticing who she had bumped into and bit her lower lip. "I wasn't looking where I was going, per usual," she confessed, chuckling softly.

I took a chance and let my eyes look below her face. Fuck, hard on fully initiated. She was wearing a tiny sapphire blue triangle-cut bikini top that made her breasts look so fucking delectable it should have been illegal. The bottoms were no better; they hung far too low on her hips and were tied on the sides by two very thin pieces of string.

She cleared her throat, and I snapped my head back up as I felt my own cheeks grow red at being caught ogling her.

"You, um… look really nice in that color," I said lamely.

She giggled quietly and bit her lip. That fucking look, with her wearing that… god damn.

"Thanks Edward. Were you on your way down or up?"

How about down on you and up in my pants?

I cleared my throat trying to regain some semblance of proper social interaction. "Up, I was given an order to change."

"Let me guess, Rosalie?"

"You were a victim too?"

"I tried to get away with lying at the pool in shorts and a tank top. You'd think based on her reaction I had been wearing a hazmat suit or something…"

I couldn't help but laugh and her smile grew at my reaction. This felt comfortable, too comfortable. _She's not yours Edward_.

"Right, so I'm just gonna go…" I motioned with my thumbs to the spare bedroom to my left where I had tossed my stuff.

"Oh, right… yea I'll see you down there."

I nodded and practically jogged into the guest bedroom making sure to lock it behind me.

Hand meet crotch. Crotch this is hand, he's gonna pretend to be Bella out of that fucking bikini.

I lasted all of 5 minutes. Hopefully if given the chance, I'd last longer with the real Bella.

----------------------

BPOV

One of the things I hated most about Edward was how I could be so fucking mad at him for the most legit reasons but if he threw me his crooked grin it was all over. I was putty in his hands.

And that's exactly what happened when I ran into him on the stairs. And our semi-conversation was nothing like our discussion earlier. It was seamless and easy and… just like we used to be, almost.

I walked downstairs and back out to the yard where Emmett was manning the grill. He was wearing a pair of emerald green board shorts and a long apron that had "Kiss the Chef" written on it, with 'kiss' crossed off and 'bite' scribbled above it; I imagine he had it custom made.

I meandered over to him and poked his cold, hard side. He laughed heartily and turned to face me. "Hey Bells – DAYUM look who got all grown up in the right places while Rosie and I were playing house!"

"I HEARD THAT!!" Rosalie shouted from her place near the pool.

He winked at me and chuckled a bit more quietly.

"So, gotta ask. What would happen if I followed your apron's instructions?"

"Oh, I'd probably kill you by accident if Rosalie didn't first – on purpose," he grinned. "But I know _Edward_ might be more receptive to it."

I laughed, rolling my eyes. "Boyfriend, Emmett. Remember? Seth? I talked about him for like 20 minutes when you guys first got here."

He shook his head and poked my nose with the tip of the BBQ tongs. "Yeah, alright… I get it youngin'. No more sexy Edward jokes for… the next 5 minutes."

"Ha, thanks Em. I knew I could count on you to show restraint."

"Hey, that's what I'm best at!"

He lifted up a piece of steak from the grill. "Now, who wants some grizzly?!"

------------------------------

EPOV

Bella and I had barely said two words to each other since I had returned to the backyard.

She and Alice were catching up and picking up right where they left off. They talked about Bella's college years and the various boys she had dated. I had tried to eavesdrop, but Jasper kept talking about the Mariners and how this fall they were sure to make it to the championship game.

As the afternoon wore on, everyone started pairing off, and soon Bella and I were left to eat our human food outside by the pool, alone.

"This is awkward," she said playing with her piece of bbq chicken.

I nodded in agreement, swallowing a piece of the steak Emmett was adamant had been grizzly.

"Not just this, like us two sitting here. But watching you eat, it's weird."

I chuckled, completely forgetting that this version of me was still completely new to her.

"Yeah, I bet."

"What did you find you missed most, food wise?" She asked, wiping some bbq sauce from the side of her mouth.

"It's probably stuff they didn't have when I was human before. I can't seem to get enough processed food like pop tarts or horribly artificial popcorn."

She laughed and leaned back onto the grass where we had set up camp for dinner, her eyes fixated on the sky above us that was quickly dimming.

"I think I would miss fruit the most. How refreshing it is on hot days like this, for example."

"Yeah I guess; I'm still sticking to popcorn and over processed foods though."

She looked over at me and smiled that sweet smile I had fallen in love with. "Fair enough."

I moved my plate to the side and moved to lie beside her, staring up at the sky.

"I'm sorry about earlier, in Port Angeles. I shouldn't have wigged out on you like that."

I turned to look at her profile, smiling apologetically. "It's my fault. You have nothing to apologize for. You're right, me showing up was completely inappropriate. I just don't know how to handle _this_."

She turned her face in my direction, furrowing her eyebrows. "Handle what?"

"_This_… all of it. Me having to act like it feels normal to be human again. Me being _human_ around you. I feel like since I was changed back, everything I've done has been one dumb decision after another."

"I hope you know that you never have to _act _any particular way around me Edward, ever. But we all make choices and as a human, and I'm sure as a vampire we all have to deal with the fallout from them" she said, smiling in a way that didn't reach her eyes.

She had to know. She _needed_ to know everything. She needed to know everything I had said in the forest was a lie; that all of it was nothing more than a cover to keep her from following us while I kept her safe. She needed to know that it was all my insecurities of being human and no longer 'perfect' in the eyes of humans that prevented me from seeking her out.

"Bella I need you to know –"

"No Edward, stop. Our conversations today have been really draining. I don't like arguing with you; I never have. So let's just let this go."

What I heard was "so just let _me_ go."

----------------

BPOV

It physically hurt to hear him talk about himself like that – like he wasn't _meant_ to be human.

I kept cutting him off; I couldn't hear his regrets. Of course I wondered if he had ever decided to become a human to eventually find me again, but it had been _four_ years. So obviously, I wasn't anywhere in that equation. I was horribly arrogant to have even thought I would be a blip on his decision-making radar.

He had hurt me, repeatedly. But I still felt this fucking pull to him that wouldn't let me let him go. And I hated it because the pull towards this jerk, _my jerk_, was stronger than the pull towards to Seth at times. And I'm sure a part of it was the forbidden fruit, and I'm sure another part was _idea_ of being with Edward, since we had never done anything besides kiss before.

But fuck, those kisses…

I laid in the guest bedroom at Alice's house and the fucking sheets _smelled_ like him. Edward had spent the night before in this bed and was now staying in the cottage that came with the property. I snuggled into the pillow taking deep breaths of Edward's scent. The same cool, eucalyptus aroma he had always smelled of.

It was the most well rested night of sleep I had had since he left. And I felt dirty in the morning for realizing it right away, and knowing exactly the reason.

I woke up from the great night's rest at 8:30. I tried to listen for voices or movement, but the house was completely silent.

I threw on a pair of jeans, a plain gray t-shirt that hugged my upper body nicely and ran a brush through my hair. I needed air. I needed to get away from everyone for a few minutes and clear my head. I grabbed my car keys and a pair of flip flops and scurried down the stairs and to my car.

-----------------

About half an hour later, I was pulling off the main road and parking my car in a secluded area that was surrounded by trees. I carefully made my way through the lush vegetation as I took my time getting to my destination. I heard the faintest sounds of music coming from the direction I was walking towards and my breath caught in my throat as I approached _our_ meadow and I saw _him_ laying there with eyes closed and his iPod plugged into 2 tiny portable speakers.

"Ahem…" I said a bit loudly, trying not to startle him. It didn't really work and he jumped a little, looking towards me.

"Bella? Hi… um, _oh crap_ I swear I'm not following you!" He said defensively, sitting up and bending his knees towards his body.

I gave him a sad smile and laughed. "Indeed, it appears as though _I'm_ now stalking _you_."

He took note of the current situation and grinned as he lied back down. God, that fucking grin was the last thing I needed to see this morning after being overwhelmed with his scent overnight.

"Did you want to…" he stated opening his arm up and waving over to a grassy patch beside him.

"Oh, I don't want to interrupt. I can go; I was just coming here to think anyway. I can go do that at like, Starbucks or something…" god, I was getting fucking flustered. Edward would definitely be the death of me, if by no other means than sheer embarrassment.

"No, no it's alright. I was just doing the same. As long as you don't mine some music, we can both do our individual thinking of things here."

I nodded and walked towards him, lying down with a heavy sigh a few feet from him.

_Fuck_ he still smelled good.

I closed my eyes, reveling in how warm the sun was already despite the early hour. My mind swirled with ideas. From if I should talk to Edward after all about the infamous almost-kiss, to detailed fantasies of what it would be like to just pounce on him right now and _feel_ him.

His voice brought me out of my own head mid-fantasy.

"Hm?" I asked, leaving my eyes shut.

"I asked if it would be okay to ask you something."

"Mhm. What's up?"

I heard him exhale rather loudly. "Why did you believe me so quickly that day in the forest?"

My eyes opened quickly and blinked a few times. "What?"

"That day, in the forest… why didn't you question my sudden 180 of feelings?"

I turned my head to face him. His eyes were locked on mine and for a brief moment I forgot my own name.

"Because I knew that you meant it."

"How did you know?"

"Edward…." I looked at him pleadingly. Were we _really_ going to have this conversation? Here? Now? "I knew that you could never honestly love me – especially as much as I loved you. I guess I never thought you would say it was only a game, but I always knew you could never love someone as average as me."

His fingertips brushed from his cheek to his mouth and down to his chin.

"Bella, first off you are _not _average, by any means. You are extraordinary in every sense of the word." He paused before taking another deep breath. "What if I told you I lied about that? Lie about _not_ loving you. If it was to protect you?"

I couldn't help the masochistic laugh that escaped me. "I don't know…"

"Well, it's the truth. I _did_ lie, back then. Only not about the loving you, but about the _not_ loving you. Victoria was still lurking and I knew that the only way to protect you was to leave you. If I wasn't around, she wouldn't have the same kind of satisfaction in killing you. So I lied and I made my family lie to help in keeping you safe…"

What… the… fuck…

"What?" I asked in complete disbelief.

He repeated himself, admitting that he _had_ loved me all those years ago. That his leaving was to protect me from the monster he was, and the other monsters that would want to kill me if not for vengeance over James's death, but simply for _knowing_ that I knew about their kind.

"Oh, wow Edward… that's all quite a lot to process," I admitted. He _had_ loved me. He hadn't meant those words. He had been in love when he left and loved me so much he left to protect me. Well if that wasn't the most ass backwards logic I'd ever heard… but at the same time it was so _Edward_. Of course he would think that leaving would keep me safe – he saw himself so incorrectly, he didn't see himself as my savior he saw himself as my grim reaper.

I turned to look at him and gave him the best casual smile I could offer with my mind still reeling.

I sighed and listened to the lyrics blasting from his iPod.

_And I remember the day when you left for Santa Monica  
You left me to remain with all your excuses for everything  
And I remember the time when you left it all behind  
And I remember the day you told me it's over_

--------------------

EPOV

"Did you ever wonder _how_ I changed back?" I asked, breaking the silence that had consumed us for the past few minutes. I needed to break through this barrier of awkwardness that had been created by my confessions.

I saw her nod hesitantly. "Sure, I mean, when I first saw you, yeah."

"There was one big test, but I think another smaller one. One that I completely regret; looking back on it now, I wouldn't have made the same choice."

She put her hand on my forearm, and scooted closer. "It's ok Edward; you don't have to tell me."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Yes, I do Bella. I've fucked up so much with you, in so many ways, and hurt you so much. I need to tell you."

She squeezed my arm, but remained silent.

"I…" I took another deep breath, keeping my eyes shut. "I saw you, when you were in Italy."

She sucked in a breath and I continued. "I saw you, the night the men followed you…"

"So you were the one that sent Marcus?"

My eyes shot open quickly and I turned to look at her. "_What?_"

She looked taken aback and dropped her hand from my arm. "I was a bit tipsy and a couple guys followed me and were getting a little grabby. I tried screaming but one of them covered my mouth and started whispering to me in Italian. I had no clue what he was saying, but I assumed I probably didn't want to know. The next thing I knew this _guy_ was throwing the guys around like a Frisbee, tossing them into the side of the building and knocking them out cold. He introduced himself as Marcus and walked me back to the hotel…"

I was completely speechless. Marcus had never said anything. I'm not sure who he was protecting by keeping his heroic behavior from me, but who the hell cared. He saved Bella; I would owe him forever.

"I didn't send Marcus. He must have been watching me, and saw what was about to happen. I left before he arrived."

"So, you were just going to _let them_ attack me?"

I looked at her blankly, how could I explain? "I had to show allegiance, Bella."

"To save yourself? To save yourself you had to sacrifice me?" Her voice was shaky and sounded confused.

"I didn't know I would be gaining anything. I just knew I had to prove to them that – " I began but she interrupted me.

"So you were going to let a group of disgusting men do _whatever_ they wanted to do, for nothing? To prove to some asshole vampire royalty that you were cool enough to be in their crowd?"

"NO!" I shouted turning to look at her, scowling. "I did it to prove that they didn't have to fucking _kill you_ just because you knew about what we were. I had to show them that you and I were done and weren't having a secret relationship on the side, under their noses. They had to see that I no longer loved you; but Marcus fucking saw through that. He saw that I hadn't stopped when I arrived in Volterra. Maybe _that's why_ he saved you. Because he knew that it was killing _me_ not to be with you. I was fucking going to give everything I could to keep you safe. I can't believe you _still_ can't see that…. Everything I did, whether it was good or bad in the end, was to protect you, to keep you safe."

She was staring at me, eyes glistening with tears. And I wanted to fucking go back in time and redo all of it. I wanted to have stopped them myself and I wanted the chance to explain everything about what I'd said in the forest to her then.

But I couldn't; so here we laid in our meadow and I was once again brining her to the brink to tears.

I hesitantly placed one hand on the side of her face and looked at her sympathetically. Her eyes closed slowly at my touch and she sighed.

"What was the big test Edward?" she whispered.

"I had to get rid of the Denali family in Alaska," I answered just as quietly casting my eyes to the grass between us.

"Get rid of? Oh…._oh…_" her voice stung with recognition as to what I was eluding to.

"But, they were friends of you and your family's. How… why…?"

Her eyes opened and I met her eyes as they searched mine looking for understanding.

"Another selfish move," I began as I moved my hand away from her skin and tugged at the grass nervously. "I thought that if I could become human again, I could work up the nerve to see you again and to set things right. Tell you everything about why I had really left and beg you for forgiveness. That maybe in time, I could become the person you deserved, without the unnecessary drama and danger; that I could finally be worthy of your feelings. And hopefully by then it wouldn't be too late."

"So why didn't you? Find me, I mean."

"Because as I sat on the plane coming back from Italy it hit me; what do I have to offer you that someone else can't? And I couldn't risk that your feelings _had_ been solely because of the things that attracted humans to us. I needed to live in the world that allowed me to believe it had all been real, and had nothing to do with the bait I dangled in your face simply by being the monster I was."

She sighed audibly and placed her tiny hand over mine, immediately stopping me from ripping out all of the grass that rested between us. "Edward, I never saw you as a monster. And my feelings had never been because of the so called 'bait'. I loved you back then because of the _person_ you were."

I flipped my hand over so that our palms were touching and I laced my fingers with hers. Peering down from our hands up to her eyes, I tried to read them. They were warm and soft and her lips curved into a small smile.

"Bella," I said her name like it was the only way I could breathe. "Please tell me it's not too late."


	13. Chapter 12

A/N: OMG thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chap. Hopefully all the questions got answered in this one - at least the tiny ones.

This chap is for aliceg. I know I already co-dedicated the story I'm writing with theotherbella - **My Life Without You** - (go check it out!) but she deserves another one. Because she's made of that much win. And awesomeness. And I heart her a million times over. Duh.

Anyway, before I go on a longer tangent about how awesome aliceg is, here's Chap 12!

As always - SMeyer owns everything and reviews make my world go round (and make me updated faster!)

* * *

BPOV

Edward was looking at me like a scared little boy petrified that his biggest fear was being confirmed. I couldn't do it; I couldn't be the one to break his heart, no matter how badly he had broken mine.

It had gotten to the point where I felt guilty, but I didn't know if I felt guilty to Seth for being with him when I felt _this, _whatever _this _was for Edward; or if I felt guilty to Edward for moving on and being with Seth_._

I bit my lip and looked away from his intense stare. "Edward, you're not being fair. You know that I'm with Seth."

"That's not answering me question Bella."

I sat up onto my knees and peered down at him. "What do you want me to say?" I honestly had no idea how he expected me to react? Overjoyed at his confession? Elated that wanted me back? Did he _honestly_ think I would just drop everything I had fought so hard to build, just because he more or less told me he's got a woody for me?

He adjusted his body so he was lying on his side, one arm propping his head up. "I _want _you to say that it's not too late; that you feel this connection too even after all the time that has passed. I _want_ you to tell me that I'm the only person you've ever wanted to be with at the end of the day. I want you to tell me that this will work, that _we_ will work."

"Edward please try and understand. You've just completely flipped my world around. You admitted things that I spent years _hoping_ were possible, but were never confirmed until now. And it's not just you and me in this equation, there are other people. You can't tell me that you want me to say these things, knowing that I'm not the only person here involved with someone else. As much as I hated Lauren in high school, she's obviously important to you now if you're with her and she deserves more than you saying all of this."

"So _it is_ too late then…" his voice echoed of sadness and finality. I couldn't tell him what he wanted me to say. I couldn't do it without knowing he _loved_ me still. If I was about to confirm everything I felt; if I was going to say all those things and demolish an entire 2 and a half year relationship with a single confession, I needed to know that he loved me.

I stood up, refusing to meet his eyes and turned away walking back towards my car.

It was the one thing this morning that he hadn't said and the thing I needed to hear most.

-------------------------

EPOV

She didn't look back once. I stared at her, in her direction until long after she was gone. If what I was feeling right now was _anything _like what I put her through that day in the forest, then I deserved every way in which my heart was shattering.

But at least she knew. She knew my truths, all of them. I had nothing to hide from her anymore. There was more relief than I thought in knowing that.

I wound up taking a nap in the meadow. When I woke up the sun was high in the sky and my face was a bit too warm for comfort. I sat up a little groggy as my eyes adjusted to the bright daylight.

I puffed out my cheeks, letting out a slow exhale. What the fuck was I supposed to do now? Go back there and pretend we hadn't had the conversation? Grovel and beg for another chance? Just fucking kiss her and deal with the ramifications later?

The last one sounded like the best option, but I didn't have the balls to do it.

So I got up, grabbed my iPod and did what I always do when I don't know what the fuck to do: I called Jasper.

--------------------------------

"Hey man, where are you? Everyone's about to get ready to go hiking."

"What? _Everyone_?" My infliction obviously meant I was asking about Bella.

"Well, everyone except Bella and Rosalie. Bella said she had no desire to break her leg over the holiday weekend, and mentioned something about going home for a bit to have dinner with Charlie. And Rosalie said she wanted to lay out by the pool again."

So she hadn't said anything about this morning. Fucking perfect.

"What's wrong Edward?" I heard Jasper's voice on the other end, after a beat.

"I told her. I told her everything," I blurted out. Come on, I had to tell _someone_, and it sure as hell wasn't going to be Alice who would just race to Bella and make things even more awkward than they already were.

"Well _shit_, no wonder she wants to skip out for a bit."

"Yea…" my voice trailed off as I took off from the side of the road where I had parked my car.

"Are you guys ok?" Jasper asked sounding worried.

"I don't fucking know anymore. I think I tried to tell myself I felt more than she did. I don't think she loves me anymore."

"Did she say that?"

"She didn't have to. It was in what she _didn't_ say."

"Well, did _you_ say it?"

"No, but it was implied. I mean Christ, I confessed _everything_."

"But you still didn't say it. Maybe you need to say it."

"I didn't think I had to. Like I said, it was implied. Plus after everything I confessed, she should have to say _something._"

"Why? You were the one that broke her, not the other way around. You honestly expect her to throw herself at you the minute you turn her world upside down and tell her everything you said that nearly _destroyed_ her was all a lie?" He scoffed incredulously.

"No one was joking when they said you got dumber when you became human again."

SPOV

"So what the hell do I do? Do I walk away and admit defeat? Admit what Bella hasn't even admitted – if it's even true, or do I forget everything Charlie said and just assume that Bella knows what she really feels?"

"And Bella hasn't kissed Edward or made any comments to suggest she wants to?"

I shook my head. Paul and I had ditched everyone after Jacob had convinced the rest of the guys that Sunday should be spent drunk from morning til night and pounded a six pack to himself on an empty stomach, while the rest of us munched on fish we had caught the day before.

Paul waived his hand around dismissively. "Then fuck the old man, Seth; he probably is just saying that so that you don't take his little girl away from him. You know – overbearing dad crap and all that. If Bella hasn't been acting off, or has alluded to anything, everything is fine. You just need to get over this inferiority complex you have when it comes to Edward Cullen. You were always like a puppy around him, anyway. About time you pissed on a tree and claimed your territory."

"I will _not_ pee on Bella. She isn't some tree Paul. She's a person; an amazing fucking person who I want to spend the rest of my life with. So please for Christ's sake, do not tell me to do some possessive territorial thing to keep her. If she doesn't want to be with me, then she can leave."

"Woah, woah, slow down there champ. Are you worried she will? Leave that is. Is that why you called me up Friday night to see if we could meet up earlier; because you needed time to figure out what you were going to do? Do you think she's _going_ to fuck Cullen? I mean, seriously?"

Seriously? Hell, I didn't know. All I knew was that she had been going through peaks and valleys since he popped back into the picture. She would be her normal, awesome Bella-self one minute and the next she was extra-quiet and wanting alone time for days at a time.

I shrugged. "I figured if something is going to happen, then it'll happen this weekend. When she's with all of the Cullens and everyone's walking around like old times. If the nostalgia of everything doesn't get to her, then I know we're rock solid."

"So then, two questions dude. One, why are you fucking _here _in the middle of nowhere in a huge testosterone fest far _away_ from your girlfriend at such a crucial point? And two, does she know this is a test?"

I reached into the backpack we'd brought with us on our hike, containing sandwiches and beers. Pulling the tab on the beer and taking a quick sip, I thought about his questions before answering.

"It's not a test. I just know that if something _does_ happen, I don't want to see it. I don't know what I'd do if I had to actually _see_ it. So it's better this way."

"You are one sick motherfucker, you know that right?" Paul teased as he grabbed the can out of my hand and chugged the rest of its contents.

BPOV

What the fuck _was_ all of that?

I tossed and turned, trying to go back to sleep after the morning I'd had with Edward in the meadow, but it was no use. I tried to tell myself it was because I wasn't used to sleeping alone, rather than because the sheets had been washed and no longer smelled of him.

It was past noon and everyone had left for the hiking trip that I was glad to not be going on. I threw on the same bikini I had worn the day before along with a pair of fitted jean Capri pants that hit just above my kneecap and made my way to the kitchen for some lunch.

I made myself a sandwich and grabbed a bottle of water before heading out to the pool to enjoy another sunny day in Washington. I noticed Rosalie lying perfectly still on one of the long lawn chairs and decided to take my chances with sitting beside her.

"You should know," Rosalie started, not moving at all, aside from her lips. "Everyone knows about what happened this morning. I thought you should know so when Alice comes to harass you later, you're not _entirely_ taken by surprise."

Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck.

"How? Did Edward come back and tell Alice?" I wasn't sure if I was more hurt or surprised, but either way it didn't sit well with me.

She scoffed a little and turned her head to face me. "You'd think she would be the one to spill everything, but she must be rubbing off on Jasper because he was the one that gossiped like Perez Hilton about it."

Jasper? No… he wouldn't. Would he?

At my startled look she nodded. "He got off the phone with Edward and just started spewing everything out like word vomit." There was a beat before she continued with a sigh. "So Edward told you about the details surrounding his change?"

I nodded; I wasn't sure how much she knew and I wasn't going to betray his confidence even now, when I didn't know _what_ we were.

"I wish they would have given us the same opportunity. I would have done exactly what Edward did, only better and faster."

"But…" my voice trailed off. I was completely baffled; how could they all be so willing to kill just to become breakable again?

"Honestly, we weren't _really_ that close to them," she began if sensing my confusion.

"Edward was for a time, when he lived with them and was with Tanya. But even that was very brief. They were just the easiest of our kind to associate ourselves with because they lived the same kind of lifestyle."

"I still don't understand _why_ you would want to be human again."

At this, Rosalie sat up. "Probably for the same reason you were so desperate for Edward to change you into one of us – to feel free."

------------------------

Rosalie and I talked off and on the rest of the afternoon. She didn't seem nearly as angry with me now that Edward was human and I was sticking to my guns about not revisiting Bella and Edward the sequel.

As the sun began to fall towards the west, I noticed that my skin was getting a bit pinker than I liked, so I went back inside to shower and get ready to head home to have dinner with Charlie.

I crept quickly from the bathroom to the guest bedroom after my shower, clad only in a towel. I nearly jumped when I noticed Alice sitting on my bed bouncing up and down lightly.

"Bella! I have a gift for you!"

"Alice if it's a snake that you found in the forest lets wait until I put clothes on before you show me so I can at least faint fully clothed."

She shook her head quickly and repetitively like a little kid. "Nope, better!"

I closed the door behind me and sat facing her on the bed with my legs crossed.

"He – I mean Edward – doesn't know that I know about this thing, so you're sworn to secrecy," she whispered unnecessarily pulling out a brown wooden box from behind her.

"What is it?" I asked raising an eyebrow. I wasn't really in the mood for any more surprises today.

"A box Bella," she said rolling her eyes. "Duh."

I laughed a little, and shook my head slightly. "Obviously, Al. But what's the big deal?"

Her mouth turned upwards into a Cheshire grin. "It's Edward's _Bella box_."

"What the hell are you talking about?" A Bella box; I mean _really_. Highly unlikely; I mean Edward seemed like one of the least sentimental people out there.

She placed the box between us on the bed and lifted the lid.

_Oh my god. It's a Bella box_. Inside were a handful of pictures of me, of him and I – even the photo booth strip from when we had been goofing off in Seattle with Angela & Ben.

I sat back against the headboard, holding the last regular sized photo in my hands. It was of him and I in the meadow, right before my birthday. I had one hand under his shirt, playing with his cold, toned stomach. I looked so happy there, and so had he – in the photo at least.

"Bella, no matter what happened today or what happens after today, you have to know that this has been his life since he left you. This is all he's had to remember that there was a time that he made you happy. His memories fail him; they warp into something ugly in his mind. They don't let him remember how happy he made you – his only real proof is what's in this box."

I'll admit it; my heart sank a little at her words. Of course he had made me happy. I had never _been_ happier than when I was with him. How could he not remember that? How could his opinion of himself be so low?

"Alice, today has been… intense. I can't, I just _can't_ deal with this right now. I'm sorry."

She sat back, smiling weakly and rubbing my forearm. "Okay Bells, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I just think you needed confirmation of everything from someone other than Edward. I won't bring it up again."

"Confirmation of what Alice?" I tilted my head looking at her. "Edward didn't really _say_ anything about how he felt, aside from that he wanted another chance. Most of our conversation had just been him telling me about how he _had_ felt 7 years ago, and about his stay with the Volturi."

"You mean, he didn't tell you he _loved_ you?" Her eyes bugged out and she sat up a bit.

I shook my head, looking at her with a surprised gazed. "Nope."

She knit her brows together looking frustrated. "Hm, okay. Well he does – obviously."

I shook my head again. "Alice, I appreciate what you're trying to do, really. But it's not what I want anymore; _he's_ not what I want anymore."

I'm not sure who the words stung more, her or me.

----------------------

EPOV

I did love Bella. Of course I loved Bella. If I didn't, why would I tell her everything? Why would I put myself through that? She didn't _need_ to know any of it. Not really, especially now.

But I needed her to know. I need to explain how I loved her; how I tried to protect her. I thought that telling her all of that would be enough. That she would _get it_. But maybe she hadn't. Or worse, maybe she had but it didn't matter.

I was too late.

Regardless, I knew that I couldn't keep going like I had been with Lauren. She was far more invested in whatever she and I were than I was and it had to stop. So after I hung up with Jasper I drove the 3.5 hours back to Seattle.

Another 2 hours of yelling, crying (on her part) and being fairly stoic, I left her apartment regretting nothing except not doing it sooner.

Lauren hadn't been my first, and I won't try and hide the fact that sex was one of the first things I was eager to try once I became human again. I had been turned back into a 17 year old; _of course_ sex would be on my brain. My first time was actually with a _werewolf_.

Well, not literally. I wasn't into bestiality or anything.

I had returned to Forks to stay briefly at my old home, giving my family some time to adjust to me being a human. Apparently my scent was nothing short of mouthwatering Rosalie which just added fuel to the fire with regard to her anger towards me. I had decided that one of the first things I would do as a human was finally visit La Push.

I had never gone their before the treaty was made, and I was excited to see what the hype was about. I had run into Leah there. Yes you heard correctly, Leah. Leah _fucking_ Clearwater.

Once she had noticed (first by sight and then by smell for confirmation) that I was in fact human again, she had immediately softened. Apparently I was decent looking even without my vampire charms.

There wasn't much to be said for what happened a couple weeks later. I wasn't her first and she wasn't surprised when I didn't last very long. She laughed it off which didn't really make me feel _better_ seeing as I was still inside her when she began giggling, but I suppose it could have been far more traumatic.

We parted ways a few days after that and we haven't run into each other since.

------------------

I arrived back to Alice's a little after 7 that evening, famished. Everyone was still hanging out in the back by the pool. Emmett was in the pool and Rosalie was sitting on the edge, dangling her legs into the water. Jasper and Alice were chatting with Esme & Carlisle on a few of the chairs closer to the house and everyone seemed genuinely peaceful.

This was my family, for better or worse. There was only one person missing – _my Bella_.

Esme's head lifted as I slid the sliding glass door open and made my way over to them.

"Edward dear, welcome home. We were about to call and see if you were going to be staying in Seattle."

I turned my glance towards Alice who shrugged. "I personally think you did a fantastic thing today."

I was about to ask in which area, but I didn't have a chance to because she jumped up and grabbed my hand. "Come on, I'll make you dinner!" she squealed with delight tugging me towards the house.

-------------------------------------------------------

"So I saw Bella today."

"Of course you did. She's _staying here_," I quipped. I wasn't about to take the bait into this conversation.

She placed a burger patty on the stove and stared at it as if willing it to cook faster. "I heard you didn't tell her you still love her."

I was going to fucking _kill_ Jasper.

"As I explained to Jasper, Bella should have known from our conversation that I still love her."

She turned around, her hands gripped firmly onto her hips. "I didn't hear it from Jasper. I heard it from _Bella_."

What? Was she kidding me with this shit?

"What? You heard it from _her_?"

She nodded triumphantly, obviously getting the reaction she was hoping for.

"Yeah we were in her room talking about what happened and I told her that you still loved her but _obviously _she knew that and she looked at me funny; said you never said you loved her."

"But I fucking told her _everything_, Alice."

"Evidently not."

--------------------------------------------

BPOV

Dinner with my dad had been nice; uneventful but nice. He took me out to eat – apparently they had opened up a new steakhouse in town and he was excited to try it. We made small talk about my job, my apartment, his job and his latest fishing expeditions with Billy.

The entire time, I couldn't get the photo of Edward and I out of my head. It was like the picture wasn't an image from almost a decade ago; rather it was like recollecting a great moment that happened last week. I remember how icy and hard his skin was to my touch. How I giggled as I traced letters into his skin and made him figure out what I was writing. The word I had written before the picture was taken described how I felt about Edward and what I had hoped for us rolled into one: forever.

After dinner we drove back to the house so I could grab my car and head back to Alice's. Not even the drive home helped to snap me from the photo montage filling my head. Some of the images weren't even photos that were taken. Some were Kodak moments I had stored in my mental photo album of Edward. The way his eyes pierced into mine the first day I saw him in the cafeteria. Or the way his face softened when he hovered above me after getting too caught up in a kiss, as if he was apologizing.

I arrived back to Alice's a little after 10. I pulled into the dirt driveway and parked my car behind Emmett's jeep, sinking down further into my seat.

Shit. I fucking loved Edward Cullen again; that is if I ever really _stopped_.

----------------------------------------

EPOV

I spent the evening pacing in Alice's living room. Everyone was watching a movie, occasionally sneaking a quick worried look in my direction.

She had to know. I had to tell her. I had managed to convince myself that even if I told her and she still shot me down, I'd be no worse off than where I was now. Even though that wasn't true; it would be _far_ worse if she knew I loved her and rejected me anyway.

Where the fuck was she? It was already past 9. How long would dinner with Charlie really take, an hour, maybe two? What if she was too uncomfortable already and decided to stay there?

No, no. She still had her overnight bag here. I checked – twice.

"Edward would you _please_ sit down or at least stop wearing a hole in my carpet. It's still new," Alice reprimanded.

I took a deep breath, running my fingers through my hair. "I can't sit still Alice."

"Well then go to the cottage then. If you aren't going to be social _at all_ then wait there. I'll call you when she gets back."

I looked at her tossing around the idea in my head. Wait here and be forced to socialize or go back to the cottage and just think about Bella and how I was going to tell her "I love you" without fucking it up entirely.

I walked through the sliding door and past the pool towards the cottage.

I would always choose Bella.


	14. Chapter 13

A/N: I'm sorry some of you guys hate this new Edward. But he's only _human_. He's going to fuck up and do things wrong and be meaner and less polite. He's essentially had to start over after 80 years but relive from 17 on... and just to clarify because I don't think it's been mentioned Edward is 22 and Bella is 24 - he changed 2 years after they parted ways.

Anyway, as theotherbella and I have discussed chapters with lemons should never be dedicated to anyone, except maybe Edwards manly parts. So here's to Edward's manly parts! :)

Reviews are love, even if you hate me now.

SMeyer owns all except for the sex because she _loves_ fade to black.

* * *

BPOV

I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I was bat-shit fucking crazy and stupid and the most awful person in the world. And despite knowing that what I wanted to do solidified all of this, I still found myself standing in front of the cottage door, knocking.

He opened the door quickly, as if he had put too much strength into it. He was wearing a button down white shirt that was un-tucked from his dark jeans. I looked up at him, my face expressing defeat. I was giving up; I couldn't not do it. It wasn't even an option.

He took two quick steps towards me, wrapping his hands around either side of my face and ravishing my lips. His hands gripped my face tightly; as I gasped in surprise he slid his tongue in my mouth. Our tongues wrapped around one another's and I moaned reflexively as his (tongue) began massaging mine.

"_Bella,"_ he whispered into my mouth as he slowly pulled away, his nostrils flared shoving air in and out. "If it's even possible, you taste _better_ than I remember."

"Edward," I breathed. "Don't talk anymore or I'll start thinking about what exactly I'm doing and I'll stop; and I can't stop, I need this. I _need_ _you_."

EPOV

She fucking _needed_ me again. And I wasn't about to fucking deny her. My heart started racing a million beats a minute as I moved my arms to her waist, encircling her tiny frame and pulling her close to me, carefully walking backwards into the cottage. Her arms laced around my neck and her fingers ran through the hair at the nape of my neck and I swore that I was prepared to die then and there.

We finally made it into the master bedroom and she kicked the door closed with one foot and sighed, untangling herself from me. I gazed at her, my crooked grin spread over my lips.

She looked up at me through her eyelashes and smiled shyly as she slipped her shirt up and over her head unclasping her bra and tossing it to her side. Her movements were slow and deliberate as she unbuttoned her jeans and stepped out of them and slid off her flip flops; the entire time her eyes never left mine. About halfway through blatantly staring at her getting undressed I thought it would be best to catch up, so I unbuttoned my shirt and dropped my jeans, albeit a bit more quickly than she did, until I was only in my dark green and brown plaid boxers.

Her chest was rising and falling quickly, and her lips were slightly parted as she looked at everything I had exposed to her. I let my eyes roam over her body freely and my breath hitched in my throat.

She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. Somehow she had even become _more_ attractive since I had last seen her.

I couldn't take it; I couldn't take her looking at me like that, wearing as little as she was, and _not_ touch her. I closed the gap between us and pressed my lips firmly to hers, not hesitating as my tongue swiped along her bottom lip and she opened her mouth inviting me in. My hands rubbed her sides, sliding from the sides of her breasts down to the edge of her underwear and back up. She took a step and flushed her body against mine; the sensations making both of us moan into each other.

I tried not to think about what this meant, mostly because I already had an idea. This was her goodbye. This was her getting me out of her system; finally getting _this_ after being turned away because of the danger I posed to her. And that rationale almost made me want to pull away, to prolong her being able to walk away. But I couldn't pull away. I was in love with Bella Swan, and if she needed me, I wasn't going to stop her; no matter if it killed me when she went back to Seth and disappeared from my life forever.

I walked her back until her knees hit the king-sized bed and soft cotton sheets. She slowly leaned back, pulling me down with her.

She moved her head back, pulling her lips from mine as she scooted on the bed, and I followed immediately as if there was a magnetic pull that refused to let us be apart.

My lips found hers again and I placed a chaste kiss on them before kissing her cheek, along her jaw and down her neck. My left hand was pushing into the mattress, supporting my body so I wouldn't crush her while my right hand rested on her hip, occasionally dipping under the edge of her underwear to rub against her skin.

My lips trailed down her neck to her shoulder and down her chest, until finally getting a taste of her beautiful breasts. I took each breast in my mouth one at a time, swirling my tongue around each nipple and biting lightly. Her body arched up against mine and her fingers pulled my hair forcefully as I bit the left nipple a bit more roughly.

"Please Edward," she panted as my right hand slid down to the front of her underwear and under the fabric. Her hips arched up and I grinned into her breast, kissing my way back up to her neck. I could feel her warmth against my hand and I hadn't even done anything yet. Without hesitating I slid my middle finger deep inside her, the heel of my hand pressed firmly against the top of her mound. Her breath picked up and she whimpered as she began moving her hips against my finger. As she rocked against my hand, I moved my thumb to her clit and began rubbing it lightly. I moved my head from her neck and looked directly at her.

She was biting her lower lip and her eyes were half opened. She released her lip from her teeth and stretched her neck up to kiss me firmly. I moved my head down so she could rest her neck on the pillow and invaded her mouth. My thumb began putting more pressure on her clit and I added a second finger. She moaned loudly into the kiss and her hands moved from their spot in my hair and on my neck to down my back. She dragged her nails down my spin until she got to the hem of my boxers and I broke the kiss, lowering my lips to her ear.

"Not yet love, I want you to cum for me first," I whispered, nibbling the spot just below her earlobe.

She moaned loudly, and I moved my lips back to hers – where they belonged.

My hand began meeting her thrusts and it wasn't long before she was moaning so often she pulled her lips away and lolled her head back.

"Edward, oh god…" she repeated over and over. My head was swimming with hearing her whimper my name and I kissed along her neck.

"Cum Bella, I need you to cum so I can be inside you," I murmured into the opposite ear.

After just one more thrust I felt her walls clamp around my fingers and she moaned out words I couldn't understand.

Her face was pink and glistening with sweat, and I take back what I said earlier.

_Now_ she was the most beautiful I had ever seen her.

She bit her lip shyly and wrapped a hand around my neck pulling me towards her where she kissed me softly a few times.

"Don't tell me you want stop now…" she begged. Her touch felt good, probably too fucking good. There was no way I could stop.

"Never Bella… I will never tell you I want to stop again, I swear," I answered staring deep into her chocolate eyes.

A smile spread across her lips and her hands moved down my chest, with her eyes following their movement. She briefly played with a few stray hairs on abdomen and she glanced up at me.

"You're warm now."

I wanted to say, well duh. But I just chuckled and nodded. The way she was looking up at me I swore that I saw love, but I couldn't be sure. And right now I couldn't risk making assumptions like that. So I pushed back the thought and lowered my lips to hers brushing against them once, then twice before fastening them there.

Her hands eventually left my stomach and tugged down my boxers as I wiggled them down and kicked them off. She spread her legs and I felt her kneecaps resting against my hips. I felt her warm hand dip down and grasp me firmly.

I almost came right then. My face quickly moved to the crook of her neck and I took a deep breath.

"Bella, you can't… I won't last long if don't stop touching me like that."

I felt her breath a quiet giggle and release me from her grip.

"I guess that means I don't get a taste before hand then, huh?" She whispered into my ear. I felt a shiver go down my spin at her comment and the way her breath felt against my skin and I groaned even louder into her shoulder.

"I just, I really need to be in you Bella," I confessed.

She groaned right into my ear and arched her hips, grinding against mine. "Edward, me too… I _need_ to feel you."

I lifted my head up and looked at her; at her beautiful face, into the eyes that I wanted to gaze into for an eternity; the nose that I had kissed more times than I could count – especially on cold days when it was bright red; her adorable cheeks that turned pink so easily. And finally those perfectly kissable lips that were already a bit swollen from my earlier attacks.

"Bella… I – "

She quickly placed an index finger over my lips, shaking her head. "Edward don't; let tonight be just about this, about us. Please."

I nodded and opened my mouth slightly to kiss her finger. She removed it and entwined her fingers back in my hair, once again pulling me closer.

My right hand moved from her hip to wrap around my cock as I positioned it at her entrance.

"You ok? You ready?" I asked hesitantly. I was begging her in my head not to shut me down now, but I couldn't be sure. She looked almost _pained_ when I had tried to tell her I loved her a moment ago.

One of her hands left my hair and cupped my jaw, her thump rubbing lightly on my 5 o'clock shadow that had begun to appear. She opened her mouth to speak but closed it and just nodded.

I took a deep breath and looked at her, _really _looked at her. And I knew I saw love in her eyes. What kind I didn't know, if it was platonic or more. But in that moment it didn't matter. I loved Bella and to some capacity I knew she loved me too.

Pressing my lips gently against hers, I slowly slid myself inside her. My eyes instinctively rolled back into my head. Of course she would feel amazing. Of course she would be warm, and slick and tight in the best possibly ways.

I moaned loudly, gasping for air as I pulled my lips from hers and repositioned my head into the crook of her neck, already panting from the feel of her around me as I began moving in and out of her steadily.

I was thrusting into her and it felt so good I wanted it to never end. I wanted to know I could spend the rest of my life doing this every night. Her moans were just egging me on. Her legs lifted up and our rhythm got thrown out of whack for a moment as she pressed them against my shoulders.

Fuck my cock was getting even deeper inside of her. Her breath was fast and uneven, just like mine. "Edward… god… mmmm…" she moaned loudly.

"Bella… ungh… you feel… fucking… ungh… amazing," I groaned between getting in gulps of air as I shoved myself in and out of her even faster.

After a few moments her legs dropped from my shoulders and pulled me down by the back of my neck to crash her lips against mine. One of my hands slid down her body to her hip and pounded into her even harder.

"Edward," she breathed heavily, turning her lips towards my ear. "Please, I need to feel you cum inside me. _Please_…"

God this woman was going to be the death of me. "Fuuuuck Bella," I practically whined into her ear. "I need to feel you, squeeze my cock. The only way I'll cum is if you're milking my dick."

At the sound of my request, she arched her back, pressing her breasts into my chest and let go. Her pussy tightened around my cock like a vice grip and I was only able to ram into her twice more before I came inside of her walls.

Who knew Bella liked dirty talk?

We laid there sweaty, as our orgasms slowed to a stop. Our breath was still labored as I rolled off her and to her right side, pulling her to me immediately.

I didn't know how I was going to let her go. I didn't know how I would react to waking up with her being gone. It was going to kill me; there was no doubt in my mind about that. Bella had always been stronger than me; she had been able to move on eventually after I had left.

But my life didn't exist without even a glimmer of hope that I would have Bella again. And once Bella finally made the choice to walk away, I wouldn't be able to stop her.

Her hand reached up and caressed the side of my face once more, her eyes soft and warm.

"Are you okay? You look upset. You don't regret this do you?" Her voice was quiet and timid, almost apprehensive.

I smiled as best I could and shook my head. "No Bella, I could never regret this; I could never regret you." I pressed an open mouthed kiss against her clammy forehead and sighed as I took in her strawberry scent mixed with the lingering smell of our sex that hung in the air.

She hooked one leg over my hip and scooted even closer to me laying her head on my arm that was flat against the pillow. My free arm wrapped around her waist and I rested my head on top of hers. She sighed heavily and yawned.

I closed my eyes; in my head I was telling her everything I wanted to say.

_I love you Bella. I always have, I always will. I'm so sorry for being who I am now, being different, being even _more _of a monster than I had been before. Please stay with me; don't go back to him. Stay with me and let me love you and spend every day of forever trying to make up for the lost time and the ways I've hurt you. Say you love me. Say that you want the same. Say that you want to marry me, and have children with me, and grow old together and let me love you even after death. We can skip the 'til death do us part line in our vows; because I will love you beyond that, I will and have, loved you forever. _

_**Please don't leave now that I've just gotten you back.**_


	15. Chapter 14

Kay, so this one is super short and more of a wrap up of the last chap since all the last one was, was a giant lemon for your pleasure :P (pun FULLY intended - haha)

It's short. It's sweet. It's sour. I'm already working on the next chapter since the reviews for the last one came pouring in so quickly.

Love you peeps like nobody's business. Especially homegirl theotherbella.

As always, SMeyer owns - duh.

And reviews make me post at lightening speed

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EPOV

I woke up to her still in my arms and sighed heavily.

She hadn't left yet.

I sighed with relief and enjoyed the moment, pulling her closer to me as she nuzzled her face deeper into my neck. I kissed her hair firmly, letting my lips linger and letting myself get lost in her scent. Her smell was one of the things I would miss most.

I felt her stir and roll over. I wondered if this was it; that I would actually be forced to watch her get out of my bed and walk away for good.

"Mmm... Edward…?" I heard her mutter groggily as I snapped out of my nightmarish daydream of having to deal with watching her go.

I snuggled up closely behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her tighter against me. This was probably not the best idea since having Bella's bottom pressed up against my groin meant I had a raging hard on. She moaned softly and moved her ass in small circles against my erection; what the hell was she doing to me?

She flipped around; her eyes hidden under half her lids, smiling warmly. "Hi," she murmured.

I couldn't help but smile. "Hi love," I whispered. Her smile grew fractionally, and for the briefest moment I fantasized that this is how it would always be. That I could wake up to her smile and bedroom eyes, naked in a bed that we shared, every morning.

"We fit well together, don't we?" She asked staring down at our torsos pressed tightly against each other and our legs entwined.

"Perfectly."

Her eyes looked back up and met mine. And they were glassy, and I would not stand to have Bella cry, especially now; so I dipped my hand to her jaw and lifted her chin as I softly brushed my lips to hers.

And there was no sense of urgency, no tug of war to see who could turn who on faster. And I felt her swallow hard, and I knew that those were tears she was choking down. I traced my fingers from her chin, along her jaw and cupped half her face with my hand.

Her lips pulled away from mine slowly as her hand reached for the one I had put on her cheek.

"I… I need to know Edward…"

What? Was she asking me if I loved her? If I wanted her to leave? What I thought this meant? _Yes, no, and everything._

When I didn't respond right away, she blinked and I saw a tear roll down her check.

_I made Bella cry, _again.

I brushed the tear away with my thumb, gently kissing her cheek where it had fallen.

"Don't… come on Bella… its okay. It'll be okay."

She sniffled and gave me her best scared-brave-girl smile. "I know, I guess... I just thought… never mind."

And I _really_ wanted to tell her, _no not, never mind. Tell me you love me, so that I can say it because I won't say it unless you say it first because I'm a huge fucking pussy and am petrified that if I say it first, you'll leave for good._

So I did the next best thing. I kissed her, and she sighed audibly into my mouth, placing one hand over my heart.

And this time there was no rush; it was slow and sensory. As I moved, I tried to lock into memory the difference in how she tasted on her lips versus her shoulder compared to her wrist.

I moved everywhere; I loved every inch of her skin. She needed to know that this was the only place I would ever want to be. But I couldn't say it. The words were stuck in my throat. I needed her to know that this was everything to me; that she was my everything; but I couldn't.

And god this really felt like goodbye. I was moving so slowly that it was almost giving physically painful, but if I went any faster I didn't know how much longer I could hold on. So I started thinking about the most inanimate things on top of my turtle's pace just so that I wouldn't stop; because once I stopped I _knew_ she would have no reason to stay.

All of my efforts went out the window when I felt Bella's breath on my neck as I licked and suckled along her shoulder. "Edward…" she sighed.

My lips made their way back up her neck and across her cheek to her lips. They were my favorite part of her to kiss, always soft, always warm, and always perfect against my own.

I lowered my hands from where I had them wrapped around her back and pulled us both up to where we were on our knees. She slid up, straddling me. My hands rested comfortably on her hips as I guided her down onto my length slowly, once again committing the feeling to memory. No one would ever feel as good around me as she did. We both moaned at the sensation and her arms draped around my neck. She moved her body so it was pressed securely against mine as I used my hands to help move in and out of her. Our pace remained slow as we alternated between soft chaste kisses to lingering passionate ones.

After awhile she began swirling her hips in a circular motion and began moving a little faster against me. She needed a release, and I was prepared to give her _anything_. I gripped her hips harder and started meeting her downward push with my own forceful upward thrust.

Her fingers pressed into the back of my neck as she bounced up and down. The vision enough to make me let go, but I held on.

I buried my face in the nape of her neck, licking the beads of sweat that clung to her skin. She was salt and sugar and warmth all in a single droplet. I needed this; I would never _not_ need this. My teeth lightly grazed the point where her neck met her shoulder.

She was panting, matching my own winded breath. "Please Edward, harder," she begged into my temple. I shoved myself into her harder, grunting into her skin as I impaled her over and over again. She squeaked, actually _squeaked_ at the sensation and it was the cutest fucking sound I'd ever heard and I grinned as I realized it was me that had elicited it.

"Not there… your mouth – harder."

Was she serious? Was she _fucking _kidding me? I didn't question it. It had been something I'd thought of since the minute I became human.

My teeth sank into her and I sucked and pulled on her skin. Immediately I felt her head loll back and her walls tighten around me as she screamed out my name. At the sound of and reaction to my single action I let go inside of her, remaining still as I filled her completely with my seed.

After our breaths had slowed down to a normal rate she sat up, lifting herself off me and laying back down against the mattress; I quickly followed.

BPOV

I laid there feeling incredibly content basking in my second post-coital glow. I had wondered if my feelings would have faded once we had finally _done it_ but they hadn't. If anything they had been magnified. It was like he knew exactly how, where, and when to touch me. Don't even get me started on how he _talked_. I had never been a big fan of dirty talk but when Edward commanded me to cum, hell if my body hadn't taken that as a direct order and complied immediately each time.

And when I woke up in his arms and felt how perfectly we fit, it was almost too much. I had tried to ask him how he felt. If he loved me, but he had cut me off and then remained quiet.

That made it evident that he was only back to the infatuation phase of Bella and Edward and my worst fear was essentially confirmed – he _didn't_ love me anymore. And I needed him, just once more. One more time of feeling him, of pretending in my mind that this – that _I _– meant more to him than just years of sexual frustration finally being diffused.

I sighed to myself and sat up, swinging my legs off the side of the bed. I couldn't think about this while I was here with him. I couldn't let myself feel like my heart was being ripped out again because I had overestimated his feelings _once again_.

"Hey, where are you going?"

I turned to look at him over my shoulder, a few stray hairs clouded my vision and I brushed them behind my ear and half smiled.

"I should go back to the main house. It's late, or early I guess… I'm meeting Charlie pretty early for breakfast," I lied. I didn't have to be back at Charlie's until early afternoon, I just knew I couldn't be around him the better part of the morning.

His face fell slightly. "Oh, right, yeah. You should try and rest before all of that." He was probably hoping for a round two - the sexually insatiable Edward the Human.

I nodded a little, pushing off the bed and searching for my clothing. Fortunately most of it was puddle at the foot of the bed, except my underwear.

I didn't dare look at him; I couldn't. I wouldn't cry in front of him again. I wouldn't beg him to say what he didn't mean.

I lifted the bed sheets and grabbed my underwear sliding them on in complete silence. I continued to layer on my clothing, staring intently at the carpet.

I heard him get up, just as I was pulling my shirt over my head.

"I'm um… going to…" he said, ending the uncomfortable silence that had hung in the air.

I looked up at him, biting my lower lip as he pointed towards the bathroom with both his thumbs.

So much for not regretting what happened tonight; he was all too eager to hop in the bathroom and wash me off.

I nodded, and slid on my flip flops walking to the door as I heard the bathroom door close.

I grabbed the doorknob taking a deep breath. I knew that once I opened the door I would need to let go of him completely. No more lingering glances at him if I ever saw him again, no more dwelling in what have/could have/should have beens.

He hadn't give me a reason to stay and I wasn't about to play the pathetic Bella card and ask him if I could. I had to be stronger than that; I _was_ stronger than that.

In all actuality if he had asked me to stay I'm not sure what I would have said. But he hadn't, so I didn't even attempt to think beyond it. He had called me love, but he hadn't _said_ it outright. He hadn't laid it all on the line; he hadn't really risked _anything_; whereas I put everything out there.

He knew how much I had to lose by doing this. He knew I was putting everything I had built for myself; the life I had made with Seth completely on the line for tonight. He fucking _knew_ what was at stake; my entire world could potentially crumble because of all of this and that I would lose _everything_.

I wonder if he saw the moments of doubt I'd had tonight, where I thought I just might have more to gain.


	16. Chapter 15

Hey everyone. Thanks for all the reviews/comments/PMs about the last chapter.

Without further adieu... chap 15!

As always - SM owns. I love reviews and you all are awesome.

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EPOV

I couldn't watch her leave, knowing what I had or rather hadn't done.

I could have stopped her.

I could have told her that I loved her

I could still run out there and just do all of this.

But no, I just sat there in the bathroom with the shower running as I buried my face in my hands.

She was my life and I fucking let her go, _again_.

I was the biggest idiot ever to have existed. I don't even know what was stopping me aside from the stomach full of fear, which was probably all that was hindering me. I thought back to earlier when I had been hovering above her and had practically _known_ that she loved me. What happened to that reassured feeling I had?

Oh right, she got out of bed minutes after you guys had sex again.

But maybe it wasn't only that she may not love me. It was maybe that even if she did, _she loved Seth more_.

I turned off the shower and walked out to the quiet bedroom. The sheets were piled up at the end of the bed and I glanced around the room. Aside from the smell of sex that was still in the air, you would never have known what had happened here tonight. There was no trace of Bella. Crawling back into bed, I laid on "her" side of the bed and inhaled deeply against the pillow as I shut my eyes.

Strawberry shampoo.

BPOV

I hadn't even bothered sleeping when I got back to Alice's house. I grabbed my duffle bag, scribbled a note for Alice, who had left one of her own saying they were going hunting again to give Edward and me "privacy", and got in my car for the drive home to Forks.

I was back in Forks a little before 5am and quietly crept into my room. Fortunately I made it up to my bedroom without incident. I immediately collapsed onto my bed, the smell of Edward and I lingering on my skin and I allowed myself to get wrapped up in everything that had happened over the course of the evening one last time...

--------------------

I woke up to the smell of coffee and rolled over towards my alarm clock. 10:09. Perfect a little more than 5 hours of actual sleep.

After showering and feeling a sense of loss that I had showered away the last I would ever have of Edward Cullen, I threw on a pair of jeans a black tank top and navy blue hoodie. I jogged down the stairs and froze as I saw that it wasn't just my dad in the kitchen.

Seth had come back early.

"Hey Bells!" He exclaimed with a huge smile on his face as he ran over to me and picked me up in a huge hug.

I couldn't help but laugh as I wrapped my arms around his neck and took in the smell of campfire.

"God I missed you," he whispered into my ear as he placed a lingering kiss against my temple.

"I missed you too," I sighed, my feet hitting the ground as he put me down.

Charlie chuckled in the background and I felt a blush spread to my cheeks.

"You'd think you kids had been apart years with that kind of greeting."

Seth and I just looked at each other and smiled big dopey smiles. Even with everything Edward and I had been through, or rather despite the emotional rollercoaster I had put myself through because of Edward; I could look at Seth and feel completely free.

Maybe Edward didn't complete me anymore; maybe Seth did.

"I gotta run to get some stuff for Leah's BBQ this afternoon. Did you want to come with? If not, I can go pick up the stuff and swing by here to get you; I know you probably want to spend more time with your dad before we head home," Seth inquired as I walked over to my dad and grabbed the cup of coffee he had had handed me.

"Mmm, would you mind coming back? I still need to throw everything back in my bag and I'd like to say goodbye without rushing?" I asked, biting my lip. I knew it would be an inconvenience, but I _did_ want to spend a bit more time with Charlie; I felt bad enough as is for letting myself get consumed with the Cullens instead of staying here with him like I had initially planned to.

He shook his head grinning, "nope no prob. I'll be back in like a half hour, hour tops. Okay?"

I nodded and walked over to him placing a quick kiss on his cheek. "Love you."

"Love you too Bells," he retorted. He looked up over my head and nodded towards Charlie. "Good seeing you again sir."

"You too Seth; thanks for stopping by. I think you made Bella's morning."

I buried my face in Seth's chest, grinning like an idiot. _So what if he did_?

Seth kissed the top of my head and chuckled. "Well she's the best part of my day too. I'll see you both soon."

He pulled away smirking at me before turning and walking out the kitchen towards the front door.

------------------

I made a quick breakfast for the two of us; eggs and toast – nothing fancy. We took our usual seats across from each other at the kitchen table and ate in complete silence, occasionally looking at one another and giving a half smile.

Charlie cleared his throat and I looked up as he took a sip of coffee.

"Bells, I'm not going to ask why you came home at 4:30 this morning. And I know I may not be the best dad. I may not always be there for you with stuff, like your mom can be. But don't forget that I saw you grow up too; I saw a lot that we don't talk about. And I want you to know that just because I don't bring it up doesn't mean that I don't see it, that I don't worry…"

I hunched my shoulders over the table and stared down at my plate of scrambled eggs and toast that I had made and bit the inside of my lip so I wouldn't cry. I had become an emotional fuckwit since Edward came back into my life. I never used to get choked up like this before. Not since, well… when he left. I took a deep breath and looked up at him. "Dad, I'm good. It was just hard seeing everyone together for the first time in forever. I'm good though, promise."

He looked at me with concern written all over his face. He wasn't one to push things, but I could see that he wanted to ask more. "Okay Bells. Just know I'm here if you need to, you know, talk."

I gave him a full smile and nodded. "Thanks dad."

---------------------------------

After my dad and I had our talk, which was as close to a heart-to-heart as we'd ever had, I walked onto the porch to enjoy the last hours of peace and quiet before Seth and I left for Seattle.

I noticed my car in the driveway and had completely forgotten that we had taken separate cars up here. I sent him a text reminding him too. He responded almost immediately letting me know he noticed that on his way out and that he'd drop me off after Leah's so I could pick up my car. I leaned back into the swinging bench we had on the porch and closed my eyes, once again enjoying the silence.

What felt like minutes later, I felt the bench shift and my eyes sprung open.

Edward.

"Hi."

I looked at him, completely dumbfounded. "Hi?" What the fuck was he doing here? Oh my god, was he going to tell Seth? My heart started beating erratically and my face changed to something less confused and more frightened.

His demeanor changed immediately at my reaction and he leaned back holding up his hands in defense. "Bella, I'm not going to… I would never," he sighed. "It's not my place to say anything to anyone about anything."

Whew. I visibly relaxed and nodded in thanks. I wasn't sure how, when, hell _if_ I was going to tell Seth about what happened but it wasn't something I wanted to deal with today so I tried to push the whole ordeal out of my head.

Well, the ordeal of how to tell him. The ordeal of actually what I had to confess was still very much floating around in my head.

"So what are you doing here?" I asked after I'd taken a few more breaths.

"Oh, um, I came to give you this," he said holding up my Berkeley hooded sweatshirt. "Alice saw it and I offered to bring it over on my way home."

He was leaving already? I hadn't had plans to go over to the Cullens, but for some reason my heart dropped a little knowing he wouldn't be there if I had gone over later.

"I thought you were staying a few more days? Alice mentioned something about you not leaving til tomorrow or Wednesday."

He nodded in confirmation. "I was, but it's really unfair to the other doctors on staff for me to be gone this long, so I'm going to head back today and pull a shift tonight."

"That's going to be horrible Edward. We barely slept – I mean, you must not have gotten a lot of sleep last night. You've got to be exhausted," I blushed as I almost vocalized what we had done the night before.

"A little, but nothing too bad; what little sleep I did get was the best I'd gotten in years, if ever, so I feel fine," he answered grinning sweetly.

Would it be completely stupid if I agreed with him? That the few hours in his arms had been some of the best rest I'd had since, well, the last time he held me as I fell asleep.

Instead I just felt my cheeks turn pink, and I stared down at the sweatshirt in my hands.

EPOV

I wanted to touch her, to kiss her, to pull her into my arms and tell her I fucking loved her and have that be enough to make her be with me.

"Bella…" I let out her name in an exhale.

Her eyes moved up to look into mine and I didn't know how she did it, but every time she looked in my direction I fell in love with her a little bit more. Her brown eyes were so warm and inviting, it was hard to take sometimes.

"I just, I need to tell you, you have to know – " I began but turned when Charlie swung the screen door open and stepped outside.

"Bella – oh hi Edward," he said, looking surprised to see me.

Bella turned to face him, "Hey Charlie, what's up?"

"Oh I just wanted to see if you were still here. You get a hold of Seth about the car situation?"

Car situation, what car situation?

"Yep, he's going to pick me up from here and we're going to go to Leah's together. Then he'll drop me off on the way to the highway so I can pick up my car."

Charlie nodded, listening. "Right, good. Well I'll leave you two to talk; Edward, nice to see you again. You look well."

"Thank you Mr. Swan, you too."

He kept bobbing his head up and down as he walked back through the door and shut it.

I turned to face Bella again and she was staring at me intensely.

"You were saying…?"

I looked at her, at the way she was looking at me, just like she had last night. And her lips were still a little swollen and I had to take another deep breath to stop myself from kissing her again.

"Bella!" I heard a man's voice shout down the drive way. Fuck, would _no one_ give us a second of privacy?

My head shot up to look at where the sound came from. Of course, Seth; perfect fucking timing.

Bella's head snapped around and she stood up, quickly walking over to the top of the steps. Seth jogged up the pathway and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her lips quickly.

Lucky bastard could do that whenever he wanted. I hope he appreciated that luxury. Because that's exactly what kissing Bella was – a fucking luxury.

"Oh, Edward, hi!" He said noticing my place on the bench. I stood and walked over to him, shaking his free hand, while I tried not to glare at how his other arm was wrapped around Bella's waist.

"Hey Seth, how's it going?"

"Not too bad. Bells and I are about to head up to Leah's for a Labor Day BBQ. She just had a baby, so we're going to take a peek at the little kid."

"Oh, that's great, please send her my congratulations."

"Will do." He turned to look at Bella. "You all set?"

She nodded, smiling faintly. "Yeah, my purse is inside. Let me go grab it and we can head out."

He shook his head. "Nah, I'll grab it. I want to say hi to Charlie anyway, plus you probably want to say bye to Edward right?" He asked turning to look at me before looking back at her.

"Oh, yea, right. It's um, on the sofa – thanks."

He kissed her lips quickly again and in less than a handful of steps had reached the door and closed it behind him.

She turned so she was facing me directly, rather than off to the side.

"Thank you Edward, for last night," she spoke with a hushed tone. "It was…" she smiled weakly, "well, just… thank you."

I turned my lips into my infamous half-smirk; the one she had so long ago said dazzled her and nodded. "For me too Bella, me too." And I hoped beyond all hopes that she understood. Her faint smile grew and she nodded once, before walking past me towards the door back to her life, without me.

BPOV

It had been a very emotionally draining morning, and this afternoon wasn't getting any better.

Everyone was at Leah and Paul's BBQ – including Jacob, who was well on his way to being well beyond intoxicated.

We were all hanging out in the backyard on the grass laughing over stories from high school and early college.

"Hey Paul, how come it never grossed you out what happened that summer going into your junior year of college?"

Paul raised his eyebrow and looked at Jacob. "What the fuck are you talking about bro? What thing?"

Leah walked over and sat down between Paul's legs as baby Sarah was being passed around like a new toy. Right now she was inside with Paul's parents being spoiled rotten with presents.

"I think Jake is referring to the summer of my sluttiness," she answered laughing lightly.

"Summer of sluttiness? I don't remember that," I piped in. Where the fuck was I?

"Oh, that was the summer you spent most of the break with your mom," Seth answered, rubbing my shoulders lightly.

"Yeah, you weren't around or else you may have gotten sucked into it too," Jake quipped.

I hated drunk Jake.

"I mean, hell Leah, there was what 20 guys that summer alone, not even counting the Cullen kid."

My ears perked up at the familiar last name and I felt the blood rush from my limbs.

"Um, Cullen? Which one?" I tried to ask as nonchalantly as I could.

Leah turned to look at me, looking up at the sky as if trying to remember his first name. "Um, it was… crap…"

Paul laughed at her failed memory. "Edward," he chimed in.

She turned to look at Paul and laughed. "Oh that's right. That was like _right _after he came back from Italy or wherever the fuck he was before he got turned back into a human."

"So, wait… you and Edward?" I was fucking shocked, confused, baffled. It felt like my entire world had just been turned upside down; a former vampire and a werewolf? Right and it had been too fucking dangerous for _him and me_? What the fuck?

She took a sip of her lemonade, nodding as she swallowed. "Mhm took his cherry. Poor guy didn't even last like 5 minutes. Hope he's doing better with the ladies now."

I turned to look at Seth who was laughing at a side conversation he'd been having with Sam.

"And you knew about this?"

"About what?"

"Leah and Edward."

He looked from side to side and shrugged. "Yeah, I figured you knew too. Jake knew a few weeks after it happened and you know him and his mouth; I figured you would be the first one he told. The only thing I didn't know about til you told me was that he was a human then. Up until a couple months ago, I just assumed Leah had sex with a vampire."

The entire group laughed as Leah winced in disgust. "Ew Seth, like _that_ would ever happen. I may have been a bit promiscuous that summer, but ew gross."

As the afternoon wore on I tried to shake the image of Edward and Leah from my mind, but I couldn't. The best I could do was think about Seth and how none of that bullshit with Edward mattered anymore, because I had Seth and he was always honest and simple and straightforward.

Seth and I volunteered to put Sarah down for a nap and we took turns rocking her in our arms until she finally fell asleep and we were able to put her in her crib. Seth would make a great father one day. He already made a great boyfriend and he was great with Sarah. He doted on her so much it was ridiculous. He constantly called Leah to check on Sarah and to make sure she had everything she needed.

Who needed Edward fucking Cullen when I had the perfect guy right here in front of me, loving me?

------------------

We drove back to Charlie's around 7 that evening, hoping to get a late enough start to avoid most of the traffic on the 101. He pulled in behind my car and we walked up to the house. Charlie had left a note saying he'd be at the station, but to give him a call when we got back to the city so that he knew we made it home ok.

I ran upstairs and grabbed my duffle bag, locking up the house as I stepped through the screen door.

Seth was sitting on the steps, rubbing his hands together and staring straight ahead looking deep in thought. I dropped my duffle bag to the ground and took a seat beside him, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Hey," I whispered.

"Hey."

"Everything okay? You looked like you were upset."

He shook his head. "Nah, not upset."

"Then what?"

"Just thinking about you."

I laughed silently. "And that's a bad thing?"

"No, never a bad thing. I was just thinking about how I've thought you were beautiful since the first day I saw you hanging out in Jacob's garage."

I smiled into his shoulder and kissed it softly.

"I was thinking about how I thought you were funny since our first conversation and that I've thought you were amazing since the first time we hung out with everyone at La Push back in high school."

"That _was_ awhile ago…" I said letting my mind drift back to the early days of our friendship, before a relationship with anyone, let alone Seth was the furthest thing from my mind.

I felt him reach into his pocket and pull something out. A box. Oh fuck a black velvet box. My heart started racing as he pulled back a little looking into my eyes, smiling his perfectly sweet, perfectly _Seth_ smile.

"And how I've_ known_ you were the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with since our first kiss that New Year's Day on these very steps." He opened the box displaying a perfectly cut diamond ring on a white gold or silver – I could never tell the difference – band.

"Bella… will you marry me?"


	17. Chapter 16

A/N: Thanks everyone for the reviews for the last chap! This one is ridiculously short (not even 1200 words!) and is mostly to move the plot along.

Also to answer the question a few people have asked about Seth and imprinting, for the sake of the story (and my sanity) we're going to assume that he doesn't believe that imprinting really exists.

Reviews are love just like my love for the peeps that have sent me PMs over the past few days.

SMeyer owns - that hasn't changed since my last update.

Also if you have a chance and like A/U stories please check out the semi-new story theotherbella and I are working on called **My Life Without You**.

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BPOV

My mind raced. I thought about Edward. I thought about all he and I had been through. How I had never been enough, how my love had never been enough. I thought about Seth; about how he loved me more than I deserved, about how he had been my friend and stuck by me through _everything_. I thought back to Edward. How he and I, the night before had spent hours wrapped up in each other, and he never said it. He never said what could have changed everything. I wasn't sure what I had expected him to say, but it definitely was _something_. And then I thought about him and Leah and I looked at Seth and knew he would never keep something like that from me, or ditch me, or do a complete 180 and proceed to avoid me like the plague. He would never do any of it because he was better than that; he loved me better than that.

"Yes," I breathed. "Yes, I'll marry you."

-----------------

It was weird being proposed to, slipping on a ring and proceeding to drive home alone for a few hours.

Honestly, it was more than weird; it was torture. My ring felt like it was pulsating. There was guilt for what I'd done with Edward; confusion, going back and for as to if I made the right decision and mixed emotions about the entire weekend.

God, I really knew how to screw shit up, didn't I?

An excruciating 3 hours later, I pulled into the parking garage of my apartment complex. Sitting in my car, I laid my hands flat against the steering wheel and stared at the ring. I debated driving to the hospital. What if I told Edward that I loved him? Would it change anything? Would I want it to? Ugh. I was still _so_ angry that he hadn't told me about Leah. I thought everything had been said in the meadow; it felt like he was confessing his sins to me. Maybe he didn't see Leah as a sin? Maybe just saw her as the girl he lost his virginity to. Maybe it meant nothing to him, or maybe it meant everything. Either way, I was pissed off.

He wasn't the same Edward, but my heart wouldn't let me differentiate. This new Edward did things like fuck Leah and Lauren and kept secrets. But at the same time, the new Edward's lips taste just like the old Edward's. And his touch set my body on fire just like his fingers used to.

A light rap on my window startled me back to reality. I peeked over to find Seth outside my door, motioning to the door handle. I smiled a little and opened the door as he pulled it wider so I could step out.

His body pressed mine against the side of my car and his lips found mine in record time. The entire time the voice in my head chanted _Edward was your past, Seth is your future_.

EPOV

It was nearing 2am, which meant only another hour and odd minutes left until I could go home and drown in the dysfunction that was my verbal incapability to tell Bella how I felt.

I walked from the nurse's station where I had been avoiding Lauren's gaze in an attempt to remain professional and not cause a scene at work. How, I ever thought that Lauren – even with darker hair – could replace Bella was beyond me. That seemed to have been just another bad move on my part when it came to reconnecting with her. As I approached the door where my next patient was waiting I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I reached in and fish it out noticing a text from Alice.

**It's probably best if you hear the news from me before seeing it firsthand. Call me ASAP – it's about Bella.**

Oh my god, Bella. Was she ok? What did Alice mean about hearing it from her before _seeing it_? Alice knew I was at work, had Bella been in an accident? Was she injured? I bypassed the room I was scheduled to visit, and ran out the emergency exit doors to the staircase where it was quiet and safe to use my phone. It didn't even ring once before Alice was on the other end.

"Edward, she's engaged. I saw it; well I saw her saying yes and I saw the ring. And Edward…"

But I didn't hear any of what came next. I sank against the wall and slid down until my ass hit the cool concrete floor.

My Bella Swan was on her way to being Bella Clearwater. She would never be _my Bella_ again.

I cleared my throat and choked back any tears as I pressed my ear to the receiver.

"Alice, yeah I'm here."

"Like I said, I'm sorry Edward. But I thought it was best you heard from me before you saw her and the ring. It's a beautiful ring Edward, but it's nothing like the one you were going to give her."

My jaw locked as she exposed my secret. "How did you know – wait never mind."

She laughed lightly, "Your mother's ring is beautiful Edward. Someday a girl will be honored to wear it."

"No one will wear that ring but Bella," I snapped. "If she and I never end up together, then it will be passed on to someone else, but no one else will wear it as an engagement or wedding ring from me."

I took a deep breath, thinking of the ring and of Bella. My parents would have loved her. They would have loved her compassion and warmth and humility. They would have loved her almost as much as I did.

"I have to fight, Alice."

"I know Edward, but it's not going to be easy. You've done a lot of things to make Bella second guess if you're the same person you once were. The latest stint with Lauren was obviously no help."

Hanging my head down, I nodded even though she couldn't see. "I know Alice, and I know I seem like a completely different person. Maybe I went about this all wrong…"

"You think?" she asked huffing in frustration.

I ignored her tone and ran one hand through my hair. "_Fuck_, what do I do now?"

She laughed quietly into the phone. "You might want to start with toning down the potty mouth."


	18. Chapter 17

A/N: I am exhausted. I've been up almost 24 hours... ish. So this chap probably has a bazillion typos since I'm currently beta-less. But I wanted to get it out to you lovelies since I might not have time to update til Wednesday/Thursday.

So yeah, this one is another semi-short one (less than 2k words) but the point is made and I debated writing more, but then thought better of it.

Anyway, enough about my thought process. Review and I'll post sooner rather than later - even if it cuts into my sleepy time.

And at last check SMeyer still owns.

* * *

EPOV

I had debated going by Bella's place after my shift ended (thanks to Alice texting me her address), but thought better of it when I realized that Seth would probably be there. I shuttered at the mental images that came to mind when I thought of how they were most likely celebrating their new engagement.

Instead I went back home and laid in bed, thinking of what I could do, how I could make her see that I loved her – just in case words failed me again.

------------------

After giving up on sleep around 7, I managed to get showered and dressed for the day in record time. Even with the extra effort I had put into picking out a pair of dress slacks, white button down shirt and plain skinny black tie that I'd spent forever trying to make look somewhat disheveled, it wound up taking me a little over half an hour to get ready. I waited restlessly until 10 before heading out the door to Bella's to ensure I wouldn't run into Seth; the last thing I needed to do at this point was create any more drama between them than I already had.

I walked up the stairs to Bella's apartment rather than taking the elevator. I needed as much time to think this through as I could. There was no room for error here. This was my first chance at a second one – or something.

I paced in front of Bella's door for another full minute, clutching the gift I had gotten her – my reason for coming by. I knocked on her door and let out one last deep breath. I couldn't remember the last time I had been so nervous.

"Coming!" I heard her holler on the other side of the door.

She swung open the door and did a double take. "Edward?"

I grinned and held up my gift, a book I knew she would appreciate. "Hi Bella; sorry for stopping by unannounced, but I was in your neighborhood –" I cut myself off shaking my head and holding my free hand up. "No wait, that's a lie. Alice told me about your engagement and I wanted to drop this off."

That was as close to the truth as I was going to get.

I handed her the worn book and her eyes bugged out. "Is this… Edward, I can't accept this… is it really?" Her voice trailed off as she ran her fingers over the spine and along the front cover. After a moment, her eyes looked back up at mine and they were glossy with tears.

"I just, I don't even know what to say. I don't think I can accept this, it's too much. I mean, it's a first edition…"

I laughed softly, "I should hope so. I spent years trying to find one for you."

"What? Why?"

I blushed at my own unexpected revelation. "Because I had hoped that one day I would see you again and be able to give it to you and have you respond just as you are now."

She opened the door a bit more, blushing at my response. I took a step inside without another word.

BPOV

I closed the door behind me and walked to the living room, placing the book on my coffee table before returning to the hall where Edward was looking at some photos on the wall.

"So Angela and Ben, huh?" He asked as his eyes scanned across the various frames and stopped on the group wedding photo from Angela and Ben's nuptials.

"Mhm, they're just about at their 1 year anniversary."

He let out a puff of air that sounded like a scoff. "I wouldn't have waited that long."

I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. Did he _not_ remember leaving me?

His head turned to face mine and his expression softened. "I mean…"

"Yes?"

"It's probably not the best answer, but had things… had _I_ been different back then, I would have proposed to you probably too prematurely – like at prom or something awful like that," he said laughing softly.

I smirked, "I would have turned you down and waited til you proposed on the ferry like you promised."

His face went pale. "I didn't think you heard me that day."

"Well it doesn't matter now; the past is the past, right?" I waived a hand in the air, completely oblivious to the fact that it was the same hand that held my engagement ring until I noticed Edward's eyes fixated on it.

I quickly dropped it down to my side, unsure as to why I was embarrassed by his gaze; I mean that _had_ been the reason for his visit and the gift, had it not?

His eyes snapped up to mine and he gave me a tight lipped smile. "Well, I should get going. I'm sure you have a lot of people to call with your engagement announcement."

"Oh, right. Yeah, _tons_ of phone calls to all 3 of my friends; one of whom already knows and has spread the word to you."

His smile relaxed a bit into something more genuine and I returned the grin.

"Thank you again for the gift Edward, and for thinking of me."

"Bella, I'm _always_ thinking about you. Please never assume otherwise."

I hated it when he said things like that because it just reinforced that he and I had once had something so amazing I swore it would never go away; then again 8 years ago I would have sworn _he_ would never go away. And we know how well that turned out.

Nevertheless as I walked him towards the door I felt the familiar pull that my body had towards Edward that wanted to wrap itself around him whenever he was around. And I swore he was looking at me like he used to as we stood facing each other in my hallway; like the sun rose and set with us and nothing else fucking mattered. Or maybe I was projecting and that's only how I felt. Either way it was physically painful to _not_ touch him, so I practically pounced on him wrapping my arms around his body tightly inhaling his scent; the perfect mixture of cool eucalyptus and mint filling my senses. And as I took in his smell and his warmth and let myself be okay with how much my body was screaming for him, I couldn't think of anything else. In that moment my mind didn't register his past with Leah, or his relationship with Lauren, or how he'd practically run from the room after we'd slept together. All I could think of, smell and sense was him; the way his arms snaked around my waist and held me close. The way I could feel him take a deep breath as his face pressed into my hair.

This was how it always should have been, and it killed me inside to know that it would never be like this again.

I pulled away slowly to look at him and his perfect green eyes and my brown ones roamed down to his lips, reflexively licking mine slowly and biting on them. His head moved achingly slow as his lips neared mine and my teeth released my bottom lip as his breath fanned over my lips.

My mouth was craving the taste of his, but before I could be satisfied he pulled his face away from mine. My eyes sprang open in shock. Weren't we… wasn't he just about to…

"Bella," he exhaled. "I can't, not again, not like this."

He stood up a bit straighter and ran both his hands through his messy fuck-me-now hair before turning on his heels and walking out of my apartment.

I rested my right hand on the back of my neck and leaned it back. _Well someone got their self control back, too bad it wasn't me._

---------------------------------

Around 4 I called Seth and told him I had a bunch of reading to catch up on for work and that I just needed a night to myself to catch up. Truth was I just wanted a night to unwind and not deal with anyone. He didn't mind in the least and thought it was a good idea since it was storming outside and he wanted to take the opportunity to work late to get started on the new project he'd been assigned. Apparently both of us had let our jobs feel the brunt of our relationship as of late; he was just the only one actively trying to correct it.

I spent the rest of the afternoon keeping my word, and doing some reading for my job, jotting down notes on my yellow legal pad and scribbling comments in the margins of the book when something particularly struck me. At around 8, I called the local Chinese place and ordered some Kung Pao tofu and fried rice. They informed me it would be about 45 minutes, so I relaxed back into my sofa and grabbed the book that Edward had given me this afternoon. I loved the smell and feel of old books, and I could never have too many copies of Wuthering Heights, let alone a _first_ edition. The booked open with a stiffening crack and I noticed a handwritten message on the first page.

_"I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas; they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind." – Emily Bronte_

_Bella, you have been the dream that has stayed with me ever after. You remain in my life like a dream that I can only pray was real. Freesias are no longer flowers to me; they are the very essence of you that intoxicates me. Chocolate is no longer merely a sweet, but a vivid reminder of your eyes. The sound of a heartbeat is no longer a sign of the living, but the life that you gave me when I didn't have my own._


	19. Chapter 18

So apologies a million times over for the late update. This chapter was a pain in the mother-effin ass to write; I'm not even gonna lie. I had 3 directions I played with taking it, and this is what came out. Hopefully you'll like it.

Major props goes to my Aussie sister Zephyr Girl 77 for helping me flush out my idea for this chap. You all should give her mad props, because who knows when this thing would have been done without her.

SMeyer owns my soul, and probably a portion of all of yours.

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BPOV

I sat there reading it and rereading it. His words hit me; they made an impact.

They were great, amazing, beautiful words. But they were not the ones I needed to hear.

And he hadn't said them.

I fished for my cell phone which had since gotten stuck between the couch and the cushions. Quickly I typed a Bronte message of my own and hit send before I had time to second guess myself.

If he couldn't at least say it _then_, it was obviously he didn't feel it.

EPOV

I was outside, in the rain. I couldn't take being inside with my thoughts. It seemed better to be busied with them out here despite the weather. She was my entire world. Part of my thought process this afternoon was how in the hell I'd managed to go the past 4 years without her. I felt a buzz in my pock and pulled out my phone to find a message from Bella.

**Having leveled my palace, don't erect a hovel and complacently admire your own charity in giving me that for a home. **

My note hadn't been enough.

BPOV

Edward never responded to my text and at a few points that evening I had to check to make sure it had gone through.

It had, and he hadn't replied.

Story of our fucking lives. I had loved him; he hadn't let that been enough. I had wanted to wait for him; he hadn't waited for me. I had always wanted him forever; he hadn't wanted me for more than a night.

No matter what his words may have said, actions spoke louder. And the silence was deafening.

-------------------

It had been over three hours since I had sent the message and I'd spent the entire time nibbling on what had turned into cold Chinese food and trying to distract myself with bad late night TV.

It wasn't working and around midnight I finally gave up and walked into my bedroom to get ready for bed. I left my yoga pants on and threw a blue hoodie over my head. It was still pouring out and despite the heater being on; I knew I'd be freezing once I got into bed.

Once I was done changing, I made my way through the apartment turning out all the lights. Just as I was walking through the hall back to my room for the night, I heard a soft rap on the door.

It was past midnight, who the fuck would be at the door? My heart stopped as I wondered if it was Edward. I opened the door without checking; a murderer or rapist would never _knock_, right?

There standing in the doorway was a very soaked Seth Clearwater. He always knew when to be here. How hard to push and when; it was like he had a sixth sense about these things.

I giggled at his disheveled appearance and pulled him by his damp button down shirt into my apartment.

SPOV

I woke up with the hood of Bella's sweatshirt jabbing me in the chest. Hadn't that been removed at some point last night along with the rest of her clothes? My arms were casually draped around her, pulling her body close to mine even while unconscious.

Truth be told, I was worried Bella would be angry for my unexpected visit last night. She had clearly stated she wanted time to herself yesterday but I couldn't, not after being away from her almost all weekend and having just proposed.

My head was still swimming as I wrapped my hand around one of hers and felt the ring press into my fingers. She loved me enough to want to spend the rest of her life with me.

Nothing else mattered, not how she had kind of freaked out after hearing about Leah and Edward, or the insinuations Charlie had made about her only loving Edward. None of it mattered because she had chosen me.

I begrudgingly sat up and rolled out of bed to get dressed so I could head home and change before going into the office. I envied Bella at times, for having a career that allowed her to more or less set her own hours and work from home.

"Bells," I whispered in her ear after I had gotten changed.

"Mmm..?" She groaned, not opening her eyes.

"Baby, I have to go. I'll see you tonight?"

Her eyes opened slowly and she smiled a little, nodding. "Mmk," she confirmed her voice full of sleep.

I kissed her lips softly once, than twice. I just couldn't get enough of her. "Love you," I whispered against her lips as I gave her a chaste third kiss.

As I walked out of her room, I turned to look at her once more. She had fallen back asleep and her hair fanned out over her pillow.

Looking at her I wasn't sure how I got so lucky, but I wasn't going to question it. What I did know was that I couldn't wait for her to be my wife.

-------------------------

BPOV

I woke up to the sound of my cell phone ringing obnoxiously loud. "Hello?" I murmured into the receiver.

"Bella?"

"Oh hey Angela," I said as I stifled a yawn.

"Did I wake you?" She asked sounding concerned.

I glanced at the alarm clock – nearly 10. "No," I lied. "I was just relaxing."

"Oh good, I'm glad. Hey listen, Ben and I are going to be coming up to Seattle for a few days and I wanted to see if you two wanted to meet for dinner."

Us two? Who, me and Edward or me and Seth? Fuck, why was this even a _question_?

"Who, us two?"

"You and Seth, silly. Who else would be your #2?"

I had to hide the laughter that threatened to escape; _technically_ he had been my number 1.

"I wasn't sure if you meant Seth or Edward."

"Edward?!" She screeched. "Since when do _you_ see Edward?"

Fuck, it _had_ been a while since we'd last talked. "Um, actually it's kind of a funny story…" I began relaying the details of every moment spent with Edward – including the night in the cottage – to Angela in dramatic detail.

"Wow…" she said once I had taken a deep breath, indicating I was finished.

"Yeah, I know."

"And you haven't heard back from him since your text?"

"Nope."

"Jesus Bella, we don't talk for two months and your life turns into The Young and The Restless."

"Or in my case The Young and the Stupid," I said snorting at my own joke.

She laughed quietly, as she usually does when she doesn't know what to say to one of my self deprecating statements.

"Well honestly, I'd love to see all of you guys – obviously not both of them at once, for your sake," she chided.

"Ha, yeah, thanks for taking that into consideration."

"So how about dinner with Seth tomorrow night, and you let us know what works best for Edward's schedule. I still can't get over that he's a doctor like his dad."

"I can; the sciences always came easily to him."

"Yeah, I guess. I just can't picture him… _older_, you know? He's like forever 17 in my head."

I couldn't help the laugh that escaped me. "I know _exactly_ what you mean."

"Alright, well we've got to finish packing and get on the road. We'll be there tonight so give me a call and let me know about Edward; I know Ben would love to see him."

"I will. Drive safe, see you soon."

"Thanks Bells, bye."

I closed my phone and let out a slow exhale. I debated whether to text Edward or call him about Ben and Angela's upcoming visit.

After showering, tidying up the house and cranking out two reviews for the paper, I still wasn't sure. Finally, I just threw up my hands, picked up the phone and called.

One and a half rings. Edward couldn't answer a text message in less than 24 hours, but he could answer his phone in less than 2 rings.

"Bella," his voice panted. He sounded like he had either run for the phone or had just finished a workout. I hated the way he said my name; it brought back memories of _that_ night and a chill ran down my spine at the thought.

"Hi Edward," I said, trying to remaining monotone.

"How are you?"

"I'm doing well, yourself?"

"Alright, all things considered." Well what the fuck did _that_ mean?

"Um, did you get my text last night?" I asked, clicking the pen in my hand repeatedly.

"Yes, I did."

Silence. _Awkward_.

"Right, well, good. I wanted to make sure. I've been hearing from people that they haven't been getting messages from me." Lie, blatant fucking lie.

"Oh, well, yes, I did receive your message."

"Well good," I took a deep breath trying to shake away the tears that had begun to pool in my eyes. "Anyway, I got a phone call from Angela today. I told her that you and I had run into each other. She said she'd love for the four of us to meet up for coffee or something while they're here."

"You told her you _ran_ into me?"

I nodded, knowing that he couldn't see me. "Mhm. She mentioned that Ben would be happy to see you again, since they haven't seen you since your last summer in Forks."

"Is that okay with you, me tagging along?" He voice had dropped and he sounded torn, like he wasn't sure what the right answer was.

"It's not tagging along if you're invited Edward."

"Still, I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"Its fine," I waived off. So when are you free?"

"When will they be here?" Oh, right _tiny_ detail.

"They're driving up this afternoon and will be around from tonight until Thursday; so two full days."

"Is tomorrow afternoon too soon? I work the 3 to 3 tonight, but tomorrow afternoon would work. Say, around noon? We could all have lunch."

I wanted to laugh at his planning skills. Then again, your life would have to be pretty organized if you worked 12 hour shifts 6 days a week.

"I think that should be okay. Let's plan on that and if anything changes once I've talked to Angela, I'll let you know."

"Okay, sounds good."

"Okay."

Silence, yet again an incredibly awkward moment.

"Okay, well I should run… I have um… reviews to write."

"Oh, of course, sorry Bella. If I haven't said it already, thank you again for inviting me."

"I didn't, Angela did."

"Oh, right. Well then, please thank Angela for me when you talk to her."

"I will. See you tomorrow Edward."

"Bye Bella."


	20. Chapter 19

A/N: Kay, so not gonna lie: I've been kinda immersed in _'My Life Without You'_, the story I'm co-writing with **theotherbella**. Plus I've had severe writer's block when it came to this fic so rather than put out crap right away, I thought you guys would rather wait for something better. So hopefully this is the 'something better'.

A super big THANKYOUSOFRIGGINMUCH goes out to my new and totally awesome beta **neonapple**. She's the cat's meow, duh.**  
**

I still don't own these characters, however much I wish I did, they're the product of SMeyer's dream or something.

Reviews are love. If someone could explain the difference between a fan-fiction lime and lemon, I'd be so grateful I'd make you a fruit salad.

No joke.

**EPOV**

Well fuck! I was irritated. How could Bella be so… _abrasive_? She sent the message. I obviously got it and that's why I hadn't responded. I got the message loud and clear. She thought my note was worthless. I understood but Christ, there was only so much I could do in a single night! I hadn't formed the next step yet. Sure, I could have just gone over there and you know, told her I loved her more than anything in this lifetime. But that would have been too easy. Obviously I liked doing things the hard way.

God, my family was right. I _had _turned into a dumb ass!

The truth was that the only reason I hadn't worked up the nerve to tell Bella initially had been for fear of rejection. What if all that she'd been attracted to turned out to be my vampire qualities?

And everything just escalated from there. Once I found out she had a boyfriend, I worried that she would be in love with him and not love me anymore. When that had been confirmed, we slept together and it felt like she was letting the last piece of me go. She'd finally gotten me out of her system and I was only starting to get her back into mine.

So, I almost told her, right then and there. If I told her after we had sex then it had to be the truth. Maybe she would believe me, since we had already slept together. My words would mean more and not like I was just trying to 'get in her pants', right? Wrong. Her overprotective dad ruined the moment and then of course her boyfriend, who embodies everything I'm not, tanned and built like a fucking champ – took his turn to interrupt us.

Next thing I know she was engaged! I mean seriously, am I _that_ bad in bed? So now, not only did she love Seth _instead_ of me, but also she loved him _more_ than she ever loved me, because she had agreed to spend the rest of her life with him.

Which brought us back to the text message and its outcome. Did I expect the response I received? Sure. Did I like it? No. Had I hoped for something different? Obviously, otherwise I wouldn't have written the note in the first place. But there it was, loud and clear. I had broken her. I had broken _us_ beyond repair. It would take more than just a silly quote to fix it.

Yea, my life's a real sob story. A guy, who got to have sex with the most beautiful girl in the world, and then never even, had to commit. Yeah, I know that's every guy's wet dream.

Except, I love that girl and I _want_ to be committed to her - for the rest of my life.

**BPOV**

That night, Seth and I met at his place for takeout and a movie. We traded takeout cartons, as we watched my favorite Disney Movie, _Anastasia_.

"I don't get it! He's completely enamored with her since childhood and yet he doesn't make a move until his ego is the size of the USSR!" Seth complained as he chewed on some cashew chicken.

"That's not the point. The point is that he's loved her since his youth. He never felt like he _deserved_ her, because he wasn't royalty like she was. Now, he feels like he's come up enough to where he could possibly deserve her … maybe."

Seth shook his head laughing a little. "Women and their cartoon romances."

"Hey!" I exclaimed, throwing my fortune cookie at him. It bounced off his chest and he chuckled even more.

----------------------------------------------------

"So, I talked to Angela today." I mentioned casually, as I got up to clear the boxes from the coffee table.

"Oh yea? How is she? Are she and Ben doing okay?"

"She's good. They're fine, as far as I could tell. They're actually coming up for a few days. They wanted us to meet them for dinner tomorrow night." I heard his footsteps creak over the hardwood floors closer to where I was rinsing off the silverware in the sink.

"What time?"

"I'm not sure. Probably around 6 or 7?"

He frowned and sighed. "I don't think I'm going to be able to make it. I'm still playing catch up on the research for the next pitch. I was lucky that I got out before 10 tonight. I don't know that I'll be so lucky tomorrow."

I pouted a little and shrugged. "It's okay. It _is_ kind of short notice. I'll just let her know, it'll be 3 instead of 4."

He moved closer and wrapped his arms around me, kissing my forehead. "I'm sorry Bells. I really wish I could go with you."

I shook my head and smiled. "No worries Seth, it's completely understandable, next time then. Or hey, maybe we can do a weekend trip down to Portland to visit them soon."

He pressed me tighter against him and nodded. "That sounds like a great idea."

----------------------------------

The next morning I got up with Seth at the ungodly hour of 5am. He wanted to go to the gym before work and hadn't made me a key to his place yet, so I had to leave when he did. The sky had been dark and dreary, since we got back to Seattle. While this was the norm, it didn't make it any more enjoyable.

I was back at my place by 5:30, and ran to my bed to try and get at least 3 more hours of sleep. Unfortunately, my body decided to be restless and not let me. So after an hour of staring up at the ceiling, I got my butt out of bed and started getting ready for the day.

The problem with getting up at 6:30, when you normally don't wake up until 9:30, is you run out of things to do by 10. Fortunately, I was so nervous that I wound up trying on nearly everything I owned. This was not me, definitely _anti-Bella_. But there I was trying on clothes I didn't even remember I had purchased. God this felt like a double date or something.

I threw myself backwards onto my bed, clutching a pair of jeans. Why was I doing this? Why was I going on this kind-of-but-not-really double date with Edward Cullen? I was engaged to someone, who clearly was _not_ Edward Cullen! Ugh, hopefully this would be my last run in with him, so I could finally forget he existed all over again. I could go back to my pre-Edward reunion life.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized how relaxing my life was without Edward in it, as compared to now. How simple it seemed, almost refreshing. Everything was clear, and easy. Right now though, it was muddy and upside down. I didn't like it one bit. Okay, maybe I liked it _one_ bit. Nevertheless, Edward could not get out of my life fast enough.

**EPOV**

Bella had sent me a text earlier that morning. She said, we would all meet at her place at 12 and settle on a restaurant from there. I had spent far too long getting ready. I showered _twice_ for god's sake! The second time was after I paced around my room and thought too much about Bella and _that_ night. And well, it got me a little too worked up.

I wasn't sure, if I should dress up since I had to go into work later that afternoon. I didn't want to have to come home to change. Maybe I should just bring clothes with me to change at the hospital. I finally settled on a black t-shirt, dark wash jeans, and a gray cardigan. I would change once I got to work.

Before I left, I hadn't looked at the clock. So when I glanced at my cell phone as I approached Bella's door, I mentally cursed myself. It was _barely_ 11. Despite the early hour and before I could decide to turn around and walk to a café for an hour, I knocked anyway.

She swung open the door and took a deep breath, as she ran her fingers through her hair nervously. "Hi."

I peeked inside. "I'm not _too_ early, am I?"

She shook her head, opening the door wider and ushering me inside. "No, no I was just… well, trying on clothes."

I tilted my head to the side and turned to face her, grinning from ear to ear. "You were what?"

Huffing, she closed the door and stood inches from me. "Don't give me that look Edward! I can play dress up with my clothes, if I want to. I'm a grown woman."

"Oh, so we've gone from trying on clothes to playing _dress up_?" I teased.

She rolled her eyes and gave me the bird. "Whatever. Just make yourself at home. I'll be out in a sec."

I walked over to her couch and plopped down. She sauntered to her bedroom and shut the door. Well this _definitely_ felt like a date. I debated being a complete idiot and texting her from here, to ask if she felt the same awkwardness. I flipped open my phone scrolling to her number, when the device vibrated to notify me I had a message. I clicked "read" and laughed.

A text from Bella: **Don't laugh when I come out.**

What? Why would I laugh?I quickly texted back to her.

**Why? Are you wearing a chicken suit?**

Her reply text was just as prompt: **Worse. Just promise me, okay?**

What could be worse or more hilarious than a chicken suit?** Fine I promise**.

A few minutes later, I heard her door open and my head spun around to check out the amusing ensemble. Only, it wasn't funny. It was fucking sexy. Bella stood in a dark purple dress, which reached a little above mid thigh and a pair of black ballet flats.

I couldn't help it. I gaped at her.

Her face flushed and she bit her lip. "You promised you wouldn't laugh."

My body rose up from the couch. Before I knew what I was doing, I was standing millimeters from her. "Do I look like I'm amused?" I whispered my voice low and husky.

She shook her head looking up at me with wide eyes. "No. Um… it's just…" I saw her throat move as she swallowed. "Alice bought this for me and said I should wear it today… but I told her it was way too short and that you'd laugh because it's something I'd _never_ wear... and you'd think that I was trying to impress you or that this was a date or something, and shit... did I say that out loud?"

She paused, sucking her bottom lip into her mouth.

My eyes darted to her pink lips. The electricity between us was palpable. I wanted to kiss her. I _needed_ to kiss her. She glanced up at me through her eyelashes and if I didn't know better, it looked like she wanted the same thing.


	21. Chapter 20

K lemme get the boring part out of the way. I don't own these characters: never have, don't now, never will. They all belong to SMeyer. If you don't know that by now, chances are I hate you.

NOW! Onto the good stuff. First, you all need to thank my beta **neonapple** for pulling out the big guns and turning this shit into something easily readable. Because seriously I have no fucking clue what the diff is between a comma and a semi-colon aside from what they look like.

Also, please don't hate me. If you're a Team Edward you'll hate me; if you're Team Seth you'll still hate me. Just please _please_ hang in there. I have ideas up here *taps forehead*

Reviews are love, even if they're just hate mail.

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**BPOV**

I looked up at him. Christ, Edward was perfect! I could claim all I wanted, that he was different, that he was a man-slut, who fucked girls like Lauren, and gave it up so easily to his family's enemies, like Leah. I could scream at him for leaving and for lying to me for 8 years about … everything. I could be nauseated at the thought, that he'd kept becoming a human again a secret from me for four years. No one would challenge, that I had every reason in the world to hate Edward.

But I saw how he looked at me now and saw the way his hand had slid up to wrap around my cheek, as if in slow motion. Then I l felt his thumb as it brushed a jolt of piercing energy against my lips, which made me see that he was _my_ Edward too. He was the one that kissed my forehead and held me, when I was sick. He was still the one that saved me from the oncoming van. He would always be the one that moved heaven and earth to keep me safe… the one that I loved.

Oh god.

I was in love with Edward Cullen ... again.

**EPOV**

Her lips parted and she laid an open mouth kiss on my thumb, as it ran over her lips. My thumb moved away from her lips down her cheek and her neck, to where my entire hand had slid. I slowly lowered my face to hers, lightly brushing my nose against hers, before placing a gentle lingering kiss on her lips. I let my lips rest on hers for a moment. I enjoyed the lightness of her full lips and the way they felt, so incredibly soft against my own. My lips parted against hers and I surrounded them around her upper lip sucking gently. Our lips moved fluidly together and I felt her hands tangle in my hair. She griped the strands tightly, as I darted my tongue into her mouth. Her tongue vibrated, as she moaned and surrendered into the kiss. I thought I was going to cum right there.

My hands slid down to her hips and bunched up the fabric in my hands, as I pinned her against the nearest wall. Her lips pulled away from mine and we both stared at each other, panting.

"I know this is completely inappropriate, wrong, and probably will just fuck everything up even more, but..." She said, hesitantly. "I need you ... please don't make me beg." She whispered, as her chest continued to rise and fall quickly.

It was wrong. I should stop. I should be a fucking gentleman for once. My brain wrestled with the idea and my lips lowered to her ear.

"Bella, anything you ever want or need I will always give."

She turned her face to meet my own and her lips pressed to mine lightly. I felt her hands slide from my hair and noticed as they moved under her dress pushing her underwear down. My own hands didn't budge from her hips. She quickly glided her hands over my erection to unbutton my jeans and tug them down with my boxers. I was almost embarrassed at how hard I was. I would have been, had Bella not smiled approvingly at the sight of my length. Her body slumped down and caught me off guard.

"What... what are y-you doing?" I stuttered.

Her hand wrapped around my cock and she looked up at me with wide innocent eyes. "I want to taste you." She cooed, before sliding her tongue flatly against the tip of my head.

"Fuck..." I gasped, lolled my head back, and closed my eyes.

Her hand began pumping up and down on my dick, as her lips wrapped around my tip.

"Bella... fuck... god damn..." I hissed and bit my lip and involuntarily. My hips involuntarily thrusted forward, so she took more of my cock in her hot mouth. As I felt her take more of me in, I gripped one hand in her hair. She felt amazing. Her mouth was hot and wet. She was sucking me so hard, I had to open my eyes to make sure she was okay, breathing wise.

Bad. Fucking. Idea.

She was staring up at me innocently as my dick moved in and out of her mouth. "Fuck Bella.. that feels.. mmmm..." I closed my eyes tightly biting my lip again. "Fuck you feel good," I hissed. I gasped as I felt her run her nails over the base of my dick lightly. She hummed as I thrusted more of my cock into her mouth and my hand twisted her hair even harder.

"Fuck Bella… that feels… Mmmm..." I closed my eyes tightly and bit my lip again. "Fuck, you feel good!" I gasped, as I felt her run her nails over the base of my length lightly. She hummed, as I thrusted my cock deeper into her mouth. My hand twisted her hair even harder.

"Fuck Bella! I'm gonna ... Where do you want me to...?" My voice trailed off, as I tried to ignore how incredible her lips felt wrapped around me. It was all over, when her other hand came up and grabbed the side of my hip and thrust me all the way down her throat.

"Ohhhh ... Fuuuuuck! Bella ... Bella... Bella..." I chanted breathlessly, as my dick went completely rigid and cum spilled into her mouth. I slid my dick out and opened my eyes to look down at her. Well didn't she look fucking smug? She was sitting back on her heels, as she looked up at me with a devilish grin as she licked her lip.

"Fuck did you...?" I ran a hand through my hair trying to wrap my head around the idea of my sweet little Bella _swallowing_ my cum. She stood up. Her face did not hide her glow. _What_? _She was fucking glowing from sucking _me _off_? _What the hell? _

"I don't see a mess around here. Do you?" She asked raising an eyebrow.

"That..." my voice trailed off. _Bella fucking sucked my dick and drank my cum. Holy fucking shit. _My eyes narrowed and her face fell.

"What? Did I... Did you not like it?"

I smirked and picked her up to step quickly into her bedroom.

"Edward, what are you doing?" She asked me looking bewildered, as I tossed her like a rag doll onto her bed.

"I want to thank you..." I responded, my voice low and husky.

Her chest moved up and down quickly, almost immediately. "Edward, you don't... I didn't do that so you would..." Her voice faltered. I grabbed her by her ankles and scooted her closer to the edge of the bed, where I was kneeling.

"I know love." I whispered as I kissed up her right thigh. "But now it's my turn. I want to taste you and feel you shudder with ecstasy onto my tongue."

My lips pressed against her opening and I took a deep breath, reveling in her scent. Bella moaned and lifted her hips at my touch. "Bella, love. Please stay still." I murmured into her soaking pussy. My tongue darted out and licked from the bottom of her pussy to the top of her mound. Of course Bella would be fucking waxed. She was perfect in every damn way. Why would this part of her be any different? My hands spread her thighs a little further apart and I looked up at her. Her eyes were shut.

"Bella, open your eyes." I whispered.

Her eyes opened lazily and she bit her lip.

"Bella watch me. Watch me fuck your wet pussy with my tongue."

She exhaled a moan and nodded.

I smiled and lowered my face back down to my prize. I licked and sucked on her folds. She was mewing and moaning at various volumes. The sounds coming out of her were just egging me on and I finally pushed my tongue deep into her center.

"OH FUCK, EDWARD!" She screamed arching her hips.

Bingo.

I grinned into her pussy and continued thrusting and sucking on her dripping center. My tongue grazed upward towards her mecca and wrapped around her swollen clit. I slid two fingers deep inside of her, bending them to her G spot. Her hips started to buck and her moans grew louder. My lips sucked on her clit harder and I pumped my fingers in and out of her hard and deep.

"Tell me what you need, Bella," I spoke forcefully.

"YOU! FUCK EDWARD! I NEED YOU!"

"What do you need from me?"

"YOU! FUCK! OH MY GOD EDWARD... MMMM!" She screamed incoherently, shoving her hips down to meet my fingers.

"Tell me what you need Bella or I'll stop." I demanded, of course this was a bluff. As I looked at her now, I knew I couldn't.

Her eyes opened again and she bit her lip. She looked at me shyly. Her voice was barely above a whisper, as she spoke. "You Edward, I want you. I want your cock."

I smirked and withdrew my fingers. I shrugged out of my sweater and quickly discarded my t-shirt. She followed my lead and tossed the washcloth of a dress onto the floor. I moved to lay above her, careful not to crush her. My dick twitched, as it rubbed against Bella's wet pussy and we both groaned. I hitched one of her legs up against my hip and slid into her slowly. I enjoyed the feeling of how her hot tightness felt as it gripped my cock. My forehead leaned against hers, as we panted and I let her adjust to my size.

"Bella." I whispered into her ear. "How do you want this?"

Her lips connected with my earlobe and she tugged at it with her teeth. "Fuck me Edward. I know you want to. Fuck me hard, and explode in me."

Holy shit. Bella just... holy shit. I looked up at her to make sure I'd heard correctly. She had her lower lip between her teeth but she was smirking.

"What?" She asked innocently. "You don't want to fuck me so hard I, how did you say, _milk your cock_?" Her lip was quickly pulled back between her lips as she smiled. How did she do that? How did she manage to say the dirtiest, sexiest fucking thing but then turn around and look so innocent.

"God Bella..." I huffed and pressed my lips to hers. I moved both of my hands down to her hips to push myself into her even further. My hands and hips worked her body, guiding me into her hard and fast as she writhed beneath me.

"Fuck... Edward... " She moaned arching her back up. I grunted and continued pounding into her. Fuck, every inch of her felt amazing. One of my hands trailed from her hips and rested on the top of her mound, my thumb dipping down and rubbing her clit firmly.

"Ohhh, yes! Fuck Edward... cum in me... I need it! I need _you!"_

Shit, I was going to out-orgasm her 2:0 if she didn't cum soon. I rubbed harder and suddenly remembered, what set her off last time. I moved my face to her shoulder and brushed my nose against her neck.

"You make my body come alive Bella. Cum on my dick. I need it the way you need me." I whispered and roughly bit the spot, where her neck met her shoulder. Her hips thrusted up to slam into mine, as they came down and her pussy gripped my cock like a vice. It didn't stand a fucking chance. I poured myself into her, both of us gasping for air.

**BPOV**

Edward rolled off of my sweaty body to lie on his back beside me.

I was cursing myself for letting it happen again. _Letting it Bella, really? You _instigated _it!_ Fucking stupid conscience. I did have to admit, I was proud of myself for not shouting. "Edward I love you!" repeatedly, as he fucking worked his sex magic on my body, because I almost did say that about 50 times. I rolled onto my side to face him and he did the same. His hand moved to rest on my hip and he stared at me, as if he were trying to figure me out. Yeah, you and me both, I felt like saying. Then my face fell as I thought of what this could and ultimately would, do to Seth.

"What's wrong Bella?" He asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

I sighed. "I just... I don't know how to do this."

"Do what?"

My eyes darted to his and fuck, if I didn't want to crawl into a hole and die. "I don't know how to be near you and..."

"And what?" He persisted.

"And not _want_ you." I admitted. "It's like, when you're around me, my body's hyper aware that you're nearby and it has to touch you."

"Oh." He replied, his voice falling. Fuck I made him sad by telling him I wanted him _all_ the fucking time. I probably sounded ridiculously needy. Great.

"I'm sorry. I wish I could stop it. If there were a pill or a shot or something, I would take it. It's not like it's good for _either _of us_,_ for _me_ to feel like this."

"What?"

"I mean, it can't be good for you, since you're with Lauren. I am jeopardizing my relationship with this, but also yours and Lauren's..."

"What? What relationship?" He looked completely confused.

"You and Lauren." I said, speaking slowly. Jesus, was he daft?

He chuckled softly. "Bella, Lauren and I broke up."

My eyes went wide in shock. "What?"

His laughter grew as he nodded. "Yeah, and technically we were never _really_ together."

After a moment, his face dropped and he looked concerned. "But you're right. This isn't good for you. _I'm_ not good for you. This isn't good for you and Seth."

I wanted to tell him, he was wrong. I wanted to tell him, if he said he'd take me back I'd drop everything, because somehow I had become _that_ Bella again.

Edward sat up and turned to place his feet on the ground. "Bella, I seem to always destroy whatever is good in your life." He murmured hanging his head down. "I thought that it was because of me being a vampire but now I'm seeing that it might just be _me_, who I am, the figure I'll always be in your life. I'll always be the tornado of a person, that comes into your life abruptly only to fuck everything up..."

"... and then you leave," I finished, my voice small. He couldn't do this again. He couldn't be the one to walk away. I thought it was finally _my _turn. Only, I wasn't sure I wanted to anymore.

He turned his head back to face me. His expression was pained. "Only, so you can rebuild." He stood up and walked over to the doorway and dressed slowly.

"I won't wreck your life anymore Bella. I'm sorry. I shouldn't... I'm sorry you ran into Alice again and I'm sorry that it lead to you and I meeting again."

"What if I'm not?" I piped up.

"Well you _should_ be."

I watched him slid the black t-shirt over his head and sighed. "Bella it's just... it's _obvious_ that it doesn't matter... that how I feel..." He sighed again and pinched the bridge of his nose. "That despite everything, you and I _aren't_ supposed to be together."

In that moment all I could do was stare at him.

"I'm... I'll go..." He said as he grabbed his sweater, turned to leave and walk out of my fucking life, yet _again_.

He paused as he rounded the corner and opened his mouth, but I shook my head. Nothing he could say would make me feel better. He let out a breath, nodded once, and turned to leave.

Edward was gone. It felt like that September in Forks all over again. However this time I had been right, he was _exactly_ the same Edward from all those years ago.

My heart definitely couldn't tell the difference and neither could my tears.


	22. Chapter 21

What the eff is this? Two chapters in ONE night? Someone must have slipped me something.

Anyway, I'm personally getting kinda woozy from all the angst. Thinking about doing a 1-shot tonight (seriously, this is how I spend my exciting Saturday nights...) to break out the **fluff**enutter.

Yeah nothing's changed since the last update a couple hours ago. SMeyer still owns. I still like reviews...

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**EPOV**

I ran outside and leaned up against the side of her building. What the fuck was I doing?

No, seriously what the _fuck_ was I doing? This wasn't fighting for her. This wasn't showing her I loved her. This was doing the complete opposite of that, in fact. I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes, thinking of what I should do.

"Edward?" I heard a woman's voice shout from down the street. I opened my eyes to find a slightly aged Ben and just as cute and young looking Angela walking towards me. I pushed off the wall and turned to face them as they approached me.

"Hey Angela… Ben." I extended my hand towards Ben and he shook it firmly.

"Edward, it's been awhile. How are you?" He asked.

"Doing alright, you know. More or less of the same ol' stuff I was doing back in Forks."

"Except for the whole becoming a doctor part – Bella told us," Angela interjected.

I smiled and nodded. "Right, minor detail."

"Miniscule," she grinned.

And maybe it was Angela's confirmation that Bella had told her something more than just 'I ran into him', or maybe it was that she told them just about the only thing I had recently realized I'd done _right_ since I met Bella, but it hit me.

The only way out was through.

"Hey guys, do you think you could give me like… 5 minutes up there. I just need to speak with Bella privately for a moment."

They turned to face each other and shrugged. "Sure, just have one of you text us when you two are done. We'll be over at Starbucks." Ben said point to the coffeehouse across the street.

"Okay, great. Thanks guys." I said, back peddling towards the door.

I took the steps two at a time, trying to get to her before I lost my nerve.

My fist pounded on her door rapidly. "Bella!" I yelled, hoping she would still open the door if she knew it was me on the other side.

"No Edward, you said enough today. I understood perfectly. Please leave."

Fuck.

"Bella please let me in. I… just, please." I begged, knocking my forehead against the door.

I heard nothing, but I couldn't stop this now. I had come too far. I'd hurt both of us too much.

"It's just…I know I've fucked up. That I've consistently done nothing but hurt you since the moment we met. But the fact of the matter is I'm selfish Bella. And so I need to say this now, since I have been giving myself excuse after excuse as to why I shouldn't. But it all comes down to being selfish and fucking scared. But here I go, okay? And you can take it or leave it but I need to say it because I've hit a point where I can't go another fucking day without saying it.

Bella, in case it wasn't clear today, the other day, or at any point since I saw you at Alice's store, I am still very much in love with you. In fact, I'm so in love with you that I can barely fucking breathe and quite frankly it's driving me insane and I'm pretty sure that I'll never _really_ be happy again – to any capacity – unless you're mine and I'm yours again."

I took a deep breath. I didn't even know if she was fucking listening but I had to get it out. I had to _try _and hope she was listening.

"Bella, being with you has made me feel more human than even simply _being_ human does, because when I love you, I don't just love you; I love _with you_, and I love how it feels knowing that you love me, no matter how undeserving of it I am. And I think you might love me too, but I'm not sure _how_ it is that you do. And maybe I'm completely off point and my perception skills are horrible now that I've _changed_, but I'm hoping for the best, because Bella..." I closed my eyes and tugged at the hair on the back of my head trying to keep my tears from flowing and interrupting all that had to be said.

"Christ Bella if you let me, I will love you longer, better and more ardently than any person has ever loved another."

**BPOV**

I gasped at his words.

I had been sitting with my legs crossed on the other side of the door listening to every word. His words flew around over and over again, to the point that I had almost made myself dizzy.

He loved me. He loved me. He loved me.

"Bella, please." He whined.

I stood up and wiped the last of my tears away off my cheeks. I sniffled, stood up straight and took a quiet deep breath before opening the door.

"What Edward?" My voice was soft and sounded exasperated.

He looked startled and took a step back from the door. His eyes were red and glassy and he stared at me not saying a word. He ran a hand through his hair seeing an identical set of just as red and glassy eyes staring back at him. "See, this is why…"

"Why _what_ Edward? I have neither the time nor energy to play games with you anymore." I closed my eyes. I couldn't look at him if he was going to say despite everything he just said he was leaving _again_. Once was enough for today, and twice was enough for a lifetime.

"Can we just talk for a minute? Please?" His voice sounded even more desperate without the door to muffle his pitch. He looked at me with eyes that expressed sadness, as if I'd ripped _his_ heart out.

No, that wasn't fucking fair. He had, just minutes ago said that he was leaving my life again. He had _no right_ to look at me like I just killed everything between us. He did it; _he_ was the murderer in this.

"I'll talk to you Edward, I'll fucking tell you _anything_. I'll tell you about how you and I just had _sex _in the bed that I share with my fiancé, and I didn't _once _think about him. I'll tell you about how FUCKED UP that is for me to do. And I'll even tell you that I didn't regret it for a second until 15 minutes ago when you fucking walked out of my life AGAIN. We can TALK ABOUT how I found out _you_ fucked Leah Clearwater after you got back. And how you sought her out after what, a few weeks, but not me _once_ in four years…" I seethed, my voice coming out in angry gasps.

He looked at me, shocked. His eyes turned into something harder, angrier.

"Bella, I just told you that I _love you_. That I want to spend the rest of my life with you! Kissing you, making love to you, having children and growing home… with you! And instead of responding to any of _that_ you bring up Leah? What difference does that make? So my first time wasn't with you. Do I regret it now? Yes! Is that what you need to hear? To hear that I wish I could have had the fucking balls to find you when I got back instead of fucking Leah after knowing her essentially 2 fucking weeks? Fine, I regret it! I regret every girl I've ever slept with that wasn't you. If that wasn't painfully aware in my earlier confession, I'm sorry. I thought it was _implied_."

"You know what Edward, fuck you. Just… _fuck you._ You know, after today I'm beginning to think that maybe your vampire charms _had_ worked on me. Maybe it was only parts of who you were _then_ that lured me in and dazzled me. Maybe it was never _who you were,_ because honestly, _honestly_ right now you're fucking making me sick."

I took a deep breath and stepped closer to him, his face inches from mine.

"How can you fucking talk to me like that? How can you be so _mean_ about it? I was prepared to give up _everything_ for you before you disappeared. I was prepared to say goodbye to my family, to the life I had known, to fucking _everything_. And you LEFT ME. And then you come back and instead of looking for me, instead of missing me so much it fucking _killed you_ like it killed me, you thrived. You fucking gave it up to the first girl that caught your eye.

I looked down at the ground, my voice barely above a whisper as I tried to get out what I finally needed to say, what I'd needed to say "I mean you didn't even love me enough to come back for me…"

"Bella." He said, his own voice softening as one of his hands reached up and brushed the side of my neck.

I wanted to sink into his touch, to tell him all was forgiven. But I couldn't.

"No Edward, just… don't." I replied as I backed away from the door and his touch. I closed it shut and got what I wanted.

_I walked away from Edward Cullen_.


	23. Chapter 22

A/N: This chapter is long overdue, and too short. I know I know... but it's a filler chapter to prepare you for what's a'comin.

In the meantime, I haven't been a lazy person... well not a lazy fic co-author at least. Theotherbella and I just started another fic together called Secrets: Yours, Mine and Ours so checkity check it out if you have a chance!

Reviews are love and SMeyer still owns all the characters involved and all Twi-rights.

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EPOV

It had been 18 days since I had seen Bella. Nearly 3 weeks since I'd told her I was in love with her and things turned out even worse than the worst case scenario in my head. Alice had tried to empathize but her words just fueled my sadness.

"Edward, you know that I know these things. It'll get better."

"Bella hasn't responded to any of my texts."

Her eyes softened and she placed her hand on top of mine as she sat across from me at the café across the street from her and Jasper's penthouse. "It'll get better. Eventually."

"You don't know that. Your visions are subjective. What if she changes her mind? What if I lose her forever?"

She pulled her hand away from mine and cross her arms at her chest. "Honestly Edward? She'd be smart to."

"To leave me?" I asked looking up at her. She was my fucking _sister_ how could she say that? "Gee, thanks _sis_."

She nodded. "What? You and I both know I'm right; you've hurt her more than anyone. Would _you _want her with someone like you, and I mean really Edward?

Seth may be what he is, but he's never pulled any of the crap that you have – none of the drama. He hasn't left her broken like you have. He hasn't turned her world upside down. In fact, from what she's told me he was the one that was patient, that picked her up and put her together after you left after her spending _year _hoping and waiting you'd come back for her. So I'm sorry if it's not what you want to hear, but she'd be smart to stick with what has kept her together and safe. Especially if it means that person is keeping her from you."

"I would never hurt –"

"Don't give me that Edward. You're the only one who has hurt her. And you hurt her in the worst possible ways. So don't try and tell me you would never hurt her. Because honestly, to a third person? It seems like that's the vast majority of all you've ever done. You hurt her when you love her, you hurt her in the way you love her and then when you realize it, you hurt her by walking away. It's a pattern you seem too dense to derail from."

BPOV

I couldn't do it. I was damned if I did, damned if I didn't. A week went by and my mood hadn't changed.

I was broken. I was crushed. I was fucking numb. And I did it to myself this time – that was the best (or worst) part. At least this time, I was able to mostly keep it together

Seth sensed something was off immediately. He thought it was combination of the stress from work, the engagement, and the Cullens being back in my life. He even thought it was him. I didn't correct him, even though I should have. How was I supposed to tell him it wasn't work, or the proposal, or him; it wasn't even the Cullens, just _one_ in particular? I couldn't.

I had been avoiding all of the Cullens' calls. Every single one of the text messages from Edward was deleted immediately. Every voicemail from Alice went un-listened to.

Despite my uneven mood and Seth's growing concern, we decided that it was time we bit the bullet and moved in together. There were too many memories of Edward in my house so I was quick to suggest giving up my place and moving into his. He seemed appreciative of my offer since his place was both newer and closer to his office; I complied happily.

The weeks went by and thoughts of Edward dimmed, but never completely left my mind. Halloween came and went. November neared to a close and Seth and I decided to spend Thanksgiving in Seattle away from our parents.

"This is my family now Bells. I want to spend at least one holiday with just us before we start worrying about the crazy bullshit that married couples stress over and hearing nagging questions about grandchildren from our families." He said as we sat at his small dining room table lit with candles. We had opted out of cooking anything and had settled for our tried and true back up plan – Chinese.

He reached over the table and squeezed my hand. "I love you Bella." I smiled and sighed looking at him. "Love you too."

We started eating our mix of kung pao chicken and house chow mein in comfortable silence.

"So, I know we haven't really talked about the specifics but I was thinking maybe we could get married this summer?" Seth suggested glancing up at me from his plate of food.

I almost choked on a water chestnut. Right, the wedding… the reason we had moved in together and the reason I now wore fucking jewelry on my hand. Right, the wedding…

"Mhm, summer… sounds good. In Forks or here?"

"Well… I was thinking, we could keep it really small but have it somewhere warm since you love the heat."

"Like where?"

"I was thinking a resort in Mexico?"

My eyes shot up and I laughed a little to myself. "And we're going to afford this, how?"

"With my salary."

"Seth I'm not letting you pay for this."

"Why not? It'll be my wedding gift to you, the entire wedding."

I shook my head. "I can't, you can't… it's too much."

"Bella, the way I see it is we're keeping it small. We can get everything taken care of by the resort, so all you have to do is pick stuff out. It'll be easy on you, and I know with everything going on lately, the least amount of added crap into your life the better."

I sighed and stood up, walking over to him and falling into his lap. He smiled and wrapped his arms around my waist. "I love you baby. We're only getting married once, so I figure we should do this right. I want you nothing shy of glowing that day and it's my job as your future husband to do everything I can to make sure that happens."

I really didn't deserve him. It was that nagging feeling in my gut that flared up on me every time he did something incredibly over the top sweet like this.

"Come on Bells. We can lay by the beach, I'll put sunscreen on you every 10 minutes so you don't turn into a lobster; you can laugh at my poor attempts at surfing… it'll be fun. And then at the end of our vacation everyone can meet us down there, and we'll say 'I do'."

I took a deep breath and smiled, pressing my lips against his. "You win; it sounds perfect, let's do it. Let's plan a wedding for this summer in Mexico."


	24. Chapter 23

A/N: So... a month later I finally managed to find my mojo again. Not gonna lie this update is HEAVILY due to theotherbella and little miss whitlock's encouragement.

Even though it's been ages, SMeyer still owns these character and the entire Twilight story.

The only thing she doesn't own are the lovely reviews you all are going to leave for this one, right? right? :)

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**BPOV**

The weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas few by without any word from the Cullens, and for that I was relieved.

Seth and I began planning our wedding and as decisions were made and dates determined, I found myself missing Alice more and more. I hadn't thought much about what any future wedding of mine would have been like, but what little I had thought about always involved Alice and her bubbly antics.

It was two weeks before Christmas and Seth and I were putting the finishing touches on our first Christmas tree – a 3 foot tall piece of nature that looked more like a bush than a tree. "So I was thinking about our wedding party today," I began, biting my lip nervously.

"Mhm, and? Did you decide on a number?" He asked looking at the star on the top of the tree, making sure it was straight.

"Yea, two I think. But um, I was thinking, if it's okay with you I mean, I'd like Alice to be my maid of honor." He didn't say anything for what felt like a full minute, his eyes didn't budge from the tree. Fuck.

He sighed and finally turned his eyes up to my direction. "I guess this means we're having the ceremony at night then?" He asked, stoically. I nodded. "Seth, I just… she was my best friend for so long. I _need _her there." I argued, even though I knew he hadn't asked. He nodded and pursed his lips taking another breath and walking towards me, wrapping his arms around my waist. "Bella, if that's what you need to make the day perfect then she'll be there." He pushed his lips into my hair and kissed my scalp chuckling softly. "I can't wait to tell Paul he's walking down the aisle with a Cullen."

**EPOV**

It was killing me, not hearing from Bella. I was beginning to see and experience a sliver of what I had put her through when I had left her all those years ago.

And if this had affected her as her departure was affecting me now, I couldn't fault her for hating me.

Alice and I talked regularly, but she never asked if I'd heard from her and if I asked if she'd heard anything she'd remain mum; which to me, meant she had.

I avoided being alone whenever possible. I worked insane hours, pushing myself until I was so exhausted I would crash on a gurney in spare room for a few hours. To be honest, I couldn't remember the last time I went home.

Without Bella I didn't have one.

"Dr. Cullen, can I see you when you have a moment?" Dr. Murray the Chief of Staff asked as he passed me in the hall where I was going over a patient's case with an intern. I nodded my head in reply and continued discussing the situation with the intern, asking how he thought it best to proceed before giving him the reins and final OK for treatment.

I walked down to Dr. Murray's office and knocked twice before hearing him shout "come in!" My hand wrapped around the doorknob and twisted hesitantly. I had a feeling what this was about, and I had a feeling I wasn't going to like it.

"Dr. Cullen – Edward, please have a seat." He replied calmly gesturing to the vinyl chair across from where he sat at his desk. I grinned ad took the seat. "You needed to speak with me sir?" His hands clasped together and rested on the thick wood of his desk. "Edward, myself and a few of the staff are concerned about you. Is everything alright?"

I took a breath and nodded. "Yes, why?"

"Well," he began looking at me pointedly. "For one, no one has seen you go home in weeks. Now I appreciate your dedication but everyone has to go home Edward; you can't let this job _be _your life."

I wanted to tell him I didn't have a home; that the one person I spent years denying myself was gone and I would never be able to get her back. "Right now this job _is _my life Dr. Murray. And I am thriving. I'm sorry if my habits seem a bit off kilter, but right now I feel as though I'm performing at my best and learning the most both from patients as well as staff." I answered somewhat honestly.

"That's well and good, but you need time to soak in that knowledge and experience. That's why I want you to take the next few days off. Then you can come back and continue plugging away but for every 7 days on I want you to take _at least _one day off going forward. Trust me, no one is happier to see you excelling than myself – except maybe your father," he started with a slight chuckle in his voice. "However, everyone needs down time or else they will burn out. And the last thing I want to see happen to a talented physician such as yourself is to find you down that path."

I nodded, realizing I didn't have a say in the matter and stood to leave. "I appreciate the concern Dr. Murray. So I'll wrap up this shift and then take a few days off?" I asked, wanting to make sure I understood correctly.

"Yes, exactly. After your shift end's tomorrow, Sunday morning, I don't want to see you back here until Thursday." He confirmed with a smile. "Take care of yourself Edward, you're a good doctor and you'll be great one day like your father if you take care of yourself."

I nodded and smiled a tight lip grin as I backed out of his office and walked towards the main area of the ER where all of the hustle and bustle occurred.

There was nothing to take care of, my heart was gone and I wasn't sure how to exist without it.

**BPOV**

The morning after I spoke with Seth and finalized our wedding party I headed to Alice's shop.

So far, Angela had been fantastic when I let her know I wanted her to be in my wedding and she had merrily accepted; however, as great as Angela was and as close as we were there was only one friend I had ever envisioned being my maid of honor.

"Alice…?" I asked curiously as I stepped into her store and noticed her leaning against her register's countertop, arms crossed and foot tapping against the tile. Her face changed from one of frustration to sheer happiness as she ran over and wrapped her arms around me. I returned the gesture and laughed. "I thought you were livid!" I admitted as we continued to hug.

"Nonsense! I've just been waiting like _all morning_ for you to come by. I wasn't sure when you were going to stop by; because you didn't know… all I had to go on was the date." She admitted, pulling away slowly and taking my hand roughly in hers to examine the engagement ring.

"And, _obviously _yes, by the way: I'll be your maid of honor." She said tugging at my hand a bit more answering the question I had yet to ask. "The ring is GORE-GEOUS!" She exclaimed. "It's so… unique with the twist of the two bands around your finger but still the solitaire where it counts. It's beautiful."

I felt my cheeks grow hot as we stared down at my engagement ring. "Thanks." I replied as she pulled me further into the store and sitting me down on the chaise lounge chair that faced the 3 main mirrors just outside the dressing rooms.

"So! The planning; what's going on? Where is the wedding? How much am I allowed free reign as your wedding coordinator?" She asked, shooting off rapid fire questions.

"Um…" my voice trailed off. "Seth's pretty much taken care of everything. We're having it at a resort in Cozumel; you can take over as much as you want I guess since I have no idea _what _I'm supposed to be doing, and not much else is going on other than trying to make arrangements for Christmas."

"Colors? Wedding dress? Bridesmaid dresses? Number of people in attendance?" She sped off, pulling out her smart phone and clicking away at it.

"Um… a small wedding? I think we're hoping 50 show up – including the wedding party and minister." I said, growing nervous as she continued typing away.

Her eyes shot up at me. "Was it June or July?"

"July."

"Colors for the wedding? A theme perhaps?" She volunteered, fishing for more information.

"Um…" I trailed off, shrugging. She squealed and pulled me in for another hug. I laughed genuinely and wrapped my arms around her. "Bella, I'm _so _happy for you. I'm glad you're finally getting your happy ever after." She replied, slowly pulling away from me.

Happy ever after, I thought to myself. Edward was my happy ever after.

I saw her face falter a bit and she grabbed my hand, squeezing it lightly. "You're doing the right thing Bella. I love my brother, but he shouldn't have done everything that he did – no matter if it was out of love." I felt myself sigh as I nodded in agreement.

"I know, it's just," I trailed off trying to think of the words. "I spent every moment since I've known Edward thinking that this moment, this time of my life would be with him. Planning a wedding, thinking of forever; I've never thought of forever with anyone else."

Her face softened and she took an unnecessary breath. "Then are you sure this is what you want?"


	25. Chapter 24

**A/N:**

So I love everyone huge amounts for sticking through this thing with me. Whether your team Edward or team Seth (which I think MOST of you are :P) right now, never fear twists are here!

Well not _here_, but soon. Soon my lovelies :)

For now here's an update.

Oh, yeah and SMeyer still owns, even at the ass crack of dawn.

Reviews make me happy and post sooner.

* * *

**BPOV**

I looked at Alice, who was staring directly into my eyes. Why wasn't I speaking? Why was I hesitating?

"Yes, Alice of course Seth is what I want. If it wasn't I wouldn't be here right now."

"Well, you might be just not planning a wedding with him." She offered with a casual shrug as she stood up and walked over to where she had a huge Longchamp bag leaning against one of the dressing rooms.

She lifted it easily bringing it back to where we had been sitting and turned it over. What must have been 50 different bridal and wedding planning magazines tumbled out, some cascading off the chaise and onto the floor.

"Onto the planning then!"

EPOV

I slept all of Monday, almost literally. I woke up to check the date and time on my blackberry once, use the bathroom twice, and check my blackberry once more after the second bathroom break to see if I'd missed a call from the hospital.

Aside from those four activities which took maybe a total of 30 minutes, all I did was sleep.

I didn't have a life without Bella.

I didn't have anything without her.

BPOV

Hours later, we'd picked out table centerpieces – small bouquets of fresh daisies and the wedding color – a deep marine blue.

"Bella, you can't just have ONE color for your wedding! That's like… blasphemy!" Alice scolded, whacking me with a thick bridal gown catalogue.

"Ow!" I winced, jumping a little. She laughed and rolled her eyes. "If I actually thought that hurt you, I'd apologize." She replied, smirking. "Pick another color."

"No."

"I'll pick it for you then." She said decidedly, flipping through the catalogue.

"No Alice. I just want that blue. That's all. That one blue or we're doing rainbows and I'm going to have you walk down in a Rainbow Brite costume."

She looked up at me with a pursed facial expression. "Will the minister be dressed as Bobo the Clown then?" She pushed raising an eyebrow.

"No, he'll just wear the rainbow flag around his waist like a towel." I deadpanned, glaring back at her.

She huffed and tossed the magazine she was holding onto the pile of "read" ones we had started to put aside. "Fine, ONE color it is!" She conceded, picking up another magazine.

Over the next two hours she ripped out dresses she thought I'd look good in or like, I'm not really sure; but then I narrowed them down to ones I wouldn't be uncomfortable wearing. By the end of it we had a stack of about 20 dresses out of hundreds she'd ripped out.

"Fantastic! I'll have these here by Wednesday." She exclaimed, jumping up holding the stack of "OK" dresses in her hands.

"Wednesday?" I looked at her quizzically. "Alice, it's Monday."

She smirked mischievously and fanned herself with the papers. "Bella, ye of little faith; when I say they'll be here by Wednesday, I mean it."

I puffed out a laughed and shrugged my shoulders. "You're either the best or the worst, I haven't figured it out yet."

Her lips widened into a huge child-like smile and raised her shoulders. "You're smart, I'm sure it won't take you much longer to figure out I'm the best."

------------------

I didn't get home from Alice's until nearly 4 that afternoon. And for spending the day sitting flipping through magazines, I was exhausted.

Or maybe it was the guilt that was draining me.

I hated that I hadn't told Seth yet. I hated that I thought of never telling him, or at the very least prolonging it until the very last minute. Since when had I become this selfish? This… apathetic towards others? I sighed heavily and flopped backwards onto the couch, drowning out my thoughts with Judge Judy.

I had to tell him. He needed to know what kind of girl he was marrying.

The kind of girl who wasn't sure if she still loved Edward Cullen.

**EPOV**

The grating sound of my apartment doorbell jolted me awake. I looked around frantically for a moment taking in my surroundings.

It was dark. I wasn't sure what day or time it was exactly. And someone was ringing my doorbell.

Great now that that's all cleared up. Ugh. I raked my fingers through my hair roughly as I heard the buzzard go off again.

"COMING!" I yelled as I stumbled through my dark bedroom towards the door. With a grunt, I swung open the door not bothering to see who was on the other side.

"About damn time!" Alice said, shoving her way past me in to my flat. "About damn time what Alice? It took me like three seconds to get to the door."

She spun around, arms crossed and looking at me pointedly. "I _meant _about time you answered anything. Edward I've been calling you all evening. Why didn't you pick up?"

I rubbed the back of my neck, kicking the front door closed. "I was sleeping."

"_All day?"_ She asked, sounding surprised. I nodded. "I was forced to take a few days off?"

"Why? Did something happen?" She asked, concern covering her face. I shook my head. "No, no, nothing like that. I was just working a bit too much so I took a few days off to make up for it. She visibly relaxed and walked further inside flopping down on to my brown leather sofa.

"So what's up big bro?" She asked casually, shrugging her shoulders.

"Um, I think the question is more what's up with you? Isn't it late?"

"It's 2am; I figured you'd be awake."

"Oh." I replied sinking into the recliner across from her. "Yeah, usually I am." I paused looking down before back up at her. "So… the reason for this visit?"

"Testy, testy." She replied, clicking her tongue to the roof of her mouth. "Bella's telling Seth about you." She said matter of factly.

My heart skipped a beat as I thought of finally being with her. But it just as quickly sank as I realized that her admitting it just meant she was ready to move on from the situation; the situation being me and my love for her.

"And, that matters to me why?"

"Because you need to know."

"Again… why?"

"Because you love her and I know you want me to tell you how she is and if she's dying like you are and I can't. But I can tell you that she's telling Seth… soon."

I sniffed and leaned back further into my chair. "Even if that were true, why would I care? Doesn't her telling Seth mean that she's trying to move on?"

She glanced down and to the side. "I suppose…" her eyes shot back up and she smiled faintly. "Or it could mean that she doesn't know what to do, and she wants to tell him to see where the pieces fall."

"You mean, if he'll leave her or if he'll stay." I stated flatly, not really asking.

"Maybe she feels like she needs fate to decide who she loves more, rather than leaving her to her own devices."

"You mean, make her accountable for her actions." I spat. It wasn't definite that even _if _Seth didn't take her back, that she would run to me. Even though I would take her in a heartbeat; she _was _my heartbeat.

"That's not fair Edward. She sacrificed a lot for you; she was willing to sacrifice everything at one time." Alice replied sadly.

"What's not fair is—"

Alice scoffed. "Edward Cullen is going to talk to ME about fair? About Bella?" She looked at me incredulously. "This ought to be good." She snipped, crossing her arms and leaning back against the sofa.

I had it before she interrupted me. How this wasn't fair. How Bella should be with me even after everything. What was it…

I had nothing. I sighed and shook my head. "Nevermind."

"No, _no_ this was going to be good. You were going to tell me how lying to my best friend all those years ago, and making all of us leave her was fair in comparison to her telling you she can't sleep with you anymore because she's moved on and has a fiancé." She continued bobbing her head slightly.

My breath came out as a heavy gasp and I shook my head again. "You're right. I have no right to say that I've been treated unfairly."

"Quite the contrary big brother, don't you think?"

I looked up at her, with a raised brow. "How do you mean?"

She shrugged aloofly. "You spent an entire existence as a vampire thinking it was penance for the wrong you had done in your human life, only now it really seems that karma is hitting you."

I buried my face in my hands let out a low groan. She was right.

This was my karma for leaving in the first place; for not racing back to immediately with realization that I'd killed a part of her; for not sprinting to her when I'd come back from Italy.

Alice's arms wrapped around me and I shook with tears that had never been able to come out until now.

I was mourning the loss of my immortality

I was mourning the loss of the life I had known

I was mourning the loss of my Bella

Because _my Bella _was no longer; she was now someone else's, and it was entirely my fault.

**BPOV**

The rest of Monday and all of Tuesday passed in a blur of article submissions for work and after-work Christmas shopping with Seth. He was always great about getting gifts taken care of with plenty of time to spare.

Personally, I was fond of the stressed out Christmas-eve present purchasing, but we were a team of present givers now, so we played by his schedule.

Wednesday afternoon, I headed over to Alice's to try on dresses.

When I got there Alice seemed more excited than I did about the game of dress up, which is exactly what this felt like. She squealed as I tried on the first one, big and poofy and just… not me at all.

"BELLA!" Alice practically screamed, as I stood in front of her trying on the third dress. It fit like second skin and wrapped around me snuggly. The left side had faint hints of beadwork that looks like a shooting star had exploded against it. I looked in the 3-point mirror and smiled.

"This is IT!" Alice decided for me, jumping up. "We can try on the others, but I have a feeling. This is it."

I smiled down at her and looked back up to the mirror. My heart froze and I blinked quickly, looking back into the mirror.

Had Edward been just outside?

**EPOV**

After nearly 3 days inside, I decided that I needed to apologize to Alice for breaking down on her Monday night. I shouldn't be burdening her with all of this, _especially _because she was Bella's friend.

I had become a terrible boyfriend to Bella; I didn't need to turn into a horrible brother as well.

I made my way over to Alice's leisurely, thinking I could take her out shopping to make up for my behavior.

My breath hitched in my throat and my feet stopped in place as I approached Alice's door. There, in the main room facing a row of mirrors, stood my Bella in a wedding dress.

A wedding dress that made her body look like the goddess I knew it was under the baggy jeans and lose fitting sweatshirts. It accentuated the curves that had continued to develop after I had left Forks, and made her glow.

However cliché it is to say about brides, no other word came to mind about the vision in front of me: stunning.

Her eyes flashed back and for a split second she held me there, captivated by her glance, by her posture. Her eyes closed briefly and I moved quickly, pivoting against the brick siding of the building beside Alice's.

My eyes clamped shut and all I saw was Bella: in that dress, walking towards me, beaming her beautiful smile and lifting a veil over her face, saying "I do."

Of having everything we were never meant to have.

**BPOV**

I stared at the row of dresses, taken aback by all of it for a moment as I slowly stepped off the pedestal that was placed in front of the mirrors. I moved my hand to my stomach and took a breath.

And because I was apparently slow in the head it had taken me until now to realize it.

I wouldn't be becoming Isabella Cullen

I wouldn't be meeting him at the end of the aisle

I wouldn't being saying forever to the only person I'd ever really promised it to

Could my forever be forever if it wasn't with Edward?

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A/N: So I like NEVER do a post chap a/n but I wanted to post links to some photos since I know that describing a few pivotal things (like the engagement ring and the dress E just saw B wearing)

Bella's engagement ring: .?image=

The dress Bella tried on that blew the socks off Edward: .?style=A538


	26. Chapter 25

A/N: So I know, I know... it's been awhile. But things have been cookin' I promise!

Thanks for everyone for their reviews on the last chapter and PMing me with harassing messages about updating soon :P

A special hihihi to one of the best writers on FF(dot)net, **theotherbella** for being so awesome. Go check out her new fic called "Dear Edward".

Also, as a reminder - in case you've forgotten - I don't own these characters a lady with kids named Steph Meyers does.

Oh and reviews are pretty sweet and help me post sooner :P (bribery? Noooooo ;))

* * *

**BPOV**

The rest of the afternoon sped by me like a blur. A whirlwind of white dresses, a giggling Alice, and my head in a fog.

"Bella, you're doing the right thing." Alice commented offhandedly as we sat at a cute little bistro down the road from her shop.

I was inhaling a turkey and bacon sandwich and stopped abruptly at her statement. "What?" I mumbled, my mouth still full of food.

She laughed a little, "cute Bella, cute."

I laughed and finished chewing before repeating myself. "What do you mean I'm doing the right thing?"

"Marrying Seth." She replied matter-of-factly.

I sighed and nodded. "Yeah, I know."

She smirked as if she knew me better and had been the mind reader in the family. "Okay, as long as you know." She replied.

"I mean... cuz banking on Edward would be like the _worst _thing I could do..." I trailed off, glancing up at her through my eyelashes as I took another bite of my sandwich. I heard her sigh and I sat up straighter dabbing my mouth with my napkin.

"It wouldn't be the worst." She answered honestly, grabbing one of my hands in hers. "Bella, I love my brother. And I've always wanted you as my sister, but you can still be like a sister to me without legally _being _my sister." She stated, smiling.

"I know."

"And I know my brother means well and while you make him a better person, he seems to devestate you at every turn. I don't want that for you."

"Me either, Alice. And it's hard because he's like this huge Achilles heel for me." I lamented, suddenly not very hungry at all.

"You're stronger than you used to be Bella. He's not as big of a weakness to you as he was."

"He isn't?" I asked, surprised. It sure as hell felt like it at times.

She shook her head adamantly. "No, because he's kind of a genuine asshole now. And I think you see that." She continued, scrunching up her nose and squinting her eyes as if trying to look inside me for confirmation.

"You're going to tell him indefinitely." She said after a moment of silence.

I sank against the back of my wire chair. "Tell who, what?" I asked, moving my hand from hers. "Telling Seth about what happened."

What? But...

"But I haven't decided yet." I countered, confused. "Yes you have. You know you have to, to get past Edward and move on with Seth. You just are refusing to admit it to yourself but the decision has been made." She answered smugly.

I huffed and picked at the bread on my sandwich. "So, let me guess: you don't know if you should warn Edward first that you're going to tell Seth, or just go straight to the fiancé and confess?" She ventured.

I nibbled on the piece of bread I'd picked off and nodded. "More or less."

"Want my opinion?"

"No, not really."

"Good! Because I'm giving it to you anyway. Don't bother. Seeing Edward is just going to drudge up everything you've spent the last few weeks trying to get over. It's going to hurt more than help."

But what if I want to see him? I thought to myself. Fucking shit, _bad Bella_.

I sighed and nodded as the check came and she grabbed it before I could even reach for it. She was right; seeing Edward before hand might have the opposite effect I wanted, and lead to me keeping it from Seth even longer.

Still, an hour later even that realization didn't stop me from driving by the hospital wondering if I _should _give him a head's up about the conversation I was about to have with Seth.

I got as far as pulling into the parking lot and shutting off my car. I watched people enter and exit, some looking relieved others looking nothing short of devastated. I wondered if that's how Seth was going to look when I told him. My stomach lurched and I knew I had to call him before I chickened out. My hand reached for the phone as my eyes scanned the entry way for Edward from my car.

If I saw him I'd tell him; I'd take it as a sign I was supposed to tell him, I convinced myself.

"Seth Clearwater." His voice echoed into the receiver. I jumped at the sound of his voice, not expecting him to answer on the first ring.

"Hey Seth." I said, my voice soft. I felt my heart thumping through my chest and my limbs went cold as the blood went straight to the muscle in my chest.

"Bella? Hey. Is everything okay?" He asked, sounding worried.

I nodded, even though I couldn't speak. "Yea, well no. Is there anyway we could talk later? I really really need to talk to you." I said quietly, my voice quivering.

"Bella, what's wrong? Talk to me. Where are you?" He said, his voice strained with concern.

"I-- I'm fine. I'm at the hospital but I'll meet you at home okay?" I asked, sniffling back the tears. How the fuck was I going to do this? How was I going to tell him the one thing that would break him?

"I'm on my way. Are you sure I can't meet you there?" He asked frantically as I heard him shuffle papers on his desk.

"I'm sure. I'll see you at home." I replied, shutting my phone before he could say anything else.

If just hearing his voice on the other end was sending me into tears, how the fuck was I going to get through telling him I'd slept with Edward face to face?

**EPOV**

I shouldn't have picked up my phone when I saw Alice's number pop up. I should have known better. Instead, I had picked up hoping for any tidbits of information about Bella I could finagle out of her.

But no, instead I had to deal with a tongue lashing from her about popping up.

"You KNOW she saw you, right?" She scolded accusingly. "You may be quick for a human, but you're still detectable."

"How do you know she saw me? Did she say something?" I shot back. Truthfully, I was hoping she had said something. Anything to hear about Bella... God I was pathetic.

"She kept glancing behind her and looking through the mirror out onto the street. It was obvious."

"Maybe she didn't."

"Edward, don't play that game with me. She was fine until your little surprise appearance." She took an unnecessary breath and I could hear her disappointment. "You shouldn't have done that."

"How was I to know?!" I yelled defensively. "The plan was to surprise you, not to feel my heart get stabbed repeatedly by seeing her in a wedding dress. Tell me, why would I have wanted to walk in on that? Alice, she's marrying HIM, she chose HIM."

"She chose HIM, because he hasn't hurt her; because he hasn't left her and taken his family that she loved like her own AWAY from her. She chose HIM because she's smart enough not to chose YOU!" She yelled. "God you're so fucking self-righteous, still thinking you're better for her despite everything you've done. Edward, I love you but you're a fucking ASSHOLE!" She screamed into the phone. "And I'm glad Bella chose Seth instead of you. I told her as much this afternoon." She stated defiantly.

"You did WHAT?!" I said absolutely shocked that she would turn her back on family like that.

"Edward," she began a bit more calmly. "I said everything would work out. I didn't say you would win. Bella deserves someone better than you. I didn't always believe that; but since you went all human on us all of your actions since then have turned you into someone you weren't before. Before... everything, you two were perfect for each other. Now, I see where your doubtful self-worth came from. If you were like this before Carlisle transformed you, I don't blame you for never thinking you were good enough for Bella. But you were back then, before everything changed - before _you _changed. Edward she's my best friend and no best friend wants to watch the friend they're closest to choose someone like you."

There was a beat of silence before she spoke again. "I'm sorry Edward." And with that she hung up.

**BPOV**

I sat there in our apartment, in Seth's home that he'd let me penetrate. He had never been anything less than amazing. He took care of me, he always knew what I needed even before we crossed the line from friendship to something more. He didn't deserve this. He deserved more. He deserved someone who loved him with everything she was and didn't ever question it, let alone sleep with someone else.

Seth flung open the door, looking erratically to his sides before his eyes locked on mine.

"Baby, baby what's wrong?" He asked frantically as he slammed the door shut behind him and raced to where I was sitting on the couch. He crouched down on the floor beside me, rubbing my thigh affectionately. "Bella, you're scaring me. What's wrong? What happened?"

The tears streamed down harder and faster down my cheeks, as I over at him his eyes glazed with worry and panic. I sniffled, choking back the sobs and trying to calm my breath. "Seth." I began, my voice quivering. "Yea Bella?" He asked, moving to sit across from me, sitting on his dark oak coffee table. "Tell me. Tell me what's wrong so I can fix it."

That right there, broke my heart.

"You can't." I murmured, casting my eyes back to my lap.

"Like hell I can't. I'll do whatever it takes to fix whatever has made you this upset. Baby, what happened?" He asked, pulling my hands from my lap into his and lowering his head to kiss each of my knuckles. "Talk to me."

I sucked in a breath, feeling my heart clench as I let the words escape my mouth. "First you have to know that I love you. And I appreciate everything you've ever done for me. The way that you care and love me. I... I don't deserve it."

His lips laid open mouth kisses on the back of my hands. "Don't say that Bella. You're perfect, we love each other and it's perfect."

My breath hitched and I shook my head. "I'm not Seth, really. I really fucked up."

He looked up at me grinning, his left hand reaching up to brush the tears from my right cheek. "Bella, whatever it is I'm sure it's not that bad. And we'll fix it. So what is it?" He smoothed out my hair, sliding it behind my hair. "What is it? Did you break the new toaster? Flood the bathroom?" He asked with a warm smile.

"I slept with Edward."

He quickly dropped my hands from his lap, and I watched them dangle at my sides.

"You what?" He asked in disbelief, turning his head slightly.

"I... slept with Edward." I repeated, feeling my heart tighten just as much the second time. I watched his face fall and his chest begin to heave up and down rapidly. We were silent for a few moments, neither of us looking at one another.

"When?" He asked turning back to face me with a clenched jaw, his eyes looking directly at me.

"The first time was--"

"Wait, there was more than _one _time?" He asked, his voice growing louder with each word. I hung my head and nodded.

"How many times?"

I looked up at him, his eyes glassy. "What?" I asked meekly.

"How many times have you fucked the bloodsucker?" He growled. I gasped at his tone and gulped audibly. "Three? Maybe 4?" I answered quietly. He let out a low groan and rubbed his jaw roughly with one hand.

"When did it start?" He persisted.

"Do you really want to know?"

He nodded, clenching his jaw again.

"The weekend we went back to Forks."

His eyes widened with recognition. "You fucked him and then said yes to my marriage proposal?" He spat.

How was I supposed to respond to that? "Yes." I replied softly, looking back down at the floor.

"Give me back the ring." He said coldly. My eyes shot up and I looked at him pleadingly. "What?"

"Give me back the fucking ring. I don't want you wearing it."

"But, Seth... I still want--"

He stood up quickly stretching out his hand for the ring. "I don't really care what you want right now. What I want is to have the ring and get the hell out of here. So," he said motioning with his open hand. "The ring."

I looked up at him, slowly sliding the ring off and dropping it into his palm. His fingers closed over it and he remained silent as he walked stiffly to the door, opening and closing it without a single look back.

**SPOV**

What? Excuse me?

I felt the blood boiling under my skin as I had looked at her, so devastated by her own doing. I was livid at her, I was hurt, I was... broken as I watched her come to pieces on my couch at her confession.

I tightened my grip around the engagement ring. It's corners jabbing into my palm as I raced down the stairs towards my car.

She was hurting.

I was hurting.

All because of one common theme.

Edward Cullen.

My heart sped up even more as his name echoed through my brain and all I could think was...

I'm going to kill him.


	27. Chapter 26

A/N:

Hey everyone! I know it's been like… a bazillion weeks but I'm here and here's a teeny tiny update but trust, the next chap is already in the works.

As always I don't own these characters, Ms. SMeyer does. But that doesn't make me love reviews any less! :P So maybe… you'll leave one?

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**SPOV**

I sulked there in my car at the ER entrance to Seattle General. All I saw was red.

Red visions of him and her smiling and giggling. Red visions of them laying there naked under a blanket. My jaw clenched and I let out a ragged breath as I calculated my next move.

As I saw it I had 3 options. One, go in there kick his ass and risk the possibility of getting arrested. Two, wait for him to get off his shift and follow him and then kick his ass. Or three, end it with Bella and just let everything else go.

Yea, number three wasn't an option at this point.

Number two sounded like the best option, since I'm pretty sure Bella wouldn't bail me out of jail for beating the crap out of her lover.

Ew, _lover _. That's what they were, wasn't it? It was more than just a onetime thing. That, honestly I could probably let out. I get that there was unresolved tension; I get how good that may have felt for her to get it out of her system.

I mean, I pride myself on being a pretty understanding guy.

But more than once… that shit did not settle well with me. As I thought more thoroughly about it, I began to wonder who else knew. Was Charlie's conversation with me before I popped the questions, more a forewarning? Did he know? Is that why he laid into me like he had? Did Alice know? Did Angela? I mean from what I heard about how they were in high school, Angela, Ben, Bella and Edward were pretty close. Would Bella have told her or kept it from her?

As I began thinking more and more of who could have know, the people that could have told me, the anger swelled and it took all of my restraint to pull back and drive out of the ER. Bella was at my apartment, the reservations was too far to drive to since I had work in the morning and all of my friend here were Bella's friends and I couldn't stand the thought that they knew and I had had no idea prior to an hour ago.

So I went to the only place I could think of: a bar.

I pulled into Scott's Bar and Grill and planted my face against the steering wheel. What was I doing? It was the middle of the god damn day and I was what, going to get shitfaced before I beat someone up? Who was I, Jacob?

I laughed at my own joke and slid out of the driver's side door, shaking my head at the absurdity that had become my life.

Did I really even care if I got her back? Had I lost her? The answer was a definitive no. She would come back to me, she was a good person and this one asshole from her life had just taken advantage of her weak spot: her heart.

Edward had always had the biggest part of her heart; some part of me always knew that. I didn't doubt that she loved me, but I also couldn't ignore the fact that after all this time she probably loved him to.

And maybe that was the real reason I wanted to kick his ass so badly. Up until they had slept together I had always had a part of her he never would. And that sounds all territorial and chauvinistic but it was true.

And now, the scales were even and if I really thought about it, they were probably tipped in favor of the bloodsucker.

God, this really had turned me into Jacob.

I sat in the bar that smelled like stale cigarettes and old lady perfume, sipping on a stiff scotch as I took in my surroundings. Two guys further down on the bar were discussing football and slurring nearly every other word. They had to have been in their mid 50s and were having a heated debate over someone's passing game. Who the fuck cared about passing games when my fiancé had fucking slept with her ex?

Seth Clearwater pity party of one? Your table in hell is ready for you.

I nursed glass after glass until I saw the sun beginning to set. God, was I really going to sit her in complete silence downing drink after drink until I grew a big enough pair to not care if I got arrested for kicking Edward's ass?

My question was answered as a sullen looking girl took a seat beside me, peering over at me through big blue eyes. She almost… no, it must have been the drinking, but she almost looked like my Bella.

"Is this seat taken?" She asked, eying me warily. I shook my head remaining mum as she smiled appreciatively and slid beside me.

"Rough day?" I offered, waving down the bartender for my 4th scotch on the rocks. "You could say that." She offered vaguely, turning to me and flashing a sad smile. "This guy I've been dating dumped me and it's awkward now because we work together and I still have feelings for him."

She ordered a vodka tonic and drank it quickly through the thin black straw. "What about you? You look like you've made yourself comfortable here." She asked. I wanted to snap back at her for sounding so patronizing but she looked too much like my Bella through my liquor laced eyes. "I found out my fiancé has been sleeping with her ex."

Her hand flew to my arm and gripped it. "That fucking sucks." I nodded defeatedly. "That's not even the worst part…" I began, trailing off. She eyed me curiously, asking me with her body language to continue. I took a deep breath. "The worst part of all this is I can't figure out who she really loves more: him or me." Now that it was out there, it sounded so much worse than when I'd just had it as a lingering thought in my mind.

She didn't respond to my statement outside of ordering another vodka tonic and clinking it against my half empty glass of watered down brown courage. "To not letting the bastards and bitches that break our hearts keep what they've destroyed."

Well that was poetic. I grinned and chimed my glass against hers, nodding once before gulping down the last of the beverage.

**BPOV**

I was worried. The fucked up inner voice in my head was battling with the logical side of my brain over who to worry about more: Seth or Edward.

The fucked up voice was screaming at me to call Edward, warn him. But the logical side was saying no, let Seth do what he needs to do to make this right for himself.

Fucking shit.

I sighed and dialed the only number both sides of my brain could agree on.

"Good, I'm glad you called me instead of my brother!" Alice's voice giggled into the receiver. I sighed, slumping down against the sofa.

"Why didn't you tell me how he was going to react?"

"Because otherwise you probably wouldn't have done it?" She offered; a slightly questioning tone to her voice.

She was right. I would have kept this a secret forever if she would have told me I would have had to witness Seth breaking like that.

"What now?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?!" I scolded, bolting upright. "You ALWAYS know!"

"Bella, I only know once decisions have been made. No one has made any sound decisions."

"Well, who do I go to?"

Her voice was barely above a whisper, and I could hear the disappointment in her voice. "You don't know so neither do I."


	28. Chapter 27

Holy crap, an actual real live update.

Sorry if it seems I've abandoned this fic. Really, I love it. But it's coming to an end and I'm not good with letting things go... so I'm dragging it out.

Even with the lengthy time between posts, SMeyer still owns these characters.

But I love reviews... and you guys own my heart. So that has to count for something, right? :)

That was a not-so-subtle nudge to leave one or two.

Onward...ooo on-ward. Hot.

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**BPOV**

I didn't see Seth for the next 2 days. Not after leaving hundreds of messages, stopping by his work or even the gym that he worked at.

Yeah, maybe I was being a little stalkerish but I was worried. I called hospitals, jails, and the police.

It was a backhanded blessing that no one seemed to know where he was. At least he wasn't in prison, or the morgue.

Jake refused to tell me where he was.

So did Leah.

So obviously, everyone knew. Which I really should have figured, but it didn't help the sting. I knew I deserved it, but I also wanted to fix it.

I wanted to fix what I had broken by being selfish.

There was no reason for me to have gone to Edward. There was nothing but carelessness and lust and feeling like if I just got him out of my system _this _whatever it was that hung in my space; that refused to drop like deadweight from my heart… that it would finally be gone.

That I could be 100% through with Edward Cullen.

But nothing is ever that easy in the real world. And time one, had led to time two… and the third time, I couldn't even tell you.

The third time was because I loved him too and it was my way of apologizing for thinking it would be that easy to let him go.

I didn't talk to Alice in the days that went by. And I took the long way whenever necessary to avoid Seattle General.

If I saw Edward I wasn't sure what I'd do. I couldn't hurt him; he had been as much a victim as Seth. Well, maybe not quite that much, but certainly a pawn in all of this.

I had turned into a manipulator. A selfish, lust-driven whore.

I laughed bitterly at the irony; a monster had turned me into a monster.

**SPOV**

I woke up the sterile hotel room for the third morning in a row, my head fuzzy from all the alcohol the past few days. I had called out, citing family emergencies. This was a family emergency; the family I'd hope to have was slipping away and it was all out of my control.

The first was Bella's confession. That's what started the avalanche.

The second was me thinking it was perfectly okay to get wasted and sleep with a girl that looked like Bella. I groaned when I thought of how I'd woken up in her bed a few days before, with her sprawled all over me as if I was her savior.

I wasn't. I was just a kindred spirit who knew what it felt like to be second best.

After I'd slid out of bar girl's apartment – it's terrible that I didn't even remember her name, right? – I called in to work and took a cab to my car at the bar. From there, I'd driven to a hotel in southern Washington, near the Oregon border and reserved a room for 4 nights; one night for every time Bella let that fucker inside her. I growled lowly at just the thought .

I had called Leah and Jake just to tell them I was ok, and a rough outline of what had happened. Jake offered to kill Edward; Leah offered to run Bella over with her 4x4.

Ah, family.

I politely declined both offers, though I'm not sure why I turned Jake down - hung-over hindsight perhaps.

I wanted Bella. That much was certain. I wanted to work through this. I wanted to go back to how it was. I wanted her to love me more than him.

I wanted to win. Bella had to be mine. She had to.

But what if it was too late? It had been 3 days so far, with another handful to go. I had already slept with someone else in retaliation and not even called, despite seeing her name light up my screen a hundred times.

Part of me didn't want to talk to her. Part of me didn't know what to say. Part of me was petrified she'd say I'd lost. I was scared to find a voicemail telling me that Edward's love was stronger, that his cock was better, and that his heart was fuller, for her.

No, fuck that. In-fucking-possible.

No one would ever love Bella like I did.

Even if I had slept with someone else, even if I had been ignoring my fiancée, slash-ex-fiancée, for almost a week, no one would ever love Bella like I could. And I would fight to prove it to whoever needed to be shown.

**EPOV**

She had told him. Alice had told me.

Alice and I were talking more these days. I knew she had been right about me being a complete asshole, and horrible for Bella. I just hadn't wanted to hear it when all I wanted was Bella to choose me.

But getting closer to Alice, spending more time with my family was making me stronger, better. I was feeling more like myself and less like, well _me_.

After a few conversations with Alice, she finally confessed that Bella hadn't told her outright about when or how she'd told Seth about her and I. Apparently along with confessions, came avoidance. Bella was avoiding the Cullen's. And really, I couldn't blame her.

But I missed her. I missed her smell, her taste, her smile. It was morbid, but I ached to treat her again; to show her tenderness without it being questioned, to kiss away the hurt and to show her that I loved her.

And the best way, for now for me to show that, was to give her distance. I had complicated her life so much already, so many times by being selfish and taking her at her weakest and pushing her away at her strongest.

I would not tear Bella down again like that; no matter how much I needed her.

**SPOV**

Six days. It had been six days since I had seen Bella, fucked a nameless brunette and my life had become its very own soap opera.

It was also my last night at the seedy motel I was staying at along the border. I had taken to doing little else other than taking Bella's ring out of my pocket, staring at it, putting it back and thinking of the proposal.

I wondered if she had said yes out of guilt; knowing that she had just fucked him. I replayed the moment in my head over and over again, trying to see if I had missed a moment of hesitation, a glance of regret – at either her response or her actions. But I couldn't. I remember her smile. Her lips. Her love.

Bella did love me, as much as she could. And that was how it had always been. She loved me as much as she could because there was someone else who had always had her whole heart.

And she had been with him, and yet come back to me.

Was that out of a sense of obligation, or did she really want and need me more at the end of the day? Did I really have her wholly this entire time and was too insecure to see it?

Fuck, what if I had? Then my response, my actions… my fuck, the way I treated her must have seemed so… petty; like I was handling her with kid gloves.

Fuck, had I driven her to him because he could take her. He could fully understand every emotion, every look that she had?

What could he make out that I was blind to?

I banged my head against the headboard as the thoughts raced in my head, begging for answers but finding none.

Later that night, after I had packed up everything and geared up for check out in the morning I grabbed my phone from the nightstand.

I listened to the voicemails.

I heard the tears. I heard the pleading. I heard the worry and regret. I even heard the love.

My heard softened as I realized I hadn't heard a single thing I feared. I hadn't lost. She wasn't leaving.

He hadn't won her back in my absence, or presence for that matter.

I read her texts. There had to have been at least twenty.

Again, no messages of choosing him, only of regret at what she'd done. She loved me. She repeated it in every new message. She missed me. She worried.

She wanted to fix this.

With my resolve partially intact, along with some of my ego I sent her a message before falling into a dreamless sleep.

**I just need some time Bella. Then we can talk about working this out. I still love you; please don't think that even with everything that has happened it has made 2 years of loving you just disappear. I just can't do this right now. We've both made mistakes and I think we need time to cool off so neither one of us says something we can't take back.**

**BPOV**

It was nearly 3am when my phone beeped. I pounced on it like a cat to a mouse and flipped it open.

My entire body sighed when I saw Seth's name. I read the message over and over, overanalyzing every work, ever sentence and ever pause.

But it didn't matter. Because all that mattered was he was okay. He was okay and there was still a chance.

Hopefully I hadn't misread that between the lines.


	29. Chapter 28

Holy... wowzers! Another update... in only a day!

Here you go folks, just because the response was overwhelming and I felt like I had to get this all out. It's just the right time for 7 years right now, I suppose.

Or something. I don't even know; it's late.

But despite the hour SMeyer still owns the characters. I just play with them.

Oh and review? Because apparently that gives me energy to write out more :)

quick hihi to Little Miss Whitlock and homegirl theotherbella just cuz they're both made of win and you should check out their fics. Seriously, Those Eyes by theotherbella is probably the best TwiFic ever written.

I swear.

Would I steer you wrong?

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**BPOV**

I'm not entirely sure I had gone more than a couple days without talking to Seth in… god, years. It was so weird I almost felt like I was crawling out of my skin from Seth withdrawal. But here it had been over a week now and this was my life.

Without Seth

Without Edward

Just… without.

And it was my own damn fault for being selfish and thinking anything I had done could be justified, let alone forgiven.

I talked to Angela almost every day. She was as soothing and comforting as any best friend could be, but I knew she was as torn as I had been. She had always thought Edward and I would find our way back to each other, that we'd make it in the end. Not that she disliked Seth, she just never understood our relationship.

Or maybe I'm projecting and _I _never understood our relationship. All those years together all that love… but how much could I really love someone if I could turn around and cheat on them so thoughtlessly?

And what about Edward? Were my feelings that day really reestablished love or trying to hang on to history? Edward had been my everything and Seth had never gotten to a point in my heart because I knew the very core was always Edward's.

But Edward was different now. He wasn't the same. He was human and fallible, and egocentric and… god I fed into that narcissism. I let him believe he was worth risking my entire relationship for. I let him think he could be a man on the side, my secret.

Seth should leave me. It was the right thing to do; the logical thing to do. And Seth was a logical and smart man.

My mind went in circles for days, until one afternoon on yet another stormy weekday afternoon, I heard the front door open.

"Bella? Are you home?"

**SPOV**

Bella practically sprinted down the hall into the livingroom and I couldn't help but smile a little. She stopped just short of touching me, and I understood her hesitance.

She didn't know what kind of mood I was in.

"You're home." She said softly, her eyes welling with tears. I nodded and it took everything in me to not touch her. To not say all was forgiven simply because I missed her.

I had spent the drive back here thinking of everything I was going to say. But now that I was here my mind was completely blank and all I wanted was to possess her; to touch her, to make her see that I loved her and needed her and maybe this could be just our bump in the road before happily ever after.

"Can we talk or were you—"

"Okay let's talk." She interrupted. Again, I had to fight the smile. She was weakening my resolve just by being herself, being back to being herself. The Isabella I fell in love with.

She sat on the sofa, and to avoid temptation I sat in the seat across from her on the other side of the couch. I saw her face fall at the clear demonstration of separation but I didn't trust myself to be near her and not reach for her. It had been so long.

"So… how are you?" She asked tentatively, sucking in a breath.

"I'm… okay. Better. The space helped." I admitted.

"That's… good. I'm glad."

"How are you?" I asked turning my gaze from the rug below my feet up to her.

She bit her lip and shrugged. "I'm better now that you're home. Seth I'm so—"

"Stop." I said sternly. Another apology wasn't going to help and we both knew that.

She went silent immediately and hung her head apologetically. "Right, you talk." She replied quietly.

I huffed. "No, that's not what I meant. It's just, Bella hearing you apologize again isn't going to speed the forgiveness process up any and it's not going to make me feel better so I'd rather you not waste your breath."

She nodded, still not meeting my eyes. "I'm not sure what else to say."

"Well, for starters I guess I should… say something." I replied biting the inside of my cheek.

Her eyes met mine and she tilted her head curiously. "Okay."

"I slept with someone else, the first night I was gone. " I replied stoically. "I was drunk and we had both found out we were second best."

She sat there frozen. No yelling, no tears, no vocalizing an emotion of any kind.

"Bella?"

"What? What do you expect me to say?" She replied, a hint of sadness in her voice. "Am I mad? Am I hurt? Sure to both, but did I deserve it – definitely."

"It was never about getting even Bella. At least not when all was said and done. Maybe the initial flirting had been, but by the time we had gotten back to her apartment, it was just… need."

It sounded a lot less crude in my head and I immediately berated myself for giving so much detail. She squirmed and winced as I had spoken but had remained silent.

"Did you spent all week with her?" She asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"No, of course not. Bella I could never…" I trailed off. What? I could never cheat on her? Done. Lie to her? Done. Hurt her purposely? Done.

"I spent the week sequestered in a boring hotel thinking about us." I answered honestly.

"And?"

"And we both hurt each other. And we have trust issues. And we have a shit ton of new problems to face."

I sighed dropping my face into my hands as my elbows rested on my thighs. "And I'm not sure we'll make it through, but I love you and that doesn't go away just because we have all this new bullshit in our way."

I took another deep breath.

"Even now, it seems I am hopelessly in love with you Bella Swan."

**BPOV**

I sat there frozen like a cryogenic body. I didn't, I _couldn't_ really fault him for what he did if I was being honest with myself. I deserved it. I'm surprised he hadn't slept with an entire room full of girls; god knows he was attractive and charming enough.

But I sat there, taking it all in. He still loved me, which was a good sign, but he wasn't sure if we'd make it.

That petrified me.

"So what does that mean, exactly?" I asked apprehensively.

"I don't know. It means I love you and everything else… I just, don't know."

I nodded. "Okay."

We sat there in silence, occasionally catching each others' glances then breaking away in an instant.

This distance was not us; it wasn't Bella and Seth.

"Should I… I mean, do you want me…" I took a deep breath. "Would it be easier if I moved out?"

He glanced up at me, brows furrowed as if what I said was completely insane. After a beat, his face softened as he seemed to have thought it through. "Yeah, that would probably be for the best."

No. No. No matter how fucking dumb I was that was NOT what you were supposed to say, I thought to myself. Seth, tell me to stay; tell me you want to work this out and be as close as possible and get back _there _to when things were light and comfortable and easy.

But he never did. And instead, the uncomfortable silence returned and hung in the air.

But he loved me, and hopefully that was still the truth.

**EPOV**

It had been over two weeks since I had heard from Bella, or seen her. Alice and I had gotten off the topic of her as conversations went and I began spending all my days off back home. I missed feeling like myself. I hated who I had become. It had become even harden when I had my family reprimanding me at nearly every turn for how I'd treated Bella – even Rosalie had turned. I knew everything they said was true, but it didn't mean it had to be said every time I saw them.

But I knew this was the tip of the iceberg of my penance.

Further atonement was in the works; I just needed the blessing of my love to go through with it.

I had promised everyone I would stay away from Bella, but this was the last. After this final communication I would have my answer and it would either nail the final coffin, so to speak or save my soul.

It was the week before Christmas and snow was dusting Seattle which while much colder, was a welcome reprieve to all the rain.

I wasn't sure what time it was. I had just come home from a shift at work so I would estimate a guess of near 4am. I sent the message to her before I could stop myself. I just needed an answer.

I needed to be selfish one last time.

**Bella you have been my heart since I had one that beat. I love you and I always will. I know my actions have done nothing but to disprove this, but it is the truth I swear to you. I know I have done nothing but cause you pain. To attempt in vain, to make up for the disgrace and wrongdoing, I will be returning to Volterra and ask to be turned back to the monster I once was, as then I was more of a man and less of a demon- I see that now. **

**I have no need for a soul if I do not have my mate.**

I hit send and fell back against the cool mattress, staring up at my ceiling and wondering what life could have been like; how wonderful it may have all turned out had I not thought I knew what was best, all those years ago.


	30. Chapter 29

A/N: Heyo peoples. I'm gonna make this short and quick...

SMeyer still owns, despite me wishing on stars.

I love reviews, so leave one... pretty please? :)

Oh and ummmm... a big HI YOU'RE AWESOME to the bestest group o' gals out there: Little Miss Whitlock and theotherbella.

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**BPOV**

I laid there staring at my new ceiling in my new apartment of my nearly empty bedroom for what felt like hours; the clock seemed to both be going a mile a minute and yet the days went by agonizingly slowly.

It was my first night in the new apartment. The room was bare aside from the mattress I'd had delivered earlier in the week, and a Chinese lantern that hung limply from the ceiling. Boxes of clothes and miscellaneous crap that I had dropped into box after box were stuffed in hall closets. I was in no state of mind to open them. If I did I'd probably decide I needed nothing but what I could see, and wind up throwing out my laptop, pans and underwear.

It had been a few weeks since Seth had come back to Seattle. I was upset with Seth for thinking cheating would somehow work in evening out the playing field. And he was still understandably upset with me; we'd barely spoken since the conversation we'd had when he'd told me he cheated and I should move out. But he had reassured me that he still loved me. He loved me; he just needed time. "We both need time, but I love you and I'm doing this for us, trust me." He'd said, before kissing my forehead and dropping the last of my boxes into my new apartment.

Edward on the other hand seemed fed up with me based on the text message I'd received a few hours ago. He too said he still loved me. He said he was willing to right his wrongs by going to far as to become the monster he had seen and despised in himself for nearly a century. I was angry with Edward for thinking everything worked in black and white and he could have me when he wanted and discard me when he didn't. How could he think that simply becoming a vampire would make everything all right. I had never been in love with Edward the vampire; I had loved, and suppose still did love, who Edward was. He had been my Edward for so long I didn't know how to let go and let him be anyone else's. And the part that ruined us was that I didn't know how to be anyone else but Edward's.

Point? Men fucking sucked.

I rolled onto my side and looked at the alarm clock – 5:50am. Fucking great. I hated this. I hated how Edward thought that walking back into my life would make everything ok. But he hadn't _really_ done anything to show that he thought that. He was polite, even _friendly_ towards Seth, which had surprised me.

I hated how great Seth was. He was still really angry; he voiced as much the last time we spoke; but he was willing to try and forgive… eventually. And even though what Edward and I had done was completely deplorable, he wanted to work through it. And part of me was mad that he thought he didn't deserve any better than someone who cheated on him; but the other part of me so was relieved that he hadn't run off – which I had expected him to do. He had said he just needed time to sort shit out that he hoped in our separation, I would do the same. His request for me to sort everything in my head out was almost worse than him yelling at me directly; the things I said to myself _about_ myself were much, much worse.

I rolled around trying to get comfortable, but it just wasn't happening. I threw on a pair of ballet flats, grabbed my keys and headed out the door.

I didn't know what the fuck I was doing there. He was probably asleep but I couldn't worry about caring or else I'd walk away. I needed to be selfish Bella and stand up for myself. Taking a deep breath I pushed his buzzer.

I heard him shuffling around, muttering "I'm coming, gimme a sec…" as he approached the door.

He opened the door and I knew that this was exactly where I needed to be.

-----

His eyes blinked quickly as he yawned. "What are you doing here? Is everything ok?"

I just stared at him for a moment. How was I going to say this? Do this? Fuck, I should have had a plan.

Sensing my anxiety, he opened the door wider, letting me in. I stepped inside and leaned against his door after he had closed it. I wanted a quick escape in case everything went to shit.

"I need to know," I began as I took a step closer and wrapped one arm around his neck lacing my fingers through the short hair at the nape of his neck. "If you meant what you said… if you still love me?"

My eyes flickered up to his eyes and I got lost in them, all over again as I waited with bated breath for him to answer.

He closed his eyes slowly at my touch, and sighed moving one of my hands down and placing it over his bare chest, over his heart.

"Bella, feel that. I will always, _always_ love you."

I sighed and moved my other hand from his hair, down along the side of his neck and up to cup his jaw.

"I hate how everything feels real without you; but when you're here I realize how fake every other moment has been."

"I don't want to cause you pain Bella. I've already done that enough," he murmured; his lips millimeters from mine.

"Never leave me." I whispered pressing my lips against the corner of his mouth quickly but softly.

"Never." he repeated doing the same to mine.

"Always want me." I said, placing another delicate yet sure, kiss on the other side of his mouth.

"Always." he breathed, once again repeating my action.

"Be mine forever." he whispered, his lips hovering over mine.

"Forever." I sighed, as my lips pressed firmly against his.


	31. Chapter 30

A/N: So here it is peeps. I'm gonna leave it short and sweet.

Even after all this time, SMeyer still owns.

And I still like reviews.

Thanks for reading.

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**EPOV**

I kissed her with everything I had. I was giving her my apologies, my love, my regret. I was letting it all out. Every moment we had been apart, wishing I had been smarter and run back – or better still never left, was poured into the kiss.

"I meant every word I said." I replied, pulling back and cupping her cheeks in my hands as I looked down into her soft brown eyes. "I will love you until the day I die. I may not always do or say the right thing, but I will always love you; I have always loved you." She nodded as her eyes glistened and she sniffed back tears. "I may not have always loved you the best I could, but I promise I will from here on out. I can't hurt you again Bella. It would kill me just as much; my heart is yours and when you hurt I break too." Her lips found mine effectively silencing me, and my arms slid down to her waist, lifting her up and carrying her into my room.

I laid her down gently and our lips didn't part for a moment. We were both breathing heavily through our nostrils but it was as if we couldn't break apart; we _had _to be connected. My body hovered over hers as I held myself up by my forearms as they pressed into the mattress on either side of her head.

I pulled away, feeling my erection pressing hard into her thigh. Her body was arching causing friction and I was seconds from cumming if we didn't slow down. I pulled my mouth from hers.

"Bella," I whispered as my lips trailed across her cheek and down the side of her neck. "I can't read your mind; I've never be able to. Tell me." I heard myself say, practically begging.

Her hands found their way to my fly and slid down the zipper painfully slow. Her face turned and she kissed my lips softly. "I need you." She replied as she unfasten the button my jeans, and slid them down past my hips. Her lips pressed against mine. "I've always needed you." Her hands went for the elastic at the top of my boxers and dragged them down, freeing my aching hard cock. "I will always need you." She murmured against my mouth.

I love it. I love her. I loved knowing that she needed me even if I wasn't indestructible anymore. My lips pushed against hers feverishly and I broke away only long enough to yank off my shirt, and nearly rip off hers. My mouth stayed locked against hers as I shoved her pants down and kissed her passionately, my tongue sliding against hers. I sucked on it softly as I nestled between her legs. God how I'd missed this. Her fingers dug into my back as I slid into her and we both groaned at the feeling of me fitting inside.

It had been too long. An hour would be too long to go without my Bella. I didn't know how I'd done it for so long.

But I couldn't think about that now. My focus was the beautiful woman beneath me and making sure I made her writhe with pleasure and show her how much I not only loved but _needed _her too.

Because if there was only one thing in this world I needed it was Bella Swan.

Our breathing was ragged and our lips had to break apart as we gasped for air. I pumped in and out of her slowly, reveling in how she felt around me; she was perfect. Our eyes were locked and we moved together. I reached around grabbing one of her hands in my own. My hand pressed hers into the pillow beside her head locking it in place and squeezing as I entwined my fingers with hers.

When she trembled around me soon after I couldn't move; not only because she was squeezing me so tightly and moaning my name repeatedly, but because it felt like I was feeling every part of her. Without being able to control myself, at the thought I came undone inside of her, filling her completely with my cum as she continued to contract under me, arching her back against my chest and milking me dry.

We spent hours relearning each other's bodies. The sun had risen before we finally collapsed, tangled around one another; satisfied and sweaty. I fell asleep wrapped around her, with her face pushed into the crook of my neck. My fingers danced over her spine as our chests pressed tightly.

I wasn't holding her like that first night; so tightly because I thought she would be gone if I let up.

I was holding her like this because this is how I wanted to hold her every night.

And how I fucking would.

**BPOV**

Being with Seth would have been easier.

It would have been the right thing to do, from an outsider's perspective.

And by all accounts, it would have been the more logical decision.

But the funny thing is, love isn't logical. In fact maybe the best kind, the rawest, the most intense kinds of love aren't supposed to be.

And that was what it was with Edward, what it had always been.

Our love had never been easy. It had never felt like the right thing to both of us at the same time. It had never been logical or made a lick of sense.

But it had always been intense; from that first moment in high school it had been there, a pulsating force that had a life of its own even when one of us had given up on it.

Our love had always been raw and both soul bearing and soul breaking.

He was my soul and I was his.

Waking up to Edward, or more specifically Edward's heartbeat, was something I never thought I would experience. And I couldn't stop the wide smile that spread over my lips at hearing it as I woke up the next morning.

I stirred against him and his hands slid up and down my body pulling me closer to him. He sighed heavily and pushed his face into my hair inhaling sharply.

"You're really here." He murmured into my scalp. I nodded against him in confirmation and pulled my head back to look at him. His eyes were half opened; a mixture of sadness, hope and relief and I was glad to see that his emotions matched my own.

I pressed my lips to his softly, kissing him slowly as I sighed into his mouth. One of his hands moved up my spine, sending a tingle down my back as he cupped the back of my neck, massaging it with his thumb as he sat up, deepening the kiss.

We were still apologizing, still expressing ourselves in the only way we could; words were no longer enough.

We moved to lie side by side as his free arm wrapped around my waist pulling me flush against him. I readjusted and bent my thigh, hooking it over his hip. His thumb stopped rubbing my neck and his hand lay there, pressing my mouth against his harder. I could taste the worry, the apprehensiveness. He was wondering if I was doing the right thing, by picking him. My arms in the meantime roamed around his body. One arm hooked around his neck, as my fingers played with the short strands at the nape of his neck and my other hand rubbed up and down the side of his bare torso. In my motions, I was telling him that choosing him would always be the right thing.

We didn't move, didn't stop kissing for what felt like ages. We pulled apart for seconds at a time, to gasp for air before our lips would rejoin.

After some time had passed, his lips moved down my neck, sucking at my pulse point and I sighed. "Edward, we… we have to get up."

He shook his head against me. "No."

I laughed softly at his instant response and could hear the pout in his voice. "Edward, you have to go to work." I argued, glancing at the clock. It was already half past two.

"I'll call in."

I took in a heavy breath. "No, you should go in. Plus…" I started, pushing my lips into his unruly hair. "I have to go see Seth. I have to tell him it's done."

He pulled back, looking both scared and confused. "What's done?"

I looked side to side. "Um, him and I - obviously."

His shoulders slumped and he pushed his face back into the curve of my neck. "Thank God. I thought you were going to say you and I."

I wanted to laugh, but it was too soon for that. I understood his concern, his fear; I had it too. And even though we were together again, we couldn't guarantee it would last. We were human after all.

"I will never be done with you." I whispered pressing my lips against his temple. His face turned and he looked at me seriously, taking me by surprise when his mouth pressed against mine hungrily.

No, I would never be done with Edward Cullen.

------------

Telling Seth it was over was about as hard as anyone could imagine. I had called him soon after Edward had left for work. Seth was calm despite the sneaking suspicion I had that he knew the reason for my call. He wanted us to have dinner and I said I couldn't. I think he knew then, but if he did he hid it well as he brushed it off and suggested to meet him at his apartment after work.

I arrived at his apartment a little after 6 and thought the best approach was to rip it off like a band aid; as quickly as possible. I kept it vague; he didn't need to know the details. I didn't divulge anything more than I couldn't do it anymore and he didn't ask anything aside from if I was sure of my decision. But we both knew.

It hung in the air like a flying pink elephant in the room but neither of us said anything. So we sat there, everything being said but nothing really coming out.

We both knew it had always been Edward.

And it could and would, never be anyone else; not after 7 weeks, or 7 dates, or 7 months.

Not even after 7 years.

**THE END**


	32. Chapter 31

A/N: Hey everyone. So here it is.

The true ending... or beginning. However you want to say it.

I truly appreciate everyone that's read, reviewed, and/or marked this story as a favorite. It's my baby and I love it.

But SMeyer owns the characters and I still only own.. a penguin cup and a rooster.

Review if you don't mind and thanks again :) ~ kels

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**BPOV**

Relationships aren't like a fairytale 100% of the time, but I'd like to think ours felt like one more than most couples'.

It wasn't easy. We fought. It took me a while to get over myself and get over the hurt and everything he'd done. But even when I was screaming at him and he was yelling right back I always knew in the back of my head and heart that I'd rather be fighting with him than trying to love anyone else.

But there was a night, I don't remember what brought it on, but it all hit me with the force of a ton of bricks falling from 50 stories high.

Somewhere between running back to him over a year ago and when I was sitting there in the living room looking through real estate in Seattle, I had forgiven him.

We had taken an extended vacation after that and it was a not quite G-rated fairytale that ended with him proposing.

Do you really have to ask if I said yes?

We planned our wedding so quickly you'd think we did nothing else with our time. And really, if we're being honest, it was Alice 90% and Bella/Edward 10%. But it didn't matter. We didn't care about the where, and when only mattered as far as we wanted to get married ASAP. Neither of us cared about color palettes or outdoor vs. indoor, or food tasting even; we just wanted to stand up in front of everyone we knew and legally commit ourselves to each other for an eternity.

We were married in August, a few weeks before my 27th birthday in an evening ceremony, on the Cullen estate. There were white tents, and freesias, and I couldn't help but wonder if Edward had specially requested them.

My father walked me down the aisle in my wedding gown, a light chiffon strapless dress that flowed with the wind. Alice and I had picked it out a month prior and we'd both balled when I saw it in the mirror.

Edward's jaw was clenched and his eyes were red and glistening as my father handed me to him, literally, and gave me away with a kiss on the cheek.

Both of us cried throughout the entire ceremony. It would have been embarrassing had not half the room understood why it was so emotional.

We were here, finally before god and family and friends and whoever else cared to look, giving ourselves to each other for an eternity.

That was the night I stopped my birth control and the first night we had sex as Mr. and Mrs. Cullen.

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It had been just over 3 months of wedded bliss and a few weeks after celebrating our first Edward and Bella Cullen Thanksgiving at our apartment. Everyone had come down, my dad included – which made me happier than words could have ever expressed.

But I hadn't been feeling well since Thanksgiving and Edward had been picking up extra shifts so he could take some time off for Christmas and we could spend the week of it in Forks. With that reasoning, I hadn't brought it up but when the symptoms had persisted I caved.

No, wait I take that back. I caved when I realized that I hadn't had a period since September and the symptoms added up in my head.

I took the at home test first, then immediately called Alice. One, because she was my best friend and two to beg her not to tell Edward; she was over the moon happy for us and swore up and down her lips were sealed.

I wasn't sure how much I believed her so I made an appointment with my lady-doc the minute we hung up. I told her it was semi-urgent, a small white lie as the excitement bubbled over at the possibility. With my tone calm but fast she believed me in an instant and made room for me in her schedule for later in the afternoon.

I was shaking on my drive to the hospital. I wanted to be, but Edward and I hadn't really talked about when we wanted to start having a family and the idea that he could not be ready for this occurred and gave me butterflies. I pushed it aside and tried to tell myself it was probably just the baby kicking.

As unsanitary as it was, I had the stick proving our future in my purse and I weighed the options of waiting to tell Edward until it had been confirmed by doctors (and not just Alice) and telling him to meet me at the hospital; after all he _was _only across the street in an adjacent building.

I stepped out of the car and took a breath. He needed to be here for this, with me... with _us _potentially. So I called.

"Seattle General this is Nancy."

"Hi Nancy its Bella Cullen is Edward available?"

"Let me page him, one second."

She put me on hold and I stood in front of the hospital, tapping my foot. "I'm sorry Bella; I think he's with a patient."

I nodded, taking a breath. "Then will you let him know I'm at the hospital, 6th floor. It's… kind of urgent." I said not wanting to cause reason for concern, but I knew he'd beat himself up if he wasn't here for this if he could have been.

"Oh, of course, are you all right?"

"I… I'm not sure." I said honestly. It would all depend on the final results and Edward's reaction.

"I'll page him again in a few minutes and let him know." She said quickly. I thank her and hung up the phone racing into the building.

I had checked in and each minute felt like 10. I picked up one of those cheesy 80s parenting magazines and was trying to focus but I couldn't. Edward wasn't here; I was alone and no one was calling my name.

Finally, what felt like an hour later but had really only been about twenty minutes or so, a nurse opened the main door and called my name. "Isabella Cullen."

I still beamed when they said my last name and I stood quickly. "You must be Dr. Cullen's wife." She smiled, guiding me to an empty patient room. I laughed. "How'd you guess?"

She smiled warmly taking a seat on the stool beside the desk as I sat on the table, hearing the paper crinkle under my ass. "Every time he sends a referral to us he says if his wife Isabella comes in to say hi for him. He's been busy; we've heard from him quite a bit at all hours here."

I nodded. "Yea, we're taking Christmas week off to go visit our families up north so he feels guilty if he doesn't work triple time to make up for taking a few days off."

She nodded understandingly and took a breath. "So why are you in today?" She asked, ready to make notes in my file.

I bit my lip and felt myself blush. "I think I'm pregnant?" It came out as more of a shaky question than a statement and she smiled. "And you're here for a confirmation?" She asked smiling widely. I nodded, gulping down vomit I could feel coming up my throat.

She laughed softly and scooted closer after making a few notes. "Okay, well. We need you to pee again." She joked, standing to wrap the blood pressure cuff around my arm. "But let me check a few vitals before you go." I laughed at the pun and nodded.

She checked my pulse and blood pressure, making notes and handing me a cup with my patient information on it. "We only need it about it a quarter of the way, so don't worry about filling it."

I nodded and stood up, grabbing my purse. "If it's not too much to ask… if you see Edward out there can you just have him come in?" I asked hesitantly as I followed her out. She smiled and nodded. "Sure dear." She paused pointing down the hall. "Bathroom is down the hall third door on your left. Just leave the cup on the counter beside the sink when you're done."

"Great, thanks." I said meekly, walking down the hall and taking steady breaths.

I locked the door and hung my coat and purse on the hook behind the door and tried.

But I couldn't. It was too nerve-wracking.

So I tried thinking about anything else. Our wedding. Thanksgiving. Halloween where we tried to carve pumpkins with sharp knives instead of the ones in the pumpkin carving kit.

A few minutes later I was done and left the cup on the counter as instructed and washed up. I walked back down the hall and pushed open the door to find a bug-eyed Edward pacing and running his hands through his hair. "Bella! Fucking Christ! Are you okay?" He said sprinting the few feet to me and wrapping his arms around me. I slid my arms around him tightly and breathed him in. He wasn't wearing his white coat and I could feel the toned muscles pulsing through his thin white button up. I sighed against him and grabbed his hand pulling away slightly and closing the door a little. I bit my lip as the nerves returned and I moved to sit on the table.

"Bella… talk to me. No one's telling me anything and it's freaking me the fuck out." He said puffing out a humorless laugh as he moved to stand between my legs and cup my face in his hands. His eyes were searching mine and I turned my head towards my purse, reaching for it and fishing for the plastic stick.

"This." I said quietly, handing it to him "is why I'm here." He dropped one hand and took it from mine. "You…" his eyes glanced from the two pink lines up to my eyes and his breathing increased.

"Edward…" I sighed. I couldn't tell how he was feeling and it was incredibly unnerving.

He dropped the stick onto the table beside me and cupped my face kissing me hard. I covered his wrists with my hands as I kissed back and I felt him smile against me. "We're—"

I nodded. "I think so. We're waiting for the final answer."

We stood there grinning at each other like dopes, until we heard the faint rapt of the door. I sighed, squeezing his hands as they rested over my thighs. "Come in."

A woman in a white lab coat entered, smiling up at us. "I'm Dr. Sterrison." She said. We both shook her hand and smiled in her direction. "So, it looks like the over the counter was right." She said, after she had taken a seat on the small chair. "t looks like we're having a baby." She stated, glancing down at my file and nodding her head. I turned to Edward, tears blurring my vision and he leaned his forehead against mine kissing me softly all over my face.

After our little moment I took a deep, albeit shaky breath and turned back towards the doctor. She was smiling widely. "Glad to see this is a positive thing." I choked out a laugh as Edward smoothed out my hair, holding me close.

"Normally from here we'd schedule a sonogram to check the baby's heart and all that, but our 4:30 patient cancelled, so it's free if you—"

"Yes. Definitely." Edward said, interrupting her. I laughed, sniffling back the lingering tears.

An hour later I was being probed like an alien, with Edward's hand squeezing mine.

The doctor was on a stool similar to the one in the patient room we'd been in and she was rubbing the cold instrument against my body, leaning towards the monitor. She pushed a couple buttons and brought the screen into view for us.

And that was when we heard it.

I turned toward Edward and he squeezed my hand, pressing his lips against my forehead firmly and I felt his tears fall onto my eyebrow.

A heart beat.


End file.
